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The monster within | Chapter Two |

by vampricone6783


*Chapter Two of my “The monster within” fanfic! This fanfic is a sequel to the R.L. Stine movie “Monsterville: Cabinet of Souls”. You can read the first Chapter and the Introduction under my folder titled "The monster within...". Gacha Club character designs are on my wall. Enjoy and Happy Halloween!*

NICOLE

“Rise and shine, Clementine.” An absurdly optimistic, familiar voice whispers in my ear.

I open my eyes.

Hold on, why is Luke here, sitting on my bed?! Why is he wearing clown makeup? Why is his hair orange? Why-

Wait. I remember now.

I sit up. I still feel a little tired, but my worry is starting to energize me.

“Do I still look terrible?” I ask.

Luke smiles. Why is he smiling? This is not the time to grin!

“You look like a cranky ol’ witch.”

“OLD?! I look old?!”

That’s not good. If I look old, then that means the spell is happening and Dr.Hysteria is back and he’s going to take our souls and-

Luke puts a finger over my lips. It smells like cookies. Was he eating cookies last night? I bet he was, he’s had a serious problem with sugar ever since he was four.

“Shut up. You want your parents to hear? I didn’t mean it like that. You look like how you did last night, that’s all.”

I move his hand away from my face.

“Come on, we’re going to put on makeup.” I say, motioning for Luke to get off my bed.

Luke listens, without saying anything stupid. I never know when he might open his mouth, but he’s not saying anything. Good. I don’t need him bothering me right now.

“Wait, if you’re a witch, why can’t you just change us back?”

My blood goes cold. The absolute nerve-

Wait.

That might actually work.


Is this a review?


  

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Points: 43
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Wed Nov 01, 2023 7:52 pm
Flowers says...



I really like this book so far. I like how Luke is funny but kinda serious at the same time. I also like how the witch is serious but then it is like "oh nevermind". I hope you keep making more chapters.




vampricone6783 says...


I%u2019ve got more of the story underneath my folder %u201CThe monster within%u201D if you would like to check that out.



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Reviews: 209

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Sat Oct 28, 2023 7:30 pm
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AmayaStatham wrote a review...



Trick or Write, curious mind!



Rinisha here, ready to dive into the pages of this eerie story. 🤡!

Buckle up, 'cause we're diving into my haunting magic! 🎃

The up-to-no-good Stuff:

First of all, let's talk about the fang-tastic parts that are really witch-approved!

Creepy but amazing title, I kind of hesitated in a good way whether to click on it. I really hoped I would be able to sleep tonight. But then I realised that even if I couldn't, it wouldn't be a big deal, I mean it's Saturday.

This seems like a very funny and scary story at the same time. I love the fact that the dialogue is in tune with each other. I wonder what Dr Hysteria has up his sleeve for Clementine and Luke. Anyway, This story was quite the surprise for me. I loved it. I will definitely check out the other chapters!

Trick or Write:🎭

Over here I think you either had a typo and forgot to put the quotes in, or you did it on purpose and Luke can read minds. That would not be a bad idea, think about it!

“OLD?! I look old?!”

That’s not good. If I look old, then that means the spell is happening and Dr.Hysteria is back and he’s going to take our souls and-

Luke puts a finger over my lips. It smells like cookies. Was he eating cookies last night? I bet he was, he’s had a serious problem with sugar ever since he was four.


Spooktastic!👻

The ending is my favourite part. The realisation of Clementine was just hilarious. It was like when you are hungry and you have bread in your hand and you think, why don't you just eat it? If that didn't make sense, don't mind me.

“Wait, if you’re a witch, why can’t you just change us back?”

My blood goes cold. The absolute nerve-

Wait.

That might actually work.


Overall scream-worthy:

This seems to be a very interesting series. Clementine is already my favourite. She is just so normal, in a good way, and not at all humorous. I love that about her. The fact that she and Luke both have different personalities makes them the perfect duo for this story. I would definitely recommend continuing this series. It is worth it, the perfect Halloween series.

Have a boo-tiful day or night further! Keep writing! You are spook-takular!

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vampricone6783 says...


Her name is actually Nicole. Luke called her that as a joke.

You can read the other two chapters underneath my folder %u201CThe monster within%u201D.



AmayaStatham says...


oh. I am so sorry for that.



vampricone6783 says...


That%u2019s okay!



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Sat Oct 28, 2023 4:34 pm
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FluorescentAnt wrote a review...



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Happy Spooktober Review Day!



Greetings Spooky Friend! Trick or Treat! I am here with a Spooktober Themed Review for you!

Knock, Knock, Who's There? (MY INTERPRETATION)


I want to start with my interpretation of your piece...
So this chapter has switched back to the perspective, and now both Luke and Nicole have turned into the things they were cursed to be, which are a clown and a witch. Before, they were slowly turning into them, but now they are fully transformed. Nicole has just been woken up by Luke. And he has just given her the idea of her being able to solve their problem.

TRICKS


Here are 3 Tricks or Tips that I think would make your piece even more spooktacular in my opinion:

TRICK ONE:
I think this chapter could use a little more sensory details, and be more specific about what Nicole sees, hears, or even smells. What exactly did Luke look like now that he was a clown? Did Nicole look at herself to see how she had transformed into a witch? Or maybe you could describe the smell of cookies in more detail. I think adding these kinds of things might make the story better.

TRICK TWO:
This chapter was just a teensy bit rushed in my opinion, especially the ending when Luke told her the idea about her turning them back using magic. What was her thought process? Did she think it was a logical solution? Did she think about possible outcomes, whether good or bad? Had she used magic before?

TRICK THREE:
Lastly, I was kind of confused here:
"OLD?! I look old?!”
That’s not good. If I look old, then that means the spell is happening and Dr.Hysteria is back and he’s going to take our souls and-
Luke puts a finger over my lips.

Did Luke interrupt her thoughts? Because it seemed like she was thinking a lot, and there was a hyphen and Luke told her to be quiet. Can he read her thoughts? Or was he interrupting her from before? I think you could make this part a little clearer.

TREATS


I want to close by highlighting three aspects I thought were treats in your piece: (3 compliments or highlights)

TREAT ONE:
It's interesting how Nicole was actually kind of annoyed at Luke throughout the chapter, and Luke was joking for some parts, which tells us a lot about their characters and their personalities. We learn a lot about Nicole especially in how she thinks about things, which leads me to...

TREAT TWO:
Like in your other pieces that I have read, you are really good at portraying the main character's thoughts in a time that they have to do a lot of thinking. In this chapter, you did a good job of showing us Nicole's perspective on the situation, and how she is kind of stressed out about the fact that Dr. Hysteria is back.

TREAT THREE:
The beginning of the chapter is kind of spooky and it draws the reader in. Starting a chapter with something interesting is important, even if it's not the start of the book.

Have a Spooktacular Day!





I know where the wall goes.
— Creed, the Office