The orb illuminated with an eerie feeling of horror. The fates of seven would be intertwined. She could feel this in her bones, inside her entire entity. The future looked bleak for those that would endure her curse. A curse unique to each would be placed, for nobody should be allowed to empathize with anothers pain. She knew not whom these curses would inflict, only that they would deserve the infliction. She showed no mercy while planning these curses. She felt no remorse to those who would carry the burden.
The orb flickered, showing destruction, fire, burning, everything engulfed in flames and the picture shifted into a desolate town with vacant buildings reminiscent of the bustle of city life with the silence of the countryside. The scenery seen inside the orb changed once more revealing a bridge,with a little nook underneath that seemed to hold a faint glow of life inside. Waves splashed across the vision, providing a sense of emptiness so distinct that it hurt her. She wished for this vision to leave but it stayed, it stayed and it haunted her.
After what seemed like a lifetime it changed again revealing a wicked grin, one that was used to speak with no filter, no care to what was said. She vowed this would be no more, that he would have no choice of what he said forevermore.
She felt so strongly about that last vision that she wished he would be inflicted with a punishment of intense cruelty. The orb continued to change until it had revealed seven curses,seven inexplicably horrible curses. Ones she ordinarily wouldn't wish upon her worst enemy, but for this circumstance it was warranted.
She had been planning these for quite a long while and the satisfaction it brought to inflict them upon others was unparalleled. If she had to endure a curse, so did they. Her goal was to make the curses as painful as possible, to maximize the issues created. The world would soon be in peril, for these seven would try to save themselves and would fail bringing the utmost terror upon everyone. She laughed maniacally, there was a blessing hidden inside her curse. Most people who plan things such as these take their entire lives to make it happen, she had eternity.
She was immortal. She had been cursed 40 years prior to this moment, the vengeance still fresh in her mind. It was a betrayal, this curse, one that she would never forget. One that would cause pain for seven unfortunate people. Some people would find themselves feeling guilty for doing this to people who they didn't choose, but she didn't have a heart like everyone else. The heart keeps you mortal. That's the secret nobody wants you to know, that the most human thing is because of this thing we have called a heart, it produces love which is the most human feeling of all. When the cursed was place upon her, she felt an emptiness inside, and it took her years and years to learn that the misplaced heart was the reason for this. Most other things felt normal, like she was still completely human, but she was incapable of love.
She didn't age, she rarely mingled, she enjoyed solitude. At least, she told herself this. She liked to pretend it didn't hurt, that she couldn't feel pain. She pretended that she was strong, although she was extremely fragile. She acted as though she didn't enjoy interaction but in all honesty, she craved it. The attention, being noticed, she wanted it so desperately. Despite this intense want she knew this wasn't a possibility. If she connected,she would ultimately become hurt, with the pain of losing them. She lived in fear of connections and what they represent. She cannot relate to the trivial problems of the mortal world anymore, she has far bigger problems to worry about.
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140,135 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Hey roeckercody, Imaginator17 signing in here, and I must say, that I loved the atmosphere you introduced with your writing.
Before I get into any criticism, (which I'm having a hard time finding) I think you nailed the dark, eerie atmosphere, which is what I think you were going for based on the tone of your writing. I really liked the beginning paragraph:
"The orb illuminated with an eerie feeling of horror. The fates of seven would be intertwined. She could feel this in her bones, inside her entire entity. The future looked bleak for those that would endure her curse. A curse unique to each would be placed, for nobody should be allowed to empathize with anothers pain. She knew not whom these curses would inflict, only that they would deserve the infliction. She showed no mercy while planning these curses. She felt no remorse to those who would carry the burden."
Through that first paragraph you already give the reader a hint or a glimpse of the world and the what could even possibly happen in the story, "The fates of seven would be intertwined." and given that you also mention curses vaguely, I can only assume that the seven will be cursed in different ways? If so then that makes for a very interesting premise and one that I'll definitely be looking forward to!
Since this is a prologue, I think it's acceptable to preview what's going to happen, and you do a good job of that. Not revealing too much and not giving away too much either. Although, another use of a prologue is to create the world. So you can start straight of the bat into the action in the first chapter. Her, I don't get the full feeling of the setting. Where is this person? Is it in a different world? What does she have against those seven in particular? Like I said earlier, you don't have to reveal too much but give us some starting information to add purpose.
That's all I have to say for now, keep on writing!
Message me if you have any questions.
Imaginator17
Heyoo, Anna Rae here for a review. Let me first just say that I absolutely love prologues, and haven't found a single one yet that didn't make me want to read the rest of the story. Yours does not differ from this - it was very hooking!
Ahh I love your first paragraph. The way you write in general for this is hooking for me. It's different, it's spooky, it's mysterious. The word choice is superb.
I can't tell if throughout the story this "she" character will be the MC, but I definitely think it's interesting that we're seeing the story from the perspective of the villain (assuming she's the villain because she's planning these curses).
I like how she's not perfect, either. You name her flaws in the last paragraph, and her flaws are easy to relate with.
"Some people would find themselves feeling guilty for doing this to people who they didn't choose, but..." There's something a little off about this sentence. The idea of it isn't bad, but I think if you rewrote the beginning part it would be a little more clear. It's a tad confusing.
Other than that, though, I loved it (as I do every other prologue XD). PLEASE let me know when you write more! This looks like it could be a very interesting story, and I'd love to read more.