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the london plauage

by seekingthetruth

streets black as night. houses crumbled with fear of the plague. doctors declaring the dead. families shattered by plague. disease ridden houses were cut off from everyone making the houses feel very isolated and full. 

prayers,  remedies and doctors did not help in this matter of great importance. people fled London before death could kill them first. A woman leaves London who was once a mother now she is the only surving member of her family and now she only. "oh what a life", " oh what a disease"  screamed the mother in greveinance and in agony.

no one came to her aid, it was silent and she wept like it was raining. London had become jthe plague , no one felt sorry for this poor , isolated women. The horrors that she suffered that year in 1665 were crucifying but she returned to London in 1666 only to meet her apparent fate in the great fire of London.  

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8 Reviews

Points: 520
Reviews: 8

Thu May 09, 2019 7:48 pm
MissDevonshire wrote a review...

Fistly I have to say that I so happy that I have found somebody else on this site writing histrorical fiction:) I both love to write and read that genre.

Heading on to the review. I think this could truly become great! I like your choosing of words and the beginning I find especially well written and intruiging. However I think you could add a lot more detail to this first chapter. I would be even more tempted to continue reading if you were to for example introduce the main character by name and add even more emotion and discriptions. That would make it a bit more memorable wich I think you could benefit from since it is such an interestiing subject that you have wisely chosen to write about. I would also suggest adding full stops and big letters since that makes it easier to read. Other small things to chance is for example "woman" instead of "women" and to write out what you are refering to instead of "jthe". I really hope that this doesn't bring you down. I really think you have got a real good idea here!

Keep writing!

sorry it was because I was in a rush to get to school but I will continue with this at some point

Don't say sorry! I am sure it will be great!

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423 Reviews

Points: 0
Reviews: 423

Wed May 08, 2019 2:36 am
Vervain wrote a review...

Hi seeking,

I see you have this listed as a chapter, but it's very short. I understand you intend this to be a literary sort of thing, but I have a hard time evaluating the work as a whole based off a chapter that is only 3 paragraphs with no action, only description. So let me delve into this based off a few things: the plot hook, the character, the world, and the voice.

These are the 4 things that it is suggested any novel establish within the first chapter, if not the first scene or first paragraph. Unfortunately, I don't see...any of this, except the world. You don't need all four, but 2 or 3 is usually recommended to keep the reader excited, intrigued, and ready to read on. The most I get out of this is that we'll be following a woman who's lost her child and the rest of her family to the plague.

As far as we see, this woman faces no actual conflict, makes no actual change, and simply has a miserable life by the time (we're told) she dies in the great fire.

So why should we care about this story?

As the reader, I'm asking you: Why should I read this? Why should I read about this woman, and her life and her death, and her existence in the plague?

As it is, this isn't even the bare bones of a story -- this is a setting, with two lines of (poorly-punctuated) dialogue and story that is told to us in clumsy, over-long sentences.

In addition, your descriptions are conflicting ("isolated and full", for example), redundant ("before death could kill them"), and seem to be using words that aren't quite right ("crucifying" in the last sentence -- I believe you mean "excruciating", since "crucifying" is the act of torturing someone to death by nailing them to a cross).

The plague is an interesting setting, but that's all we really have so far. Flesh it out -- who is this woman? Why should the reader care about her? Why should we read about her?

Keep writing!

sorry if you hated it but I thought it was quite good

Vervain says...

I don't hate it. I just don't care, which means the writer hasn't done their job of making the reader care. If no one cares, no one will read it.

ok .. I think

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one.
— Leo J. Burke