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doctor who - the revenge

by seekingthetruth

"Doctor where are we off to now" asked Rose , the Doctor replied " planet viscus becuase it has got the best view of the entire galaxy" Suddenly the Tardis began to shake like a earthquake. Rose  screamed " whats happening" , the Doctor replied " we are getting pulled towards viscus by a unknown force". Crash! went the console and knocked Rose unconscious onto the metallic floor" All of a sudden the unknow force that dragged them down had stopped and the Doctor went over to Rose and carried her onto one of the soft leaver seats"  "Rose , "Rose" whispered the Doctor until she came round. Rose woke up and asked " what happened , where are we?" The Doctor said " we have arrived on planet viscus, are u feeling up to it " " yes" Rose replied. 

Slowly and fearfully the Doctor and Rose set foot outside of the Tardis and only to discover that they were not Viscus , but in fact on scaro, the planet of the Daleks. "   NO , NO NO! howled the Doctor. Rose then said " is this … Scaro." The Doctor didn't need to respond as Rose could see it on his face. " we need to go back to the Tardis now" exclaimed the Doctor. But as they began to turn around a brown and murky coloured Dalek was guarding the Tardis" Rose grabbed the Doctor's hand instantly and  they both ran towards the outback only for a Dalek to stop them in thier tracks. 

"you are the Doctor and Rose Tyler enemies of the Dalek race , you will come with me or be exterminated"  exclaimed the Dalek. The Doctor agreed , however Rose was looking and feeling unwell. " Rose whats wrong" asked the Doctor worryingly. Before she could anwser the Dalek ordered silence" But the Doctor ignored this and asked again "Rose whats wrong?" Rose replied "I cant breathe".  Suddenly the Dalek angrily replied " no talking or be exterminated" And then the Doctor exclaimed " LET ME HELP HER AND THEN WE WILL BE SILENT". The Dalek looked shocked but agreed. 

"Doctor it feels like I cant breathe and my airways are closing up" , The Doctor replied " Rose calm down your having a panic attack, Rose tried to calm down but for some reason she could not. " I cant , I cant" said Rose faintly ,.. suddenly Rose fainted on the Doctor. The dalek the said " walk with me and carry your companion she will needed for your revenge" The Doctor kept checking her pulse to make sure she was still alive. ….

to be continued 

seeking the truth , wrote the truth

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37 Reviews

Points: 300
Reviews: 37

Thu Aug 08, 2019 9:43 pm
demoncat wrote a review...

Since you suggested this I might as well leave a proper review.

OMG this is so amazing though! I love it so much! I love how the doctor keeps checking her pulse. So cute! I seriously shipped rose and the doctor when I was on that part of the series so this is like really awesome! I would like to point out some typos I seen though.
"The dalek the said "walk with me and carry your companion she will needed for your revenge"
It needs a period or two and it has some spelling​/ Grammer typos that should be easy to spot.
Also I'm alittle confused on how the dalek looked surprised? They don't really show emotions. Well except for hate. And they are in big machines so idk I guess that confused me.
Other than that I loved it! And I will read part two. And pls continue writing!

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67 Reviews

Points: 61
Reviews: 67

Wed Aug 07, 2019 7:00 pm
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Anamel wrote a review...

Heya, here to review your story and hoping I can be of some help even though I haven't watched Doctor Who. I like it that you started off the beginning of the story with dialogue so it pulls the reader right in immediately. However, there are a bit of grammar problems. Those can be fixed though.

For example, there should be a question mark after Rose's sentence in the dialogue. Then you should make a line break and on the next space you would put the Doctor's reply like:

"Doctor, where are we off to now?" asked Rose.

The doctor replied, "Planet Viscus. It has the best view of the entire galaxy."

I also suggest not using the word got too much, it's usually viewed as unprofessional in publishing terms but it's not that bad depending on how you use it. Also maybe you could explain what the Tardis is to those of us who have not watched this show? I think it would add a nice bit of detail. When Rose screams, you should also make sure to add an exclamation point after her dialogue sentence just so it matches up. You also use "The doctor replied" twice, so maybe put that at the end of the dialogue instead of the beginning, or use a different word besides replied:

"We are getting pulled to Viscus by an unknown force!" yelled the Doctor. Or you don't even have to say the doctor, just "he yelled".

"Crash! went the console and knocked Rose unconscious onto the metallic floor." I suggest italicizing the crash since it's a sound. Also when Rose goes unconscious, or before she does, you could add some more detail? Like how scared she feels or if her heart is beating fast? It would make the scene more easy to picture and relate to.

"All of a sudden the unknow force that dragged them down had stopped and the Doctor went over to Rose and carried her onto one of the soft leaver seats"

*unknown. I also think you meant leather seats? Not sure.

I don't want to pick on your entire story but I think if you just make sure to edit and look over the grammar mistakes or get an auto correcter to help you your story would be even better. Of course this is what this website is for too lol.

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25 Reviews

Points: 94
Reviews: 25

Tue Aug 06, 2019 10:19 pm
DottieSnark wrote a review...

Hi there! Read your story. I liked it but I think if you cleaned up the formatting a little it would be much easier to read.

The basics of dialogue is: you want the to start with an opening quotation mark, followed by capitalizing the first letter in the sentence. There should be no space between the opening quotation mark and the first word. You should end with a comma or period followed by a closing quotation mark. Again, there should be no space between the last word, the punctuation and the closing quotation mark. If the dialogue is followed by a dialogue tag "such as 'Rose said' then you use a comma, otherwise you use a period. Also, each new line of dialogue should start its own paragraph.

This may all seem nitpicky but correct formatting will really helps with readability and helps your readers follow along as to who is speaking. If you've got a great story idea you don't want it to be hindered by poor formatting.

The pacing of this story is very fast. Everything happens so quickly that I barely have any time to enjoy it. I want to see a scene that unfolds in front of me. What does this scene look like? Describe what the ground of Scaro looks like. Describe the actions that the character's do. And what's going on in their heads? There is so much more that you can write in addition to dialogue, and those things will really bring a scene alive.

You've got a cool idea for a Doctor Who fanfic and I want to know how Rose and the Doctor are going to escape, but I think if you fixed up the formatting and added a bit to this scene it would really make your idea come alive.

That's a stupid question.
— Jack Hanna