The monster within | Chapter Eighteen | Luke

by creeperfeverdreams

Published April 3, 2026

12+ Violence

In The monster within…

*This fanfic is underneath my folder titled “The monster within…”. Gacha Club character designs are underneath this forum: https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/viewtopic.php?f=27&t=116005&start=1305. This is a fanfic of the R.L. Stine movie “Monsterville: Cabinet of Souls”. It takes place a year after the events in the movie and has the two side characters as the main characters. Anyway, enjoy!*

LUKE

“Luke…Luke…LUKE! WAKE UP! TODAY IS THE DAY!”

I open my eyes. The sun could not be more bright and Leah could not be more loud.

It’s only eight in the morning and already she’s screaming like a lunatic.

I manage a smile and gesture for Leah to get off the bed. Once she’s jumping up and down on the floor and not on my rib cage, I pull the covers off.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

The haunted house looks decent. Not as impressive as the hall of horrors, but good enough.

Probably because younger kids are being allowed in. Last year it was just teenagers.

“Come on!” Leah cries out, opening the car door. The girl can’t even wait. It’s fine though. I’m not actually mad.

As I get out of the car, I see that Nicole and her family arrived. Just in time.

Nicole gets out of the car and waves me over. She’s smiling. How can she smile when she has to wear makeup under the boiling sun? I don’t like wearing all this foundation.

Guess she’s used to stuff like that.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

“At least we know what we’re up against.” I say, trying to calm Nicole down. We’re waiting in line for the haunted house. Nicole is nervous, I can see it in her eyes. She’s scared.

“Do we? They’re going after children and they made a haunted house. What if they’re flipping the script?”

She’s right. This is different.

But so what? That doesn’t mean we can’t take them down.

“If anything goes wrong, our friends will be there to help. We’re a team. We know that we have to act.” I say.

She smiles a little. She’s reassured. I can’t believe it. I actually reassured someone. I had no idea that I had it in me, but I do.

I’m glad that I do.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

We’re the next people to get in the house. It’s almost time. This could be fun. This could be safe.

“You’re going in with Leah.” Mom says, handing me Leah, who holds my right hand.

“Are you coming?” I ask, because she’s pursing her lips like she has something to tell me.

“No. Me and the other parents are waiting outside.”

“What?”

After all of this talk of “family time” she’s just going to chicken out? Have us kids experience the brunt of the horror? That’s not particularly motherly of her.

But eh, whatever. I’ll just keep an eye out on Leah.

Unless I can find an escape, that is.

Nope, no can do! I’m in a crowded line that would take hours to break away from. Even if I could break away, I would still have to deal with Lilith, who is patrolling the area. All of the adults are being denied entry of the haunted house. Adults aren’t allowed.

That’s why Mom said she wasn’t coming.

If me and Nicole can pretend that we’re adults, they’ll let us leave. We’ll tightly grip the hands of our siblings and run off. Sure, we’ll be in trouble, but who cares? These are psychos we’re dealing with.

“I’m actually her Dad and she’s afraid-“

“Nice try, kid.” Dr. Hysteria smiles.

Maybe it’s not too late to make a run for it. Get Nicole and Jake. Get the heck out of here!

Too late. He’s already pushed me in and closed the door.

I just have to watch out for Leah. That’s all.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Leah is squeezing the living daylights out of my hand. She’s quivering, as if she’s about to explode.

There hasn’t been any monsters yet.

“What’s wrong? Aren’t you excited about this?” I ask.

She seemed excited about it yesterday when Jake was around.

“Well, it didn’t sound scary when Jake was telling me about it, but now…I’m scar-“

Leah does an ear-piercing scream and jumps on me like a freaking monkey, gripping my jacket. A veiny, pale grim reaper appears out of nowhere, cackling at the both of us.

It’s a well-made, realistic animatronic. I thought that it would be cheesy like last time, but of course Dr. Hysteria would be sick enough to make more real-looking animatronics for children. Of course.

Her face is white with fright. She’s whiter than a ghost.

I don’t feel like I’m holding my sister. I feel like I’m holding a miserable mess and we only saw one animatronic.

“Listen to me-“

A goblin screeches at us. Leah grips my neck as if she’s going to choke me. I keep her in my arms.

She’s got tears in her eyes. Nope, this simply won’t do.

“Listen to me: They’re all fake. They’re not going to hurt you. I was left all by myself in a haunted house when I was seven years old. You know what? I was scared at first but then I made jokes about the animatronics. I made them funny.”

“You made them funny?” Leah asks, her voice cracking.

I brush a tear away from her cheek.

“Yes, I did. Want to know how?”

She nods her head vigorously. Ha! I would have told her even if we weren’t in a haunted house. These are important life skills parents seldom teach.

“You know that goblin? It’s got dirty hair, doesn’t it? All filled with bugs? Didn’t the grim reaper just want a big ol’ hug?”

Leah smiles a little, relaxing a bit in my ears.

“Just think of them as what they are: silly little creatures. Because that’s all they’ll ever be: silly little creatures that want a hug. Okay? Will you do that for me?”

Leah smiles even bigger. I can see her teeth. She nods her head vigorously.

“Attagirl!”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

She’s improved! I don’t have to hold her anymore, she’s just walking next to me. Next to me. I’m not even holding her hand!

Whenever Leah sees a monster, she laughs and calls it something else. A wicked witch is a crazy cat lady, a demon baby is a baby that got a sugar rush, and a scary clown? They’re a silly clown.

I almost forgot that this place is evil. Almost.

I can see Lilith at the end of this narrow hallway of which Leah is leading. She’s waiting for us. She’s waiting for her.

I try to grab Leah’s arm, but she’s gone.

Just like that, I’m in another room.

It’s a bright red room. All I hear are manufactured haunted house screams and evil laughs. I try to find my way out, but the walls are caving in.

The walls are caving in.

Calm down, Luke. Lilith is just trying to throw you off track. No need to hyperventilate like you’re about to die.

Except that Leah is trapped in here with that woman.

No. You’re going to get Leah out of here. I’M going to get Leah out of here!

Did the room just get smaller? It…it’s…so…so…loud…and small…and…horrible…

No. I can do this. I can find Leah.

I push apart the red wallpaper. I’m free. There’s plenty of space.

I run down the hall. It’s dark, but it’s quiet. There aren’t any noises. Just me running down a dark hall.

And someone else. Could it be Nicole or Leah?

I stop running. Standing in front of me isn’t Leah or Nicole, but Hunter, with a panicked expression on his face.

What’s his deal?

“Luke, I’m sorry. About everything. I-“

“Thought you could trick me? Yeah, Lilith did too.” I say, about to walk past him.

That is, until I see that there are no doors.

What does he want?

“I’m not tricking you. This is real.”

“Look, I don’t have time for this.” I say.

I’m about to leave, but Hunter grabs my arm. I try yanking away from him, but he’s got an iron grip on me.

“I won’t take much of your time. I never wanted to join them. They made me. Your sister is in the magic theater, with Lilith. This theater looks a little different than the last one, but it serves the same purpose. Go down this path and you’ll find it.” Hunter says, pointing down a dark path.

Why is he helping me? Is this a trap? Another room that’s going to close in on me?

I don’t see any other exit. I don’t know where else to go.

Whether this is a trap or not, he lets go of me and I go down the path.

I don’t have any other choice.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………

I’ve been walking for a few minutes, but I see a blue door with the words “Magic Theater-See your truth!” painted in white on the door.

This must be the place.

I push open the doors, but…

Leah isn’t here! Only Lilith is.

“You’re too late, Luke. Leah is already a monster now.”

No…Hunter told me…I..I came here…I…

It’s too late. Already, the theater is dissolving and changing. Already, I’m being taken somewhere else.

I failed.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

I’m at the exit, with Nicole. Our parents are waiting.

I turn around and see that Jake’s not with her. Her eyes have a wide, frightened look to them.

They took Jake too.

We’re both probably thinking the same thing. We both want to go back in there and find them. We both want to kill all three of those monsters, but our parents are waiting.

We have to leave.

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
4revgreen
Review
4revgreen wrote a review Review · Aug 1

Hi again! I'm super excited to read this so lets get into it. I gather this is a story about these kdis fighting evil monsters who have set up a haunted house!

I open my eyes. The sun could not be more bright and Leah could not be more loud.


I really liked the opening, but I feel like Luke might have more of a reaction here! I mean, I would certainly be grumpy if this was me. The wording could be a little better: 'The sun could not be brighter, and Leah could not possibly be any louder' or something to the like!

Once she’s jumping up and down on the floor and not on my rib cage, I pull the covers off.


I laughed out loud at this bit! Am I guessing this is father and daughter maybe? Or brother and sister? I haven't read the other parts, but I like the dynamic already.

The haunted house looks decent. Not as impressive as the hall of horrors, but good enough.


Tikaya said a similar thing, so I won't dwell on it, but there could be more of a transition. Also, what about it looks decent? What decorations are there, etc? Lets try describe the scene a little more so I know what is supposed to be decent!

She smiles a little. She’s reassured. I can’t believe it. I actually reassured someone. I had no idea that I had it in me, but I do.


I like this, it's a really nice touch from his inner monologue. It's that sweet older brother vibe where he's in charge but kinda terrified that someone looks up to him?

It’s a well-made, realistic animatronic. I thought that it would be cheesy like last time, but of course Dr. Hysteria would be sick enough to make more real-looking animatronics for children. Of course.


I am so scared of animatronics in real life, this would have been a really good opportunity to go into some detail and describe a scary scene!

“Listen to me: They’re all fake. They’re not going to hurt you. I was left all by myself in a haunted house when I was seven years old. You know what? I was scared at first but then I made jokes about the animatronics. I made them funny.”

“You made them funny?” Leah asks, her voice cracking.

I brush a tear away from her cheek.

“Yes, I did. Want to know how?”

She nods her head vigorously. Ha! I would have told her even if we weren’t in a haunted house. These are important life skills parents seldom teach.


I think that is my favourite part. It's a really sweet moment, bringing Luke's character out of his shell and having him open up to his sister. I wish there were a few more bits like this, since you're brilliant at writing scenes of this calibre!

One thing that is stopping the story from being EVEN better is how it's chopped up into lots of small bits. I think you could find ways to move from scene to scene, show time passing, but writing about it rather than skipping. It kept taking me out of the story every time I realised it was about something a bit different. Your writing is really amazing and the ideas are *chefs kiss* PHENOMENAL, but I think oftentimes the shortness of chapters and paragraphs, etc can let the writing down a little!

Don't let that discourage you, I'm literally in love with all your stories at this point!

Keep writing <3

User avatar
Tikaya
Review
Tikaya wrote a review Review · Jun 16

Good morning! I have come for the two stories in this folder, so let’s start with Ch18~

My first thought is actually: If the sun is so bright, why is there no reaction from him? XD He complains, sure but maybe a wince or blinking or anything would be a nice immersive sentence for the start of the chapter?

“Once she’s jumping up and down on the floor and not on my rib cage,“ hehehehe I like this <3

Hmm I wonder if there’s a way you could have made the transition to the haunted house more smooth?
It’s rather abrupt, going from sunshine and ribcage jumping to exposition abt the haunted house is all ^^

Aww Luke reassuring Nicole is cute :3 Also I like the insistence that they are a team!

Hmm a reminder on the family time section and how the parents feel would have been good for this chapter too. To really center Luke’s thoughts on the matter ^^ Right now, the mention of the parents comes a bit out of left field, even if it was set up in earlier chapters.

Also a reminder on why they are even doing this with Leah when it is so dangerous. Just a reiteration that they have to do it this way, that they there is no other choice 😊

I try to grab Leah’s arm, but she’s gone.
Just like that, I’m in another room.
Alrighty, I enjoyed Luke calming his sister with humour, that’s v adorable. But now, after he KNOWS Lilith is there, it feels like it’s too convenient that JUST NOW Leah’s gone. Like, it comes too suddenly even for the narration?

Also that he just accepts being teleported elsewhere… I feel like you could describe this a bit more 😊

I do like that Luke’s claustrophobia comes across very well through narration (probably leftover from the haunted house when he was 7 and what happened last year too?)

Okay, this chapter left me very confused. I wish you made it more clear, here, why they had to go into the haunted house. I didn’t feel like the explanations delivered where sufficient ^^

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“Can a magician kill a man by magic?” Lord Wellington asked Strange. Strange frowned. He seemed to dislike the question. “I suppose a magician might,” he admitted, “but a gentleman never could.”
— Susanna Clarke, Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell