*This song is underneath my folder titled “The Town of Richardson”. There are no Gacha Club character designs for this one, but nevertheless, enjoy!*
INTRO:
“Don’t go in there! That place…it’s haunted!”
SONG:
Welcome to the Ladouceur family circus
It’s Hell on Earth
Once a place with joy, jokes, and laughter
Now an abandoned circus of sorrow and madness
There were people here, who once had a light
They shined like you and me, once upon a time
Now they’re haunting this carnival
Their ghosts linger in the dark
I’ll give you the first deaths as a start
Leona and Amelia, two splendid little girls
Rich in money and innocence
Got bullied by some kids and adults because of what they had
Some parents were jealous of theirs
Told their kids to bully them
It all looked bleak
Till the Ladouceur family circus!
Which brought them days of happiness!
Alas, this was not to be
For Mr. Lucas Ladouceur burned them alive
In their house they died
Their parents were the only ones who survived
Didn’t know their kids were there
Till the whole home collapsed and fell apart
Second death, we’ve got Mrs. Isabella Ladouceur
Ringmaster lady
The second in command
The matriarch, some might say
Oh, Isabella!
Her marriage with Lucas was a sweetened one!
She surely loved her son!
All should have gone well….
She noticed how hard dear Lucas worked…
Every night, he’d go to the circus to check it out, make sure everything was working…
The lights needed to shine…
The music needed to play
The signs needed to be clean
You know, that kind of thing
Even if it was dusk
So one evening, she took their son, William, to the circus,
So they could check it out
But they got a sinister surprise
Isabella got a stabbing from her precious and only love of her life
Third death, it’s William Ladouceur
Only thirteen years old
Only wanted to make his father proud
Just wanted to impress him
His mother took William with her
Because she knew he’d want to go
It was his chance for the big man
To smile at his own child
Not one stabbing, but two happened that night!
Now he’s a ghost with along with his mother
The fourth death is rather interesting
It’s about a clown
A clown known as Bubblegum
Yeah, nobody knows his real name
Only something about a dame
By the name of “Denise”
Not a record to be found
Not a single thing
He’s just there
Some say he’s got a stitched up mouth
But somehow he still speaks
How does that work?
Who is he, actually?
He’s unnerving and creepy, all the same!
Let’s talk about the fifth death
It’s so deserved
The one who dies
Is Lucas himself, the killer
Isabella pushed him in a deep pit in the forest
She thought she was getting closure
But now he’s a demon, out to hurt the living others!
The sixth death
Was a ten year old boy
Samuel Clarkson was his name
He got too close to the circus
At the wrong place, in the wrong time
He met the man himself
Well, you already know
He died in Lucas’ hands
Then he got cursed to go on as a demon
Lucas got a human form after
Now it’s easier to trick the humans
And poor Samuel, he really was oblivious
So will you join the souls?
At the Ladouceur family circus?
Will you come with them?
Welcome to the Ladouceur family circus
It’s Hell on Earth
Once a place with joy, jokes, and laughter
Now an abandoned circus of sorrow and madness
There were people here, who once had a light
They shined like you and me, once upon a time
Now they’re haunting this carnival
Their ghosts linger in the dark
Their ghosts linger in the dark...
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Hey, Vampricone! I'm here to review this song of yours. I didn't realize you did songs, so I'm quite excited to check this one out!
This song feels like the opening to a grim musical, the opening numbers warning you that only horrors happen here. I love the grim vibes of it all. It's dramatic and spooky, and it tells all of the stories in a succinct way that is easy to follow and clearly illustrates the horror of each one. With that said, let's get into it!
I would say that these are my favorite lines in this song. It shows a clear transition from happy people, most of them innocent children, to corrupted beings of malevolence. It's quite the heart-breaking stanza.
The one thing I'm slightly confused about is why you chose to separate Isabella and William's deaths when they happened at the same time but you didn't separate Leona and Amelia. It feels a little imbalanced there.
This section confuses me too. Because you say that "he" died in Lucas' hands, which I'm assuming refers to Samuel. Unless that Lucas is meant to be Isabella and is referring to Lucas. So, does Samuel get cursed to be a demon, and because he's cursed, Lucas gets a human form? But then you go on to say that Samuel was oblivious. Oblivious to what? Lucas' human form? Because if Lucas got the human form from cursing Samuel, how did he get tricked? Or was that first Lucas meant to say, Isabella, Lucas got his human form through unrelated means, and Samuel fell for it? Sorry if that doesn't make sense. I'm just a bit lost.
Overall, this was quite a fun song! There are just a couple of parts that need some clarification or tweaking, and then it will be killer (pun intended). Thanks for publishing; as always, I enjoyed reading.
Happy Writing!
Wist
Leona and Amelia died at the same exact time. Though Isabella and William died on the same night, Isabella was stabbed before William, and they were both separated in the carnival.
Samuel did not know of Lucas%u2019 true nature until it was too late. He didn%u2019t even believe in the paranormal. As a demon, Lucas could come up as a dark shadow and take him.
So Samuel was cursed to be a demon by Lucas.
Glad you enjoyed!
Ahh, I see! Thanks for the explanation <33
You%u2019re welcome! :>
Hello there, my friend! Ellie back once again to review one of your fantastic literary works
Oooh, perfect start to this! In my head, it is sort of like a spoken broadway like song, sort of like songs from the Addams family if that makes sense, because of the spookier vibes. Okay let's see what the rest of the song is about! It seems to be telling a story.
I liked the light analogy you use her. You mention how they once had light, but now they linger in the dark, almost like this shadows that are only there to haunt. The light has all gone now, so now there is only darkness. I like the opposites you play with here. Nice work!
You do a wonderful job telling a story here. I like the name Bubblegum- it is oddly spooky and creepy sounding, since it belongs to this mysterious clown.
Ooooh!! And we get so many intriguing questions here
And a fantastic ending here
Your friend,
Ellie