*This song is underneath my folder titled “Town of Richardson”. Gacha Club character designs are underneath my forum titled “My character designs <33”. Enjoy!*
Welcome to Richardson!
My name is Madeleine
And I’m your only friend
Me and my family got here a few days ago
There was no rain and no snow
But there’s an air of horror
And events so macabre
Fans of frightful movies
Would find themselves quaking and shaking
Welcome to Richardson!
My name is Madeleine
And I’m your only friend
Me and you, we’re the only ones here
They say they’ve got a population of twenty-four
But it’s just me and you, forevermore
The residents here aren’t even alive!
Just wandering souls wishing for closure
I’ve said it once, I’ve said it twice, now I’ll say it again:
Welcome to Richardson!
My name is Madeleine
And I’m your only friend
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,022 Literary Works • 672,752 Reviews
Hello there! This is Orabella, here with a quick review!! ^^
I unfortunately have not read Town of Richardson, but I just had to review this lovely work. (One day... hopefully, one day...)
And though I don't know anything about it, there's a lot that I can infer about it (which is great in lyrics, especially about a story, as it means it's specific to the story and not too vague, in which case it might not be as interesting.) There's a lot about the town that is told - that there are 24 people living there, the person she is talking to probably just moved there, or maybe Madeleine herself? It feels like she knows the place pretty well, but it also says that she moved in a few days ago.
Some things I'd suggest to improve: some of the lines don't feel very flowy in a way I would assume lyrics would go. Often there's a rhythm and pattern for lyrics because they have to fit the notes (although that's not always the case). If you wanted to make it more convincing of lyrics, you might want to try adding more pattern. (Although this is totally not necessary and functions perfectly well as lyrics as it is!)
To make it more lyric-y and song-like, I'd also suggest looking more close at the rhyming scheme. For example:
To me it kinds of feels like the last line should end with a rhyme for "here" instead of "four". It think it might run smoother if it went in an ABA pattern of rhyme (where A is words that rhyme with 'here' and B is words that rhyme with 'four' in this case), although I think that's just me. I pay more attention to rhyming than I probably should do. XD
What I love is the repetition of:
The way it's in the beginning, the middle, and the end just adds so much meaning and at the perfect time, too!! It also fits as a song, as this would likely be the chorus. At first, it doesn't seem too significant. It's just a welcome, an introduction, and what seems to be an ordinary fact. There's nothing suspicious to me about Madeleine saying that the person she is talking to is only friends with her. But when it repeats in the middle and especially at the end, it feels so much more eerie. (Knowing horror is you most common genre, that makes sense) At the end, it feels much more threatening, as if she's saying that she is the only one this person is allowed to be friends with. I might be interpreting that wrong, but it's still cool and eerie!
From what I can see, this is such an interesting story, and I'd love to know more about it! Let me know if you're looking for any more readers for this story, and if there's anything specifically you want me to review. (This story or outside of it) (and yes I'm going to review Zombies of Mariesville very soon I can't wait until I have some more time)
Please have an amazing day/night, and don't forget to keep writing! (It's amazing how many unique stories you have by the way what the heck you're awesome!!!)
Thank you for reviewing! All of my Richardson stories are underneath my folder titled %u201CTown of Richardson%u201D if you%u2019re interested. :>
Hey there, vampricone! Rebel here for a short review.
I haven't read the original "The Town of Richardson" yet, but I will read it one day. However, I have read Madeleine's origin story, and it seems like this little poem is based on it, at least partially.
It seems that the poem is a mix of vers libre and an AABB rhyming pattern... of sorts. For example, in Welcome to Richardson! / My name is Madeleine / And I’m your only friend, the the the last two lines feel like they are supposed to be rhymed, and it feels nice to read them like that. But, in lines like But there’s an air of horror / And events so macabre, "macabre" and "horror" don't exactly rhyme unless pronounced in a particular accent. Even then, it doesn't sound natural. However, overall, the poem sounds mostly natural and fine and seems like something the character would say. And I liked the lines Me and you, we’re the only ones here / They say they’ve got a population of twenty-four / But it’s just me and you, forevermore. - it was awesome.
All in all, please, only keep in mind that you should only take notes about stuff that you think that you need to take notes about. And keep writing! :p
P.S.: This review was brought to you by Team Tortoise. :p