*This is chapter ten of my fanfic “The monster within”. This is a fanfic of the R.L. Stine movie “Monsterville: Cabinet of Souls”. It takes place a year after the events in the movie and has the two side characters as the main characters. The POVs change every chapter. This is under my folder titled “The monster within…”. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33”. Enjoy!*
NICOLE
Luke is taking off his makeup. I’m telling them about how I woke up as a witch and how he showed up at my door the other night.
“Do you feel like you’re turning into a werewolf?” I ask Kellen.
He shakes his head. Why does Beth look so nervous all of a sudden?
“There’s something I need to tell you guys.” She says, fidgeting her fingers, eyes darting side to side.
My heart sinks in my chest. Beth was never one to keep secrets. Me? Maybe. But Beth? Never, not even when we were young.
What could she possibly be keeping from us that is causing her to act this way?
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139,276 Literary Works • 672,524 Reviews
i enjoyed this short chapter. I think it's a nice, brief conversation that sets up a lot of questions for the future of these characters, I like the inner monologue that Nicole has about Beth, it shows us her thought process nicely. I do think it could have been a bit longer, maybe with some description or longer dialogue, since I liked the characters it can be a bit jarring to have such a short exchange. however, I will go and read through the rest since I see many chapters. <3
I%u2019m glad you enjoyed this!
oo another short, quick chapter. I read through a few of the past chapters but I will definitely have to catch up with the rest of them after this. It's sometimes refreshing to see such short pieces!
I notice we are in the present tense here, which is nice. I think maybe instead of saying the character is telling them about waking up as a witch, they should have a brief dialogue exchange where they talk about it.
Very nice, direct, I like how they don't dance around the question and straight up ask Kellen.
I was slightly confused since i was like, huh, where did Beth come from? If she is here for the whole scene, maybe describe where she is sitting or standing, and why she looks nervous. Is she biting her lip or her nails, or looking around the room nervously?
I like this, a very nicely constructed sentence with the clauses. We can tell here she is very nervous, so maybe we don't need to be told she is nervous in the previous line.
ooo interesting, some mystery and intrigue here. I like that Nicole is thinking about Beth and her's friendship when they were young.
.... I need to know! A great way to end on a cliff hanger, i need to read the rest now!
This is the latest chapter: The monster within | Chapter Eleven |
I have other chapters of this in my %u201CThe monster within%u2026%u201D folder, I shall add more to the story later!
I%u2019m glad that you enjoyed!