Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence and mature content.
*Here’s another song from my “Town of Richardson” stories. Gacha Club character designs are on my wall. Enjoy!*
It appears I’ve done more than I’ve needed to
I’ve caused more problems than I should have
In the end, it was all worth it!
Yes, the deaths were worth it!
Yes, the murders were worth it!
There’s nobody standing in my way now!
I can finally, finally, finally show my true potential!
I’m gonna give them something to fear
I’m gonna give them something to scream about
Years ago, I was hurt
Now, I’m the one who’s a killer
Who is the monster now?
M E
J U S T M E A N D O N L Y M E
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,022 Literary Works • 672,757 Reviews
Hey vampricone, I'm just popping by for a quick review on these lyrics!
I like that you've chosen some lyrics that all consist of a series of short and concise lines, each expressing a specific thought or emotion. That style coupled with your use of repetition - like "I’ve/I'm/I and Yes, the at the beginning of multiple lines, creates a sense of emphasis and intensity. The whole thing being short but quite punchy is reflective of the style of a lot of your stories, so I think that ties together well.
The hint of darkness and a transformation from being a victim Years ago, I was hurt to becoming the one who inflicts harm Now, I’m the one who’s a killer also ties back to a lot of the short stories I've read!
To perhaps make the lyrics a little more engaging, you could use vivid imagery and descriptive language to create a deeper emotional impact. Also, the lyrics being quite short mean we don't get much emotional development from the character but there's clearly a larger backstory here - maybe you could consider building the lyrics with a more gradual progression of feelings. This could create a stronger connection with the character's development, making the final lines more impactful.
Hope this was helpful!
Icy
Barling, I rely do hope this is just words on a page. not a glimpse of what is to come. If it is the latter please keep me out of your new endeavors. if it is the former your poetry/lyrics strike me as a new "monster" awaking form deep seated trauma and the entities mind has snapped violently. Either way the Carnage will be horrifying or amazing depending on how you look at it
Toodles