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Re: Oh World
Just a few things: I think the repetition at the beginning is a bit much. That is that it is repeated too many times within such a short span, especially ...
Jun 7, 2013 -
Re: When I Found You
Wish I could hear the beats or hear the notes. The content though is fantastic and so very relatable. I didn't stumble across any grammatical mistakes. Also your imagery with ...
Jun 4, 2013 -
Re: Your Broken Friend
Just a few things to work on: Content: I found just a few lines didn't quite make sense. "Other than my heart Which bleeds faster each day, Oh, how I ...
Jun 4, 2013 -
Re: Each by the Other
Acquantances, they hardly guessed The future they would know. How would tey? They were only strangers Should be they Not so long ago. Poking, teasing, easy laughter, And yet the ...
May 31, 2013 -
Re: Broken Leash
Alright, just a few things: Grammar: I think its been pointed out, but cradle should be cradled in the first stanza, second line. Also, not sure if the - at ...
May 30, 2013 -
Re: The Dead.
Just a few things: Imagery: Bravo! I love the imagery you used here throughout the poem with the fire. The first stanza was excellent, however, the imagery started to fade ...
May 29, 2013 -
Re: Trouble
So I will do a line by line review for you. Here it goes: I knew I was in trouble when we kissed. It has been so long Change it ...
May 29, 2013 -
Re: Relapse
Just a few things: Structure/Form: It looks as if you formatted this to go into stanzas, but there was a posting mistake. None-the-less, here is a suggested format and a ...
May 28, 2013 -
Re: The Bullying Poem
Alright just a few things: Structure/Form: I don't know if there was a posting error, however, since this is a poem, it needs some form of structure. Also, I'll add ...
May 28, 2013 -
Re: Cataclysmic Lies Chapter 1
Alright some things to consider: Grammar: Have noticed in the second paragraph needs a space in between them. It appears to be a simple typo. Also no need to bold ...
May 24, 2013 -
Re: Wild
Ok. I didn't find any grammatical mistakes in your work. However, I did notice the abundance of "filler" words littered throughout. An example of this: "I just sat there in ...
May 24, 2013 -
Re: Lovesick
Just some things to keep in mind: Grammar: "It's a whrilpool of emotions" Whirlwind "It's a storm of confuion" Confusion "I worry they might seap" Seep Also, the parenthesis around ...
May 24, 2013 -
Re: Innocence
Just a few things: Grammar: "You have an unrealistic sense of optmisim" It's spelled optimism. "Everyone thinks you wrong," Should be your. Flow: So you had a pretty steady ryhme ...
May 24, 2013 -
Re: The Eye
O.K. Just a few things: Grammar: "Truly, the eye could quite possibaly be the gateway to the soul." Should be possibly. Rythym: This poem has potential, however, you are using ...
May 24, 2013 -
Re: Bitter sweet.
Just a few things: Grammar: When you ask Why, its generally a question. Change the period to a question mark. Rhyme/Rhythm: Other have pointed it out, so I won't harp ...
May 24, 2013
