A Walk Down Memory Lane

I really enjoy this poem. You have a way of saying what you want to say so simply and clearly, but also with great word choice and visuals. I feel you really capture the feeling that I personally feel when I "walk down memory lane" I saw that your profile says you are only 14? That is insane. you are very talented for such a young age. And once again, as in your other poems, I find a favorite line: "
I have closed my eyes the whole time, but things happened,
Things I should have seen."

-Laci <3

This peom is all so true about many of our lives and many of our pasts we wish to forget. This peom shows what life is like when you live in the past all the time. I would like to say it is a good peom which i believe is true. Very true about most of our lives all of this lovely sad poem. This peom was literally a walk down memory lane for me. I hope it is for you too love how full of emotion it is. Any moment could be your last moment remember that.

Hey, I'm going to review this!

So the first thing that I noticed with this is the formatting, I think it could be re-looked/organized a bit and I'll show you what I think:

"Its a walk down the memory lane,
Full of mistakes, full of pain.
Things I am, and things I should have been,
I have done my best but I can never wipe the slate clean.

People come, people go,
Nothing lasts forever.
Its something I have always known.
Things I am and things I could have been,
The road I've walked is marked red with betray and sin."

Something else I noticed is the rhyming it didn't really continue the same way as it started. That's not so bad, but perhaps with the formatting changed to something like what is shown above, it might produce a better flow. Also I added past tense to the "I" so that it would go with the past tense "walked". And then also took away the plural from betray and sin because I didn't really think it was so important, sorry if it is, but I read it, and it could still work without the plural, and be seen as plural. And not to mention that way it rhymes better. As for the story itself, it's beautiful, but I must say it's a bit overused, as in a lot of people have written similar things, and although it's always nice to hear thoughts, maybe if you had been a bit more personal, not going out of your way to be original, but make it flow from your heart and go in detail, it would have stood out a bit more. But it was nice, and you had some good rhymes there.

"Its a walk down memory lane,
Full of mistakes, full of pain.
Good times come, good times go.
You have to walk the path, whether its laden with blood or snow.

Things I am and things I could've been.
I have closed my eyes the whole time, but things happened,
things I should have seen.
Its a walk down memory lane,
Full of mistakes, full of pain."

Again I broke this big stanza up into smaller ones and I'll give reasons of changes I made. First off, I took the word "the" out of the sentence "Its a walk down the memory lane," because I felt the "the" was interrupting the flow and normally that quote goes without the "the" like "I went on a trip down memory lane". Other than that I didn't really change anything but, indented "things I should have seen" to the next line. Again the content was fine, it was good, interesting, I felt though that it seemed like you just repeated the last line because there were no more ideas, I wished that you had included a different ending for the stanza (or stanzas) But it's not bad, and I like it.

"If the dull days have taught me enough
No journey goes in vain..."

I liked what you meant, and such, were you meaning that in the end it would all work out? In that case I do like what you meant, but I felt like it's missing something. XP I can't say quite what, I hope that doesn't sound strange, but I feel like it's missing an ending of peace, and yet, I feel like you had wanted to give somewhat of that type of an ending. So I'd consider looking over the end again. Hope that was helpful! XP

Overall though it was nice, please do take some of my advice and look things over.

--Keep writing and keep dreaming.

Hi there!

I love your avatar by the way

So first off, this poem is really great, and your tone is admirably poignant and thoughtful.

Just a couple of points I noticed. In the second line, I would put a comma after "full of mistakes". Your rhyming scheme works nicely, so well done for that!

I would also put another comma after "People come", and "its" should be "it's". Now I especially love the final line of the first stanza, but it would make more sense as:
"The road I walked is marked red with betrayals and sins."

The repetition at the start of the second stanza is very effective, although make sure you put a space between "Full of mistakes,full of pain." Again, you need a comma after "Good times come".

I love the imagery of the blood and snow, very nice, especially because their colours contrast so strikingly. But the fifth line I think would work better as "could have been", just to keep it consistent with the rest of the poem.

And the sixth line of the second stanza is a bit too long, this one:
"I have closed my eyes the whole time, but things happened, things I should have seen."
You should half it into two different lines, and then add another line in the first stanza so they are both nine lines instead of eight.

Again make sure you put "it's" when you mean "it is", not "its".

The final two lines are particularly lovely, although I would put a comma after "enough". They really round off the poem nicely.

Overall, this poem is fantastic so amazing job writing it! It makes me wonder what your inspiration was! Just add a bit more punctuation, and add a line to each stanza, and it will be even better than it already is!

Amazing, keep writing!

Bethan