*This story is a fanfiction and a sequel of the R. L. Stine movie: “Monsterville: Cabinet of Souls”. If you want to read other chapters, check underneath my folder titled “The monster within…”. Gacha Club character designs are on my wall. Enjoy!*
NICOLE
I wish that Luke’s idea worked. I thought that something would happen if I just closed my eyes and concentrated, like in the movies, but nothing happened. Maybe I need to learn a few spells in order to undo our curse. Last time, Dr. Hysteria was controlling me. I didn’t think at all. My soul literally belonged to him.
But that’s not the case for now. I had to put makeup on the both of us. Luke wouldn’t hold still, so it took a little longer on him (and he needed the makeup more than me), giving me less time to put makeup on and straighten my hair, so right now I look insanely tired and like I don’t know how to brush my hair, but eh, at least Luke looks like a human and not like a clown.
I managed to squeeze in time for the both of us to get ready and still give Luke time to text his parents. How I did that without my family acting suspicious I’ll never know, but at least I did it. At least we’re okay. We made it to school as normal teenagers who are definitely not monsters.
We’re walking down the halls together. So far, everything seems good. I don’t feel annoyed times a million and Luke hasn’t made fun of anybody, so that’s good. Another sign that we’re not being controlled by Dr. Hysteria.
Now, where is Beth and Kellen?
Oh goodness, there they are, standing by their lockers, talking to each other. Beth is twirling her hair as Kellen speaks. Yeah, okay, I know that they’re in love, but does she really have to twirl her hair for him? That’s sooo obvious. I taught her better than that. Besides, I had Kellen first. Why should she-
No. Boys aren’t important right now. I never “had” Kellen, I just had a crush on him. I can’t let my thoughts get to me. I just need to calm down and get to class without gaining the attention of Beth and Kellen. Me and Luke are friends, but we’re not friends-friends. We just sort of…hang out. I’m Beth’s friend and Luke is Kellen’s friend. That’s how we met. If they see us hanging out together, they’re going to ask questions. I can’t handle questions, especially in the morning. We’ll talk more about what happened during lunch.
All I need to do is get to class.
End of chapter
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138,304 Literary Works • 672,100 Reviews
Hi Vampricone! Ellie here with a quick review for this chapter
I like this 'literally' statement that you made. I like the narrative aspect that we get in these chapters. It feels a lot more direct that a lot of your other writing, since it is our character speaking to us as an audience. I think you did a good job with this one as well, it feels a bit more spaced out.
I enjoyed the details in this paragraph, specifically the ones about the makeup and straightening her hair. I also noticed the casual and more human spoken direction you went with the voice you used. For example, saying 'but eh' is quite causal. I liked this because it helps us get a better feel for our characters, how they interact, but not only that, also how they think internally about themselves and others.
Great job on this. I will try and review some of the other chapters as well! But I just wanted to say nice work and I hope to read more soon
Your friend,
Ellie
Hey there! Plume here, with a review!
I have to say I'm not that familiar with the source material for this, but I did go back and read the previous parts as well as your synopsis of the movie. I like the premise of this fanfic a lot; it definitely reads like a valid sequel that the official writers would make. The mystery of their transformation back to being monsters seems like a very interesting storyline and I look forward to reading more about it!
The one thing I would say about this part is that it felt like a lot of narration. I would have loved to see more happening in the moment for Nicole and Luke as well. I feel like the only thing that happened in "real time" so to speak was Nicole catching sight of Beth and Kellen at their lockers. There's just a lot of telling in this one, and to really immerse your readers in the story, I think you would benefit from some description and dialogue.
Going off of that, this chapter felt a bit short to me; I know it's almost always quality over quantity, but I think you could manage expanding on the scenes a bit. I would have loved to see some more interactions between your characters, for example, just to get an even better idea of their unique personalities and relationships with one another.
Overall: nice work! I like your narration style a lot, and I'm excited to keep reading-- the plot is certainly engaging! Until next time!