The Guru's Apprentice (Part 1)

There is a man who we all know. We all must communicate with him at some point in our lives. He holds our futures in his hands. He decides whether what we want would actually be good for our futures. He is both feared and loved. He is known to all as The Dating Guru.

The Dating Guru is the man we must all go to before we begin to date someone. There is a long process we all must endure to get approved. There is an application process, a very extensive questionnaire, and also a two-week return period. It is all very complex, but it is necessary. Since we began this type of system through him. The marriage rate of those who date has increased to 90 percent. That means 90 percent of everybody who dates, gets married!

This is leaps and bound above other countries! It sets us apart from the rest of the world, because we don't have to worry if he says we can date. It may seem tedious and difficult to those who don't understand the process, but we can assure that it is very effective.

Another thing, the other 10 percent of those who don't get married? Well, 7 percent of that is because the marriage guru determines that they are not compatible enough for marriage. They can date each other, but are never to get married.

That is the only flaw in our method. Eventually we hope to eliminate all flaws and have everything be perfect. For now, we all must go through the Dating Guru.

Nobody has ever met him. He is always behind closed doors. In all reality, we can't for sure tell you that he is actually a him. The voice sounds deep, so we make an assumption. He has an ominous quality to him. I will soon know better than anyone, as I am to be his assistant. I am training to learn how to do his job soon. I will be the first person to lay eyes on him. The first to take over this job. I couldn't be more excited.

--

The alarm blasted and my eyes fluttered open. The sunlight brightened the room to an extent that I was practically blind. This begins the first day in training with The Dating Guru. I slithered out of bed and walked down the creaking stairs to the kitchen. It is still odd to be living on my own. Two months now in solitude. It is a strange feeling I find hard to describe. I grab a bowl out of the cupboard on the far left side of my kitchen, the milk out of the fridge in the outer compartment and the cereal out of my pantry. Lucky Charms today, they are magically delicious. I chomp away as I read through the headlines in today's newspaper.

Not many people read the newspaper anymore, but I find it rather interesting. The quirky headlines, and crazy police phone calls. I also enjoy the texture of a newspaper. The feeling is so wonderful in my opinion. Just another quirk of someone ready to become the next Dating Guru.

After my breakfast I clean my dishes and put them back exactly where I found them. I make my way back upstairs and into the shower. The water trickles down my body as I enter the shower. The feeling is one of immense joy. The feeling of all of the dirt and worries of the past day wash away and go down the drain. I dampen my hair and wash. I make sure I am immaculately clean. It is always important to be clean. Cleanliness is something of immense importance to me. I am borderline OCD, at least that's what the doctors told me.

Before I moved out on my own, I would get angry when things weren't perfectly aligned, or in their correct places. I would clench my fists and shout at my parents. One time I even punched a hole straight through the wall. It was very counterproductive. Another time I screamed incessantly until everything was fixed.

I have spent many months attempting to fix my issue. I like to believe I have made progress, although small. That is part of the reason I wanted to get this opportunity. I want to do something that takes my mind off of the horrors of this messy world.

I dress myself after drying my hair off. I brush it to perfection, stroke after stroke, exactly 100 times. I know that I sound crazy, but we all have our little quirks. I check the time and it is 8:30am. I need to be at his apartment by 9. I have a mile or two to walk. I slip on my comfortable shoes and walk out the door making absolutely sure I grab my keys and lock the door on the way out.

I walk down the stoop and onto the bustling street. Car horns blare as cars swiftly pass by. Arguing ensues as I pass a food vendor on the side of the street. The customer is angry because the guy under-changed him. I try to ignore the problem. I push myself to do so. It takes effort and I almost turn around a few times. But I power through the urge. I cannot be late today.

I forced my feet to move faster. I pass throngs of various people. From clowns to little children to the obvious hooligan, there is no shortage of characters in this city. I avoid eye contact at all costs. I avoid connections. A rule that is very clear for the Guru is the observance without relationships. The only thing about this job that I dislike is the forbidden relationships. It's quite frustrating actually. We are the experts, so if we find someone who matches us shouldn't we give it a chance? Or do we tell them 'Sorry your SOL'? That's just idiotic.

My quickened pace quickly tires me out. I stop at the next bench I pass to catch my breath. My asthma is a bitch. Sometimes it consumes my entire being. I am getting more advanced while dealing with it, but there are still times that I find it difficult.

After I catch my breath, I get back to walking. I have made a turn away from the main streets. I drift off into the suburban area just a little. I sigh in relief, too much longer and I don't know if I would have made it. I check my watch as I get to the house I am supposed to be. It's 8:55, so I am a little early. I take in the view. This house is a lot more luxurious than I originally expected. There is a gilded gate that surrounds the house. It's more like a mansion. From this spot I can see the house has at least four bedrooms plus it is on the larger side of things. There is a nice Koi pond in front that gives off a serene vibe to the entire place. The house is painted a dull grey with a deep red door.

I check my watch again, 8:59. Fashionably early. I buzz the gate. I hear a muffled voice come over the comm, "Who is it?"

"It's the Guru's new apprentice. I'm supposed to be here at 9 to begin my training."

"Come on in," the voice replies. The gates creak open and they beckon me to enter the premises. I am two parts nervous and one part excited. The day is hear that I will meet someone who I have wished to meet for as long as I can remember. The Dating Guru, here I come. You are about to meet the Dating Apprentice.