I remember, last summer
The moonlight and the sunshine,
I was better than fine; but it did not last.
He was sitting with his careless smile
He took my breath away with his reckless stride.
Dirty socks, dirty talk
No money in his pocket,
My picture in his locket; that’s all he’s got.
Overlooking my mistakes he accepted me with all my scars
And he took my breath away with that guitar.
That summer, will always be remembered
The way he loved me,
Made me think we were meant to be; but we were not.
He was my reflection: my soul mate
But something else was written in our fate.
Life is unfair, messed up hair
You don’t really care, do you?
You never asked permission when you kissed my lips
But you left me and we ended up like this.
It was a summer time love, a one way trip
I knew this was gonna happen but I let my heart slip.
It was a dream, an imagination, a one night stand
I thought this was more but now I understand.
I spend all my time trying to forget him
I now understand how love changes in a whim.
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137,476 Literary Works • 672,034 Reviews
Hello my friend! Reviewer here for Apple Dumpling Gang! Excellent poem! The rhyming and rhythm was superb! I have always enjoyed poetry, but a good poet is really an outstanding thing to find! You're poetry sucked me in as I pictured everything you wrote! It was really excellent and easy to imagine! I love how you started out with hope and ended with the end of the love. It really showed the whole feeling that it was meant to have! Great picture that created a great story! I can't really choose my favorite line, and all the grammar was perfect! Keep up the good work! I look forward to reading more of you works!
Keep Writing,
BlimeyLimey217
The whole second stanza comes across as a sing to me, I love it!!
"It was a summer time love, a one way trip
I knew this was gonna happen but I let my heart slip."
^^^ My favorite line.
I really admire your poetry, please keep writing.
-Laci <3
Hey! Blackwater here for a review
I truly loved your poem. I love how you begin the poem,
"I remember, last summer"
It gives a beautiful nostalgic feeling to it making readers eager to read the rest of it.
Though I grasped the meaning, I found one line coined awkwardly:
"But something else was written in our fate"
Though there's nothing startlingly wrong with this line, it could have been written differently.
"Little did we know, fate had other plans"; or something like that.
Anyways, that was just a suggestion.
I loved the poem and he way you've written it. Keep writing.
Cheers,
Anagha
Thank you! The fate thing is needed for the rhyme scheme
Hey! Blackwater here for a review
I truly loved your poem. I love how you begin the poem,
"I remember, last summer"
It gives a beautiful nostalgic feeling to it making readers eager to read the rest of it.
Though I grasped the meaning, I found one line coined awkwardly:
"But something else was written in our fate"
Though there's nothing startlingly wrong with this line, it could have been written differently.
"Little did we know, fate had other plans"; or something like that.
Anyways, that was just a suggestion.
I loved the poem and he way you've written it. Keep writing.
Cheers,
Anagha
i luved ur poem . the emotions you felt can be felt so easily . its simple and easy to understand . i luv the way it rhymes and the feeling of a broken heart can be felt so easily .
"Life is unfair, messed up hair
You don’t really care, do you? " i luv these lines .
keep up the good work
waiting to read more of your works .
Those are my favourite lines as well!
Wow, this was really good. I liked how you sort of rhymed, but didn't stick to a specific pattern. I don't normally review poetry, but I thought this was very well done. Keep writing!
-Bellator
I really liked the poem it really shows your real emotions but I think that there is more to be told, maybe about how you forgot and moved on or how you could not and the memories kept coming back
hope this was helpful
Emjay
"I spend all my time trying to forget him
I now understand how love changes in a whim."
These lines show that my memories kept coming back
It was beautiful... I really loved it... The emotion really reached out to me and had be feeling everything you must have felt... It's brilliantly communicated and well written..
Keep Writing..
Harshita
Thanks
Hey, runaway! Here to review your poem-
I really enjoyed reading this poem because even though it didn't have the happy ending I was expecting, it was still really sweet. I mean life doesn't always give you that happy ending does it? I probably sound like a senile old woman, but I'm very glad you wrote this! I could feel the motion coming through this, and it's always good to connect with the readers like that, so well done! I also thought the layout you chose to write this is was original, and worked rather well. I'll now talk about my critiques.
There needs to be some kind of pause between 'mistakes' and 'scars', because the whole sentence seems a bit too long. Perhaps try reading your sentences aloud and see where the pause feels natural.
Something I thought was a bit of an issue with this poem was the flow because I didn't really feel that there actually was one. I'm not saying all poetry needs an amazing melodic flow, but I think it should just sort of read well. And here I thought the ends of your sentences were quite abrupt. My suggestion to you here is to try and read it aloud so that you can hear where it starts to feel a bit off. Maybe you could even keep a syllable count of each line so you can try and use similar syllables to correct the flow a bit more.
Also, to stop this from becoming like every other love poetry, I think you should try and make it your own a bit more. Add your own spin on things! I'm guessing this was based on something that actually happened so feel free to draw on personal experiences of things that actually happened that Summer. This is YOUR poem, so don't be afraid to really make it your own. Perhaps through doing this you can try and use some more descriptive poetic techniques like similes and metaphors to bring more imagery to this poem too.
Overall, this was a really nice poem and made for a lovely read. I like how the emotion really comes through in this poem, and it works really well here. Next steps would be to try and fix up on the flow of it, and reading aloud really helps with this! Also, don't be afraid to make it your own and be more descriptive. As always, I hope this review helped, and feel free to PM me with any questions you have.
Keep writing!
~Arc x
I'm not understanding how I can put MY experience. It'll be helpful if you could elaborate more
Like, maybe you could talk about specific events that actually happened? Just a suggestion
I always find it difficult to talk about real events in poetry. I can convey what I felt but I just can not describe a specific moment.
One small mistake that I spotted (Sorry, I freely admit that I'm a nitpicker), "But you left me and we ended u like this,"
I'm assuming that here you meant, 'up,' instead of, 'u,'. Just pointing that out, because it's probably a typo.
Wow. This was really well written. The line flow is spectacular, and the wording is fantastic. And what's really good is that I, and possibly others can relate to this.
The line spacing is a little weird, but other than that I have nothing to complain about. I loved this, and hope to read more of your work later on.
Happy Writing!
HT
Thank you for pointing that out. I fixed it.
Whoa, this is pretty good!
This is a relative topic and many people can relate to this, including me. Stupid guys.
Keep writing, and good luck!
I really like this poem because it flows pretty well and there is a rhythm that readers love to feel.
I love this bit:
"I now understand how love changes in a whim." Yes, yes it does. Good job.
"That summer, will always be remembered"
I don't think there is supposed to be a comma there, because if there was it kind of stops the rhythm.
So yeah, great job, I love it!
~R
Thank you
And that last line is my favourite as well.