The First Crush

hey ! First of all applauds for you to choose this topic.
The title caught my attention. I first actually thought it's a girl who's speaking it and i thought 'gay' was used to refer to happiness (the old use of the word), but when i realized that it was about homosexuality, I was blown. You've portrayed it really well.
Coming to the technical part, the breaks at few places are unnecessary curbing the poetry's rhythm and flow. Like:

"I tell myself this

Daily

I try forcing myself

to believe

that this is

a phase

nothing more

not feelings

but envy".

This could have been more compact than scattered. Else, i like the poetry.

keep writing !

Hey,
Been a while, but I thought I'd see what I missed while I was gone. Looks like I missed a lot!

So, this poem.

I am going to try to be as unbiased as possible, though it might not sound that way

While I was reading this poem, as a heterosexual female, all I could think of was, "yes".
"Yes, I know what you mean." "Yes, that is exactly how I felt--how I feel." "Yes! Someone finally put it into words, simple words, that I could relate to without much thought."

Let me clear something up:
I have never found other girl attractive, and, no, I have not struggled with telling my parents that I do. I am referring to the rest of the poem--which in all honesty, is really relevant to me at the moment.

That being said, I can still feel the anguish and see how torn everything is.

"Tears

I cry

every night

trying to deny these feelings

I try

to push them away

pretend they don't exist

I lie

to myself

every night

and look at the stars

in awe

I cry

again and again

because i love

someone I shouldn't

I try

to tell myself that

it is okay

to feel this way

I push

myself to believe

that I am not

a monster

but human"

This stanza drives me crazy because I have done this. I know what this is like and it hurts. It hurts when you do it. It hurts thinking about it. It just... it hurts. A lot. I don't care what other people are saying, this is not crap. This is something real people can relate to, regardless of sexual orientation. It's not overdone. It's puppy love. Infatuation. A crush. Whatever you want to call it. It's REAL.

It helps me realize that I am not alone.
I am not the only one who lies awake at night, crying over someone I can't have.

Now, I want to be sure to say that I am not making this post about me, and my troubles, I am trying to prove how much it touched me and how much it has helped me tonight.

I applaud you for taking on such a tough subject. I don't think I could do it justice, in fact I know I couldn't. You, on the other hand, you made such a confusing, emotional, traumatic moment personal and so simple. If my eyes weren't already open to the kinds of struggles that people go through when they realize that they are not what society expected them to be, when they realize that they are not "normal" or "straight" or what have you, then they would be open now. I can fully guarantee it.

You take such troubling topics so eloquently put them to paper that I am unsure why you have yet to publish a book of poems or short stories on these subjects.

Long story short:
You're beautiful.
Your poem is beautiful.
I love how well it flowed and all the little breaks that gave it a beat.
I could really feel the fight in the words.
I loved the back and forth.
I loved the ending.
I love you.

You're fantastic.
So is your writing.

O.M.G. Do you know what i got when i read this? LARRY STYLINSON! It like totally made me smile, because something Harry said was, "My first real crush was....", and three of those words is your title. That makes me so happy, you wouldn't be able to understand. I am so glad to have read this, because i am totes a LARRY, and with this, you could open a new light to the nation of the Larries! YOU ROCK!

Hello Rockercody!!

This is Eros here to review your wonderful creation!!

I liked the way you have presented this poem. It has streamlined paragraphs, just like sweet, small, beautiful Dolphins dancing in the middle of the ocean! Oh! The backgroung is blue too! Well, I liked your way of writing. It is really unique. I liked this stanza :
Love?

I love him

No i do not

Yes, I do

I shouldn't

But I do

I don't want too

But I do

This is wrong

But it isn't

I fight

with myself

arguing

back and forth

of what is right

and what is wrong

It explains about your dilemma. Dilemma about, have you done anything wrong in loving the person, or is right because love is love? It also expresses your thought that, have you loved someone whom you should not, because it won't be accepted in the society, or accepted by the society. I really respect this piece. Hats off to you! You are doing really great! Keep writing...For we all love to read them!
One thing, personal one, but would like to share... I also cry at night, secretly, when the lights are off, because I love a person whom, I know, I will never get in my life. And then, I think that I can't even speak it out to him, because I am not bold, and he too is no bolder than me in such matters. I see him in the class, right in front of me, but I can't do anything
Anyways... You are an artist and have a real talent in you. Write more and practice on it to make your sword of talent, even more sharper!

Hey, yo, Roeckercody! Stranger here on this wonderful Veterans Day and I have a review for you!

POSSIBLE "MEANNESS" ALERT, I APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE
Alright, so, I'm going to relatively blunt on this. This is incredibly topical and generic. That sucked the soul out of your poetry writing ability and the good parts of this poem. It's something that we've all seen countless times before so you aren't on any groundbreaking level. It seems like you're reaching for the tears and empathy in the reader because it's such a common occurrence nowadays. Heck, I'm a heterosexual teen living in honkey-rural town, Nevada and I could have wrote this. I don't mean to be mean with that remark, but it's true. This has a false sense of hope in it, and that really doesn't hit home with the audience. Let's jump in, shall we?

I can acknowledge

a guys attractiveness

without being gay

a phase

nothing more

not feelings

but envy

Love?

I love him

No i do not

Yes, I do

I shouldn't

But I do

I don't want too

But I do

He loves me

He loves me not

Pressure

to conform

to societal norms

and not speak truth

of where

my heart

lies

love is love

no matter

who you are

if I love a guy

or you love a girl

or anybody else

whats the problem?

love is love

that's all.

Pretty fantastic poem.
I hope he notices this and by this, you .
I am not against homosexuality but truth to be told, I have never been in a feeling like this before. But there is this piece of web series called Last Life, its about a lesbian teenage couple and its pretty fantastic.
keep the good work going on.

Hello~

I think that the concept behind this is good. The fundamentals you've constructed could potentially allow you to create something original. However, I don't think this was original. The raw feeling was probably there; I'm not discounting the realness or emotionality that this was most likely created with.

However, I'm sorry to say, but this doesn't come across to the reader. This is partially due to how short your verses are. There are many lines with only one to three words, which makes the flow very choppy. Suddenly your poem not only lacks rhythm, but I'm having to piece the words together along the way because it's so dreadfully formatted that I can't even keep up with the storyline. Fortunately, this is easily fixed. Combine some of your lines; read them aloud to yourself. Separate them based on where you pause in speech. Those are the places where the reader will most likely pause as well. The flow will be smoother, and it will be at the very least easier to read, if nothing else.

Overall, you're dealing with something of an overwritten subject. I've literally read another story exactly like this on this site today. This is fine. Of course, you can still write about being in love with someone of the opposite gender. It's your execution that I'm going to pay attention to. Stating the simple fact that you're in love, telling me who your in love with, and then plainly describing your internal conflict in literal terms isn't enough to engage me. Instead, I'm led to think, oh, it's one of those things, nothing special, because you're telling me the same old tale.

As a reader, I want you to engage me. I want to be immersed in your words. I don't have to be able to relate with the situation described. But we all have the same general assortment of feelings, and that's what I want you to appeal to. Expand your imagery, and put that raw emotion that the narrator is holding inside into that poem. Like I said, we've all seen this type of thing before. Instead of trying to explain everything about what it's like to be in love (because that's something of a broad topic) shrink it down. Don't give me a summary of a novel or short story. Describe a minute detail about being in love with this person. Stick to their eyes—how you make eye contact with the other person, how you feel about it. Or some other characteristic.

Atticus Finch once said, "You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view - until you climb into his skin and walk around in it." Poetically, in this case, I'm not going to understand what you're trying to communicate in your piece unless you put me—your reader—in the narrator's shoes. Make me feel what you're feeling. If you're having trouble with this, I would suggest just free writing. Think about this person that you're in love with, and write down every single thing they are. Specifically. Down to the smallest detail. And then edit it to your liking. You won't be giving a general overview of a first crush, like you are here, but I can guarantee that you'll connect with your reader one hundred times more.

If you have any questions or need further explanation, you know where to find me. Like I said, this does have potential. You just need to focus more on how what you're feeling is coming across, and less on summarizing every grand idea you want to convey. Don't persuade me by telling me what it's like. Convince me by creating the experience.

Best wishes
Savvy

Pretty fantastic poem.
I hope he notices this and by this, you .