*These stories are underneath my folder titled “Town of Richardson”. Gacha Club character designs are under this forum: https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/viewtopic.php?f=27&t=117842&start=105. Enjoy!*
1.Going to school
“You’re the circus boys, aren’t you?” Mrs. Mae asked. There was a sharp tone of annoyance in her voice that made Gabriel flinch.
He and William missed quite a number of school days performing at the circus. Mr. Ladouceur, the owner, wouldn’t negotiate with them. Gabriel’s parents were persuaded by Mr. Ladouceur that it wasn’t that much big of a deal. Mr. Ladouceur was William’s own father, so William was pretty much locked in.
Gabriel didn’t mean to miss so much schoolwork. The way the teacher spoke made him sound like someone who didn’t care about his own future.
It almost brought tears to his eyes…
“Yes, why?” William asked.
Gabriel blinked away tears. People spoke in cruel tones all the time, it was nothing to cry about. William wasn’t upset, which meant that he wasn’t supposed to be upset about it either.
Mrs. Mae hauled a hefty pile of papers on her desk, a cold, strong look in her gray eyes.
“This is only the first pile of homework that you’ve missed. Do you think that you’re big shots because you’re performers? Do you think that you can just skip school days?”
Her tone was getting louder, she was almost shouting at them. Gabriel felt the tears come again, his heart racing. He wanted to talk, to tell her that he didn’t mean to miss school, but he was afraid of breaking down right then and there, in front of the entire class.
“With all due respect, Mrs. Mae, we’re not purposely skipping school. We have a job to do. We’re here now. Isn’t that what matters?” William asked.
Thank goodness William was around to do the talking, Gabriel didn’t think that he would get the words right.
Mrs. Mae’s eyes flickered with surprise for a moment, then they smoothed over and she said, with a small hint of anger:
“Get to work.”
Gabriel swallowed back sobs. He didn’t want to cry, not when everyone, including Denise, was watching. He felt Mrs. Mae’s disdain like toxic radiation, but he wouldn’t cry.
William held his hand as they walked to their seats.
The rapid beating of his heart slowed. William knew how he felt. Gabriel could sense it, just as he could sense how Mrs. Mae felt.
Everything would be okay.
2.Lost and gone Gabriel
Isabella didn’t agree with Gabriel that haunting and harming Denise would make the pain go away. She could see that William thought the same, from how he tried to persuade Gabriel to change his mind.
But the decision was set. Gabriel was ignoring the pleas of Isabella and William. She feared that he detached himself from the world completely and gave in to his broken, bloodied heart.
All Isabella could do was love and protect him, do her best to keep him from an ending worst than death. The poor kid had been through so much, he didn’t know how to respond other than with hatred.
Isabella prayed that he would change his mind one day…
3.An apology
William took a deep breath. Leona and Amelia stared at him, lingering impatience in their eyes. He called them over for a reason, he should just get on with it.
“You see Gabriel every day, right? The clown who doesn’t talk?” William asked.
“Yeah, the creepy clown! We know him.” Leona said.
So he was just the “creepy clown” to them and nothing more? Not someone with a heart and soul?
He supposed that was to be expected with mindless little children like themselves, but still, it hurt him to hear them talk in such a way.
“I know that you are young. You didn’t understand. You threw popcorn at him and called him names. You went along with the public. But you still hurt his feelings. You have no idea how much pain he was in, how much it really destroyed him every day to wake up to a crowd that did nothing but yell and scream at him.”
The girls were quiet, stunned into silence.
“It’s been a long time, but it would be nice. Please apologize to him. I’ll come with you.”
Gabriel never heard an apology in his life. William would make sure that it didn’t happen in death.
“O-okay.” Leona said. She was unsure, but that was alright. William would be there to watch them both.
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
“Gabriel? They have something to say to you.” William said. The three of them were in Gabriel’s tent, where Gabriel sat on the dirt ground, his head hung down in sadness.
He lifted his head up at the sound of William’s voice.
“We’re sorry about making you upset. We didn’t know.” The girls said. They shuffled their feet and held each other’s hand, nervous of what was to come.
But Gabriel simply shrugged and looked down again.
“You can go now.” William said.
The little girls all too eager to leave, ran off.
William joined Gabriel at the ground. Sometimes, sitting together in silence was the best thing a friend could do.
4.The maggots
Gabriel scratched the back of his neck. Why was he itching so much?
He attempted to scream when he saw what was on his hand, but those blasted stitches wouldn’t let a sound come out.
Crawling around and eating greedily at his flesh were white, meaty, maggots.
Gabriel looked down, just to be sure. They were everywhere. Worming their way through his skin, feasting on what covered his bones.
It made sense. He was dead, he should have expected them to come. But still, why? Why couldn’t they leave him? He didn’t want to be a skeleton. His flesh was all that he had left.
No matter how much Gabriel tried to swat them away, the little parasites stayed firmly latched on.
They wouldn’t leave.
5.A lesson
Lucas watched Gabriel as he waved to the guests, a wide grin on the boy’s face.
Why did I hire him? Why did I let him in? Lucas thought.
He knew that Gabriel liked talking to people, that he wanted nothing more than to spread cheer. That’s why he picked Gabriel to be the clown at his circus. It wasn’t like there were others who wanted it, but still, the boy was perfect.
That was just the problem, too. He was in his own heart and soul too much. William was a good kid, but he wasn’t incredibly sensitive.
Gabriel was too much like Lucas once was. He let people into his heart too easily, without a care in the world. He went on life with a smile, despite the circumstances.
The boy did not yet understand how horrible the world could be. How much of a nightmare the world could be.
All Lucas ever wanted to do was drill it into Gabriel that everyone was to be judged, to be watched closely. He wasn’t “cruel” like Gabriel believed, but simply helping.
That’s why, despite Gabriel’s pleas, Lucas wouldn’t let him quit. He had to teach Gabriel.
If he didn’t, then he wouldn’t be a responsible adult.
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I really enjoyed reading these clips. Gabriel definitely stood out to me most of all. His sensitivity feels genuine, and I felt so bad reading scenes like the one with Mrs. Mae. The apology scene was sweet in a bittersweet way, especially with William wanting to hear an apology. I also liked how you added to Gabriel's character instead of repeating the same idea.
I noticed a few places where you explain what a character is feeling after already showing it through their actions:
And in the same scene:
But overall, the strong character writing and emotional depth kept me interested. Keep up the good work!
Thx for reading/your advice!!
Good afternoon creeper :3
Let’s delve back into Richardson shall we? Though idk if I can handle more Gabriel suffering ☹
(and it begins right in the first paragraph ahh)
I feel like you could flesh out this a bit more: Persuaded also doesn’t seem like a word that fits with the rest of the narration here.
I also feel like your using italics a bit too excessively in that first story. Italics should generally be used rather sparingly to preserve their emphasis 😊
I like how you show just how reliant Gabriel is on William. He seems to completely crumble without him!
I feel like the name drop of Isa and William is unnecessary since you already have them disagreeing with his decision in the paragraph before this. So, just writing “their pleas” would strengthen the writing 😊
This makes it sound as if William is abt to murder the girls before they can apologise O_O “Gabriel never heard an apology in his life. William would make sure that it didn’t happen in death.“
Oh my poor baby Gabriel. I am so sad on your behalf
Interesting that he couldn’t seem to stop the maggots? Even if his flesh is rotten, if he’s moving etc they would have a difficult time taking root, no?
I don’t think I understand what you mean here: “William was a good kid, but he wasn’t incredibly sensitive.” He is sentsitive, isn’t he? That’s what the next paragraph implies at least so… I think something went wrong with the double negative here…
Oh what a sinister end to this story …
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Hmm…I meant to phrase it that he’s not sensitive in the same way Gabriel is. But thx for pointing that out.
Thx for reading! (And unfortunately things don’t really get easy for Gabriel).