Young Writers Society

This poem was brutal, but part of that is how real it is. I am a victim of bullying, and as are many of my friends. You captured it incredibly well in such a short poem. The repetition of the same three taunts - "die" "go to hell" and "we hate you" really helped showcase how even just the same cruel remarks made over and over again can break down a person's self-esteem. I saw myself in this poem. Please keep writing. It's important for pieces like this to exist.

Hey, 1nspire here for a review!

This poem was really powerful. Though I have not experienced this exact situation, I can relate to some of the thoughts. It's great that you were able to channel your experience and emotion into a piece that others could understand.

The last line was really powerful; it's hard to read a line like that because I can't imagine feeling that way and I'm so sorry that you had to go through this.

This only suggestion I have is the line where you said "wish I was in Spain." It seemed a little strange to mention a specific place that is mentioned nowhere else. Is there a significance about Spain? I would suggest using a line more similar to "wish I was anywhere but here." I also think the poem could benefit from a little more editing. It's a great start, and once again, I commend your ability to turn a negative experience into something that others can relate to and maybe use to help them feel less alone.


Overall, great work! I hope this comment was helpful; have a great day!

Hello, seekingthetruth.

I've felt the same way as you at times! This poem really reminds me of when I was in middle school, and dealt with a lot of people who weren't kind to me.

You have a good start to a poem here. You use three elements of poetry that stood out to me: rhyme, repetition, and figurative language.

I like that you didn't use all end rhymes, and you used some internal rhymes within the lines. Sometimes end rhymes can get boring, so good job for experimenting with this element!

The repeated phrase really tells the audience what the narrator is going through. Choosing to repeat phrases can be effective to emphasize what's going on in the narrator's head.

You use figurative language in the way of hyperbole, which adds to the mood. Saying "I might just die" tells the reader that you're sick of the pain you're going through every day. You're pretty consistent in this department.

Even though you're using all these elements of poetry, the way they're functioning in the piece could use some work.

once you have said them nothing can be done

you feel empty and I weighed a tonne of depression.

wish I was in spain