Young Writers Society

Hello, Buzz here to review!

I liked how you expressed singing here, it was an interesting perspective which i haven't seen before. It was well written generally and it was simple, which is good. There is always room for improvement though.

I felt like this dragged a bit after a few stanzas to get to the actual point where you sing. Every stanza should hold just as much emotion as the previous ones that followed. I would have also liked to have seen some musical singing terms used, they would have worked well with your poem.


"My heart is pounding.

It's been so long

Since I lifted my voice in front of a crowd

Since I knew no one would ask for quiet

Since I knew I was free to pray."

A good opening but, line four feels like the sentence is incomplete or seems slightly off, maybe its the word choice.

"I grasp that warmth, that flaming emotion.

I know I have to project it now, before my chance is gone

To share the beauty and hurt and joy and love

That are tangled within me

Like brightly colored threads pulled tight,

A tightness in my chest that threatens tears,

Tears I don't understand.

Are they joy or are they sorrow?"

This was my favorite stanza, you captured the mixed emotions that go with singing and the preparation for it.

-Buzz

The Messenger Knight here to review for KotGR on a Review Day!!!!
So, I really liked how you used the metaphor of flying like a bird, and the metaphor of flames and fire. Is this a reference to the Phoenix?
I felt it went a tad on the long side though. Maybe you could pull out a line there and few words here. Also, I feel like for this type of poem, you should rhyme it. Maybe it's just my impression, but I think turning a poem about wanting to sing, into a song, would be really cool. and most songs rhyme. Maybe not every line, but some lines.
But I loved this piece. About being in the crowd, and just all the description and emotion you used. I could really feel what the singer (you?) feels. And since I myself like to sing and do in choir, I can understand the feelings. Especially about just wanting to sing after not singing for a long period of time. I love choir!!! OK, enough of my rant. Take it like a grain of salt.
Keep it up!

Hey

This is a great poem, you have some really great images here, such as;
'That are tangled within me
Like brightly colored threads pulled tight,'
It's a very beautiful poem in its image and idea, and it seems very heartfelt. It's really good.

My only real point here is that there are a number of problems with punctuation (or lack thereof). For example;
'It's been so long
Since I lifted my voice in front of a crowd
Since I knew no one would ask for quiet
Since I knew I was free to pray.'
The two middle lines need commas at the end, because you're making a list. I don't want to labour through writing out all of the punctuation problems, so instead my suggestion is that you take the poem, take it out of lines and read it as a block paragraph, as prose, and fix the grammar that way, because if it reads correctly and makes sense as prose it will make sense as a poem.
I hope that is helpful.

Hello Liaya!

I'm not one for technicality in poems (my minor in college is in creative writing...so let's hope that changes soon). However, I can defiantly give you a taste of how it made me feel (choir boy at heart here). If I thought about each phrase, I could feel the emotion. So, speaking for myself here, I really feel you got a point across to those that feel ya'. Overall I did like the poem, thank you for sharing your feelings about singing with us!