Hi seekingthetruth,
I’m just here to give a short review. I hope you are not offended by any of my comments, it is never my intention.
This is a wonderful story! I am always interested in gods and goddesses. It seems like you have a great plot line, and I know it will turn into a great story. I am very interested, and I’m sure lots of others will be too!
Now just a few comments.
I am going to start at the top, and work down!
Your word choice in ‘wept’ could be changed to make it flow better! A word such as ‘seeped’ or such could be better, if you think so too! Secondly, there should not be spaces before commas. Example: ‘powers, thunder,’ and so on. Finally for the first paragraph: it should be ‘devastating’ instead of devastation.
Second paragraph: I think you should either remove the first three words or change them to for better. Also, you need to identify what Zeus and hades are responsible for... are they the responsible gods? Every I should be capitalized. And there should be no comma after no one. A period should be after humanity, and another sentence should start. Try to shorten the run on sentences!
Try to use the word world less! Replace it with similar ones. ‘A’ should be ‘an’ in the last sentence of this paragraph.
For this fourth paragraph, separate the sentences that are being spoken from the narrative. I fixed this paragraph, where the stats are. Example:
But today she simply said “*You*will have to wait and see”.
This was extremely out of character for my mum so I asked her “*Why?* *Is it* educational*?*”
Mum looked at me and walked on. *I knew something was wrong when she said this “*Pack* your bags and quickly.”
By this point I was very discombobulated by the strange turn of events that were happening around me. I, of course, did what she said and put my stuff in the car.
The same things apply to this next paragraph! Just check them over and see if you can fix it! I’m sure you can
Great job!!
Keep writing,
Sheadun
Points: 654
Reviews: 35
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