*This fanfic chapter is underneath my folder titled “The monster within…”. This is a fanfic of the R.L. Stine movie “Monsterville: Cabinet of Souls”. It takes place a year after the movie. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33[2]”. Enjoy!*
NICOLE
I can’t believe that Beth kept this secret from us. Now she’s reaching into her pocket. What now, a book of evil magic?
“I took this before we left.” Beth says, taking out a freaking book of magic!
“I think it has the history of Dr. Hysteria and all that-“
“We’re going to read?!” Luke whines.
“Only a few pages!” I snap. How can he whine now? This is serious!
This could help us!
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,739 Reviews
Oh is this a continuation of the previous scene? Maybe consider putting them together.
Again, I feel like it's so short that there's not much to say, nothing really to sink my teeth into.
That said, while "Beth says" should have the comma, as I mentioned in the previous review, the other instances of speech are formatted correctly!
This is very short, so maybe it could benefit from multiple chapters merging or this one being fleshed out more. It seems to me as if Nicole is resentful towards Beth at the beginning and immediately switches to supporting her. The motivation for this change could have been shown more clearly (or it could be made more obvious that this is not the case and I have misinterpreted it). I also cannot tell who is speaking in the third line, after Beth first speaks. There is a line break to indicate a new speaker but no dialogue tag to indicate who it is.
I do like the tension building here and the internal monologue from Nicole.
The dialogue and actions are intriguing and I like them, I just think they could have been expanded and explained more clearly.
Beth speaks in the first two lines.
And I have other chapters of this fanfic under the folder I mentioned in the author%u2019s note.
Glad you enjoyed.