Just Love

Hey there, roeckercody! I can't wait to review this one. In this review, I'll be suggesting three areas where I think this poem could improve. I think you're an awesome writer, and I apologize if I come off as overly harsh.

Let's get started, shall we?

(1) Elevation of your vocabulary.

So, I talked about this before, but I really want to say it again. Elevating your vocabulary is key to creating an engaging piece, and I think that one of the best ways to do that is to sit down, look at your poem, and replace three of the words with higher-level words, ones that would make the piece more vivid and evocative. You have a nice message here, but I feel like it falls flat because the language is so bland. There's no problem with simple language, but bland language is an issue. I'd think about this--lots of writers do this regularly, including myself. It's actually quite an interesting game...

(2) Imagery.

Now, this poem's message is nice, and it's presented in clear, candid terms. I like this, but I feel like, as a reader, that I don't have any one image to focus on. I'd love to see a metaphor or two in here--give us a deeper, fresher perspective on loss or love or coping with either of those things or where and how they intersect... anything. I know you're capable of this--you're an excellent writer and I love reading your work.

(3) Flow.

The fluidity of a piece is the part that's immediately apparent, and it's very, very important. Depending on the piece, your flow can be different paces and stop at different intervals, but I find there are places where yours is suddenly stopped up. For instance,

We love the most

Can disappear quickly

When we need them the most

Bonjour, Mon amie!

How lucky the Oracle has stumbled across your poem this afternoon!

You made the claim that this poem is a little rough...
but that means nothing, poetry is an art that is not determined upon skill. To me, the poem is presented in an informal, colloquial, conversational manner.

I absolutely love that this poem is without frills and fluff and directly to the point.
It reminds me of that one friend who may not be sentimental, but gives the best advice to make you feel better by being direct and straightforward.

And you're absolutely right. Every thing must come to an end. It is painful to reflect on the death of a loved one, possibly the greatest tragedy in one's life. But like you said, there's a way to value them now!

The poem to me flows not like a river over smooth stones, but like whitewater rapids over massive rocks, that powerful gush of words that hits you hard.

Keep it up, mon amie

-Oracle

This is a nice short poem. It's explaining a common thought: "always appreciate those you love" (Or something like that) What I like especially, this that unlike most people, you didn't just say to cherish moments with family. A lot of people seem to forget that there are people outside of family can matter just as much, sometimes more… I like how you also briefly tackle the subject of grudges. They take up a lot of memory and its such a waste.
Anyways, lovely poem and keep up the good work!

~The dark one.

It is nice, keep up the good work! But you might want to review the repetition:either make it more common and become a literary device, or find better rhymes.Good luck!

rough...but, nice and touching.

Hello! My name is Corralynn! And I will be reviewing for you today!

So I'm going to start with a two helpful pieces of criticism first!
1. I found this poem very hard to read, the first 4 lines follow the ABCB rhyming sequence, but only by using the same word (which is often seen as a fauz pas). And after that I expected it to follow the same rhythm but it completely broke off after that.
2. I had to read the poem about 3 times in order for it to make sense in my head but it still felt incomplete, especially with the last line. My brain was expecting more and there wasn't anything.

One of the great parts of poetry is it lack of proper grammar and sentence structure and I love that you are exploring everything poetry has to offer (I know I have!), but I would definitely add a couple of commas here, or periods there. This is again to help the reader make sense of the poem in their heads.

Here's a quick example using the last four lines:

The (people you love) could be here today;
And gone tomorrow.
(So) life is too short to hold grudges,
You might as well just love (them while their still here.)

Just a couple minor tweaks that help the reader know where to pause and where to keep going. The few words I added was more of a personal choice to show you where I would personally make a couple of adjustments.

Overall I love the main framework for this poem. Its short and sweet, it gets to the point and the moral of the poem is wonderful. Its one of those things people give minimal thought to and as you said, we're not around forever so we need to make every moment count. This is an idea that will speak to almost everyone in a very heartfelt way which is perfect.

Keep Writing!
Corralynn!