*This fanfic chapter is under my folder “The monster within…”. This is a fanfic based off the R.L. Stine movie “Monsterville: Cabinet of Souls”. This takes place a year after the events in the movie and has the side characters in the movie as the main characters in this fic. Gacha Club character designs are under this forum: https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic/117842-my-character-designs-lt-33-3?start=165. Enjoy!*
NICOLE
My parents left. I’m standing in the guest room, trying to process it all.
I’m a witch? Luke is a clown? There was never a virus?
What?
“Can I come in?” Luke asks. He’s standing by the door.
I nod, not quite ready to speak.
As Luke stands in front of me, I’m reminded of last year, when we bumped into each other at the Halloween fair. It was after we were at the magic theater. His eyes were hazy, controlled by Dr. Hysteria. I wanted to say something to him, and he wanted to say something to me, but we were too lost in ourselves to say a word. We just glanced at one another and went home.
The only difference is that we’re in control now. In control. It’s not the work of a demon, taking our souls, speeding up our transition, turning us evil.
It’s us, exactly where we need to be.
It was field day at Smith Elementary when I was hugged for the first and last time. Luke was excited about winning against the higher grades that he got himself a popsicle stick. Luke is never careful when he eats food. The popsicle goo got all over his fingers and then he hugged me. It got all over my hair and clothes. I never wanted to be hugged by him again.
But now?
Now, the space between me and Luke feels so overwhelmingly big.
“Can you hug me?” I ask.
“Really? I thought that-“
“Please?”
I don’t want to have to say it twice. I just need one hug and that’s it.
Luke walks up to me and hugs me. It’s warm, it’s wonderful, and…and I like it.
Was this what I was missing all these lonely years?
“Should we tell the others what we really are?” Luke asks, breaking me out of my thoughts.
“Not now. Later.” I say. I just need this moment to last a little longer.
“Okay.”
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142,048 Literary Works • 676,461 Reviews
I'm so happy you posted another chapter! I'm excited, so let's get straight into it!
I think the pacing here is really nice, and it feels like a more in-depth, fleshed-out scene than some past ones, so your writing has only gotten better! There's a nice flashback beat in the middle that really improves the pacing of this chapter specifically. You could definitely still use a little more description between dialogue & Nicole's thoughts, but overall this was a great chapter. Luke is so sweet!
The first sentence is a brilliant opening. I like that Nicole is questioning everything that has happened, but I think she might have some deeper thoughts than just those three simple ones. If that were me, I would have so many more questions and probably either feel extremely worried/scared about it, or very excited!
This is a really nice little flashback, very well written!
Remember, it should be a comma after later, not a period!
Thx for reading/advice!
actually really liked this. I think the part with Luke and Nicole was probably my favorite because it felt really genuine and not forced. I liked how she remembered not wanting him to hug her before, and then now she’s the one asking him to. I also liked the ending because it was simple but still made me want to keep reading and see what happens next. I think the supernatural stuff is interesting too, but the relationship between them is what stood out to me the most.
Yayy glad you liked it!