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Denise-The origin story-Cold hearted survivor

by vampricone6783


*This is the origin story of a character from my story:”The town of Richardson.” If you want to know what she looks like,go to my wall.I made her in the app:”Gacha Club.”

Once upon a time,during the 90s,there was a young girl named Denise.She was fourteen years old and the most loved girl in her town.

Now,why was she so loved? Because she was the prettiest,smartest,”kindest” girl in the entire town.

In other words,She was the “picture perfect town girl” that appeared often in movies and T.V. shows.

But perhaps she was influenced to be this way from her friends.You see,her friends weren’t the nicest people.They ridiculed others and made other people feel bad to cover up their own insecurities.

She met up with the group when she was a little girl.She’d agreed to be their friends when they asked,because what would they do if she said no? Pick on her? That couldn’t happen!

Besides,Denise enjoyed being loved by all.Who wouldn’t?

Surely,nothing could wrong from here..

……………………………………………………………….………

A new circus just opened up! A man named Lucas created it.

This should have been of no interest to Denise and her friends,but it was.

A boy from her school was performing there as a clown.

It was rumored that he had a crush on her,Denise.

So,her friends met up with Denise at her house and dared her to date him for fourteen weeks and then embarrass him in front of the whole school by telling him that she never loved him and that he was just a stupid clown.

“Guys,don’t you think that’s rude?” Denise asked.She didn’t like him,but maybe they could do something less heartless?

“No,it’s not! We’ll just be putting him where he belongs! It isn’t rude at all!” They cheered,grinning.

“Oh,alright.But I’m only doing it for four weeks!” Denise said.It’d be cruller if the prank lasted longer.

……………………………………………………………….

Four weeks had passed.Denise learned that his name was Gabriel,he was the same age as her,he enjoyed all things drama,he pondered life and adored his little sister,Gwyneth.

He seemed to love her,too.

Gabriel had absolutely no clue that Denise was pulling a trick on him.

Even though four weeks had already passed,Denise decided to go by her friend’s dare and do it for fourteen.She was annoyed with Gabriel’s chattiness and his eternal optimism.Now,Denise wanted to embarrass him in front of the whole school.

It’s what people you find annoying deserve,right?

So,she went on with the dare,tricking Gabriel to make him think that she actually gave a damn about him.

……………………………………………………………….

It was on a dark,foggy night that everything would change.Denise was taking a walk in the circus,going on a date with Gabriel.Gabriel hadn’t had time to change out of his clown look,so here he was,looking like a ridiculous fool,walking next to Denise.

She really wanted him dead at this moment.Why must he be so infuriating?! Why couldn’t he be..perfect?!!

Why?!

As they were taking their walk and Gabriel was enthusiastically and annoyingly chatting (as usual) they found Lucas burying something in the dirt.

“Maybe we should ask him what he’s doing.” Gabriel said.

“But why? It’s something stupid that he’s digging.Why should we care what an old man does?” Denise asked.

“It’s not every day you find someone digging something up in the woods this late at night! It looks suspicious.I think we should go ask him.” Gabriel said.

He really was insisting on asking Lucas whatever the heck he was doing.

Denise put on the fakest smile in existence and said with false,honeyed,over-done,syrupy-sweetness:

“Whatever works with you,Gabriel.”

Gabriel smiled at her and she resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

He walked up to Lucas and asked what he was doing.

Gabriel looked down at Lucas’s feet.Denise walked up next to him,to find out what he was seeing,but he ran as fast as he could and grabbed Denise’s arm.

“W-What are you doing?” Denise asked while running.

“He-He murdered William and Isabella!” Gabriel screamed.

Denise looked behind her.She found Lucas chasing them,with a bloody knife.

Denise let go of Gabriel’s grip and ran as fast as she could.If anyone was dying,it was him.Not her.She was too pretty to die.

……………………………………………………………

Denise and Gabriel finally reached the gates.They were locked,but she could climb out.

When she reached the other side,she could Gabriel was struggling.His clown costume was making it more difficult for him to leave.

He looked at her pleadingly,as if he needed her help.

Denise smiled.Let him struggle.He wasn’t that important,anyway.

“W-What are you doing?! Aren’t you going to help me?!” Gabriel screamed.He looked like he was on the verge of tears.

Denise laughed.It was just so funny watching him struggle pathetically to escape the circus!

His face went dark.He stopped trying to climb out.He stared at her,confused.

“You really thought I cared about you,didn’t you?” Denise asked when she was done laughing.

He said nothing.Good.She liked his silence.

“It was just some stupid dare my friends made me do! It was a really fun dare,though.You’re gross and ugly.You’re better off dead!” She said.It was the truth,it was how she felt.

But he didn’t smile or laugh.He seemed..betrayed? She wondered why he would feel that way.

Maybe he just didn’t have a sense of humor.

“Very funny,Denise.But you’ve got to help me! We don’t have much time!” He yelled.

“Who is we? YOU don’t have much time,not me.” She said,flipping her hair.

With that,she walked away,leaving him to die.


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75 Reviews


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Wed Oct 13, 2021 12:03 am
SadboyJay wrote a review...



heyy there!! jay here to drop off a review

First short storys is fun to read and its nothing but some reading for you to do so we going to get in to the story okay so what i had read on is the whole story right so first i will tell you my favorite characters and more Denise and Gabriel that who i would say is my favorite characters It was on a dark,foggy night that everything would change.Denise was taking a walk in the circus,going on a date with Gabriel.Gabriel hadn’t had time to change out of his clown look,so here he was,looking like a ridiculous fool,walking next to Denise. this was actually a incredible piece of your story and the characters was awesome

My compliment is question how did you make it seem like Denise did this and that cause its giving me real fantasy right at soon when i read this and i wanna know what makes you wanna do novels anyway i would want to know cause i love reading them

How you could of Improve is well your work is awesome no problem but you only had like 2 characters but we need more that's what a fantasy is giving suppose to be more i think or whatever but it's to a good incredible story you know

Keep writing awesome work

Jay






Thanks for reading!



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Tue Oct 12, 2021 8:54 am
ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey!! Forever here with a review!!

These short stories are really fun to read. Let's get into it. Denise's friends have influenced her very badly. Maybe they too were influenced by them in a very bad manner. Denise actually became a bit too cold-hearted to leave Gabriel like that. Most importantly she left him when he actually told him about the danger. Seems like Lucas also killed Gabriel. So, Denise is the only one who survived from Lucas. If I am not wrong, Lucas is a serial killer. He did so many murders in such a short period of time.

I wonder about the town in which she lived. Like if she was really the kindest girl in that city, I mean if she was called that, the town must be one of the worst town in the whole world. Like she gave a very clear example of how badly she was manipulated by her friends and how cruel she became. I wonder if her family members didn't tell her anything. That's a bit strange actually. Maybe they pampered her.

Inwonder what is going to happen to Gwyneth. We didn't see her picture quite clearly but I guess she too will play an important role in the story. Maybe we will see her too later. I still don't understand why Lucas is simply killing people for no reason. He seems to be psycopath. I might be wrong. I am a bit confused about why Gabriel really worked in the circus. I would like a bit clarification on the topic.

Now, Gabriel is dead and I wonder if Lucas caught Denise too and killed her. Maybe he actually did. But the main concern is if they will join hands(William and Isabella and Gabriel) to kill Lucas. Also, why did Gabriel refer to Isabella as Isabella? I mean Isabella is elder than her, I guess. Clarification required.

I really enjoyed reading the story. The origin stories are fun to read.

Keep Writing!!

~Forever






Isabella gave him permission to call her by her name.Now,Gabriel worked at the circus (after school,of course) because it was his passion to he a clown.You%u2019ll understand why Lucas is killing people soon,because his story is next.

I%u2019m glad you enjoy the origin stories!



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Mon Oct 11, 2021 5:34 am
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HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: So...we have the only one who didn't get murdered so far, and she seems to so far be the one person that maybe actually deserved to get murdered for her horrible actions. You do a pretty good job showing her thoughts as she turns towards this crime here and then also in capturing her final cruel thoughts before she leaves poor Gabriel to die alone.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Once upon a time,during the 90s,there was a young girl named Denise.She was fourteen years old and the most loved girl in her town.

Now,why was she so loved? Because she was the prettiest,smartest,”kindest” girl in the entire town.

In other words,She was the “picture perfect town girl” that appeared often in movies and T.V. shows.

But perhaps she was influenced to be this way from her friends.You see,her friends weren’t the nicest people.They ridiculed others and made other people feel bad to cover up their own insecurities.


Ooooh....well, so we're going to see the origins of the one person who survived the whole murder spree perhaps...and perhaps the actual most evil person in this whole town..although judging from where this early life description is going, it looks like she wasn't always that way but was influenced by her friends who appear to have been a very bad influence here.

She met up with the group when she was a little girl.She’d agreed to be their friends when they asked,because what would they do if she said no? Pick on her? That couldn’t happen!

Besides,Denise enjoyed being loved by all.Who wouldn’t?

Surely,nothing could wrong from here..


Oh yeah....there we go...the creation of someone that would end up doing something properly horrible...hmm, now I'm very intrigued to see how that whole thing even got started, so this should be interesting..also loving that touch of foreshadowing there, almost feels like a fourth wall break there.

A new circus just opened up! A man named Lucas created it.

This should have been of no interest to Denise and her friends,but it was.

A boy from her school was performing there as a clown.

It was rumored that he had a crush on her,Denise.

So,her friends met up with Denise at her house and dared her to date him for fourteen weeks and then embarrass him in front of the whole school by telling him that she never loved him and that he was just a stupid clown.


Well..yeah, talk about bad influences, those friends seem to be straight up out to hurt people...nothing about that plan even seems like a prank gone wrong or something, this looks to be something that was from the get go meant to cause harm and well I suppose it ended up causing a lot more harm than they initially anticipated.

“Guys,don’t you think that’s rude?” Denise asked.She didn’t like him,but maybe they could do something less heartless?

“No,it’s not! We’ll just be putting him where he belongs! It isn’t rude at all!” They cheered,grinning.

“Oh,alright.But I’m only doing it for four weeks!” Denise said.It’d be cruller if the prank lasted longer.


Hmm, so I suppose she somewhat thinks to herself that its a prank and sort of reluctantly tries to do it...although I suppose along the way somewhere she then becomes more convinced of this cruel thing cause starting out a bit hesitant like this and then eventually abandoning him to die alone is a pretty big change.

Four weeks had passed.Denise learned that his name was Gabriel,he was the same age as her,he enjoyed all things drama,he pondered life and adored his little sister,Gwyneth.

He seemed to love her,too.

Gabriel had absolutely no clue that Denise was pulling a trick on him.

Even though four weeks had already passed,Denise decided to go by her friend’s dare and do it for fourteen.She was annoyed with Gabriel’s chattiness and his eternal optimism.Now,Denise wanted to embarrass him in front of the whole school.

It’s what people you find annoying deserve,right?

So,she went on with the dare,tricking Gabriel to make him think that she actually gave a damn about him.


Hmm...that question there in the middle is an interesting one. It seems like she still has a few doubts about what she's doing and that sounds suspiciously like her friends voices sort of egging her on despite her not really wanting to do such a cruel thing to the poor guy.

It was on a dark,foggy night that everything would change.Denise was taking a walk in the circus,going on a date with Gabriel.Gabriel hadn’t had time to change out of his clown look,so here he was,looking like a ridiculous fool,walking next to Denise.

She really wanted him dead at this moment.Why must he be so infuriating?! Why couldn’t he be..perfect?!!

Why?!


Well...the tone in that final part is a bit of a change. It sort of gives here a slightly spoilt sounding personality, and I'm not too sure we saw that earlier. It looks like her friends really have changed her quite a lot. It does show though, that she's in a particularly annoyed and bad mood her when this happens...so it looks like a nice little set up to what is to follow.

As they were taking their walk and Gabriel was enthusiastically and annoyingly chatting (as usual) they found Lucas burying something in the dirt.

“Maybe we should ask him what he’s doing.” Gabriel said.

“But why? It’s something stupid that he’s digging.Why should we care what an old man does?” Denise asked.

“It’s not every day you find someone digging something up in the woods this late at night! It looks suspicious.I think we should go ask him.” Gabriel said.

He really was insisting on asking Lucas whatever the heck he was doing.


Hmm...I think the question I'd like to ask is, what are you even doing walking around that late at night? But that aside...it is a nice little detail to have the whole going over to see what Lucas is doing be Gabriel's idea, that gives Denise even more reasons to hate him n this moment.

Denise put on the fakest smile in existence and said with false,honeyed,over-done,syrupy-sweetness:

“Whatever works with you,Gabriel.”

Gabriel smiled at her and she resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

He walked up to Lucas and asked what he was doing.

Gabriel looked down at Lucas’s feet.Denise walked up next to him,to find out what he was seeing,but he ran as fast as he could and grabbed Denise’s arm.

“W-What are you doing?” Denise asked while running.


A bit of an odd scene transition, I feel like with where Denise was standing, she should've had a better idea of what was happening, here she seems to have like no idea of what's going on until Gabriel comes running from Lucas with the knife.

“He-He murdered William and Isabella!” Gabriel screamed.

Denise looked behind her.She found Lucas chasing them,with a bloody knife.

Denise let go of Gabriel’s grip and ran as fast as she could.If anyone was dying,it was him.Not her.She was too pretty to die.


Oh wow...those last lines really resonate with the sort of personality that you see in that earlier line about him not being perfect. Denise might have been kind at some point, but now she's changed a lot and become a much cruller, much less likeable person.

Denise and Gabriel finally reached the gates.They were locked,but she could climb out.

When she reached the other side,she could Gabriel was struggling.His clown costume was making it more difficult for him to leave.

He looked at her pleadingly,as if he needed her help.

Denise smiled.Let him struggle.He wasn’t that important,anyway.

“W-What are you doing?! Aren’t you going to help me?!” Gabriel screamed.He looked like he was on the verge of tears.


Wow, that just turned from being annoyed, to genuinely enjoying watching someone struggle for their life on the brink of being murdered. This has really gotten quite far, its hard to imagine just how far gone Denise has to be to enjoy something like that, its one thing to embarrass someone, its totally different to enjoy someone's pain in a situation like this.

Denise laughed.It was just so funny watching him struggle pathetically to escape the circus!

His face went dark.He stopped trying to climb out.He stared at her,confused.

“You really thought I cared about you,didn’t you?” Denise asked when she was done laughing.

He said nothing.Good.She liked his silence.

“It was just some stupid dare my friends made me do! It was a really fun dare,though.You’re gross and ugly.You’re better off dead!” She said.It was the truth,it was how she felt.


Hmm...now she considers it fun too...looks like her thoughts on the matter have been thoroughly changed through her experiences and probably through quite a bit of manipulation from her so called "friends". At this point as a reader, you're actively rooting for her to die, cause really, if I thought she was evil earlier, its nothing compared to seeing it from her point of view. In many ways, she is so much worse than Lucas is.

But he didn’t smile or laugh.He seemed..betrayed? She wondered why he would feel that way.

Maybe he just didn’t have a sense of humor.

“Very funny,Denise.But you’ve got to help me! We don’t have much time!” He yelled.

“Who is we? YOU don’t have much time,not me.” She said,flipping her hair.

With that,she walked away,leaving him to die.


Well we knew that was coming but....oh dear...well perhaps Denise would eventually get what was coming for her, there are so many vengeful ghosts that now roam this town and I assume she still lives in that town for when the ghosts appear. She survived through some pretty horrifying means so I don't most of the ghosts will like her at all.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, another powerful addition to this collection of origin stories. I actually was wondering what happened to her after she left him to die, but I suppose that remains a mystery in this piece at least...at any rate, I loved seeing some insight into her final thoughts there and to see just how cruel she really was.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry





The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and to watch somebody else doing it wrong, without comment.
— T. H. White