The monster within | Chapter Eight |

Hello Hello I hope you dont mind me popping in with a quick review. I think I've read one or two parts of this but not in order so I won't have full context. Please forgive me if I miss something or get something wrong. I will also apologize since this won't be a very long review today. With that being said let's get into it shall we?

Overall I found this a short but fairly engaging read. From the narration alone I got a lot of character from both Nicole and the others. Her annoyance came through very clearly and from the little context I have don't blame her for being annoyed. It seems as if things might be going down and everyone is too focused on food. By the looks of the last line, it might be because Luke is hiding something sinister. I don't get why she's waving it off so quickly if I'm not mistaken these characters have been around the block and should find this to be a huge red flag. I guess their trust will be put to the test just like Luke's poor make-up.

For feedback, I don't have too much to say this time around. However, I will warn you it will be pretty nitpicky. As always I'm not a professional and you don't have to take any feedback you don't want to.

Although we get a lot of character from the narration I do wish you described the MC's body language a bit more. you tell us she is in the hallway but you could show her annoyance a lot better by adding even a few little details. Take for example if she was pacing back and forth or tapping her fingers against the doorframe.

However, that is a very small thing so don't sweat it if you don't want to add it.

As always keep writing and remember to drink water! Dehydration is the scariest thing of all.

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Kate and I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression

Well that was quite the addition here. A few more subtle little hints coming out about things that we very much need to be worrying for in this particular tale here.

Anyway let's get right to: Kate's Line by Line Reactions;

We’ve agreed to meet up at my house. Now, we’re all in my living room. As usual, Luke is gorging himself on a bowl of chips. I’m going to have to clean the crumbs off the couch later, ugh.

Beth and Kellen are sitting on my parents’ loveseat, Kellen holding Beth close, because they’re such a hApPy cOupLe.

Well. No use just standing around in the hallway and watching them.

“Guys, me and Luke want to show you something. Come to the bathroom.” I say.

Kellen and Beth get up, but Luke is still eating. Why is he still eating? He’s apart of this too.

Oh my god, did he seriously forget that he’s wearing makeup?

“Luke, come on.”

“Just a minute!”

“Now.”

Luke hastily throws the bowl on the table and brushes the crumbs off his pants.

Why’s he so nervous all of a sudden? All I did was simply ask him to get up.

Eh, he’s a weird kid.