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operation imperial- ch 2

by rishabh


2.
Try Again
When I was in IIT, I had so many friends and Prof. Gupta was one of them. Prof. Gupta was very nice person he gave me lot of good advices but I never took them seriously. How I could forget that day when I met with him for the first time, in the campus cafeteria. That day also he gave me a perfect advice but I told you that I had never paid attention to his fruitful advices.
At that time, I was in little tension. I was making some torpid plan so that anyhow I got friendly with my class. When I had finished my sixth cup of coffee, I saw an old man standing beside me and reading my notes. After reading the whole stuff, he asked politely:
“What are you doing son?”
“Nothing just trying to come outta shit” I had given him the weirdest reply.
After giving a thoughtful look to my notes, he sat beside me.
“Son, these notes will never help you,” he said as if he was some ‘gyani mahapurush’ or something.
“What rubbish!” I exclaimed.
“Yeah, lad teaching is not done via making some jerk notes. It is an art and those who gain excellence in this art they become good faculties in their respective fields.” He gave me a philosophical answer and I always feel crap when someone gives me Pravachan in between my work.
“Please sir, right now I am not in the mood to hear your pravachan I have to finish my work. And it is a highly important work.”
“I am not giving you pravachan boy this is truth you do not know anything about this university and what kind of things happening over here.” He said in the James bond style.
“Sir, you are really wasting my time.” I got little miffed. I answered him in a high voice.
“Calm down son I do not have any wrong intention. I just wanted to know the reason why you are making these notes.”
One more thing I want to share about Prof. Gupta that he was very curious man. If he wanted to know something, he left all the shame and anyhow he grabs his information. In addition, he always cures everyone’s problem with great alacrity.
I told him the entire story about the incident that happened in my last class. He heard me very patiently.
“Ok bunny boy so you are trying to impress your students. Not bad at all, one day they will know that you are a good person; there is nothing to worry about.” As he said those words, a link was setup between us. I loved the way in which he understood my feeling.
“Yeah they will sir. But if my second try also get waste then what will I do.”
“Then try again lad I know you have lot of potential”
His words were very encouraging. I had stopped writing notes for my lecture and got busy in schmoozing with him.
“Try again? How many times I will try. I have to finish my course also. I have not started a single unit yet in the class.” A debate kind of thing got started between us.
“Don’t lose this opportunity chap, just swim with the time. In addition, it is the requirement of the time. Stick with this try thing and get hold on your class. I am saying this because I had personally experienced this bull-crap. ”
I got involved in that debate with Prof. because from inside, ‘my heart’ had accepted his fruitful opinion but somewhere my ego stopped me. So due to my ego problem I had shown him that I was hearing his stuff just for passing my time. Indian mentality again! Albeit, whatever I was doing was wholly wrong but for me it was partially ok. I was creating my own world. I was there just to teach and earn some fat cash so that I could support my dad. In addition, I was only the earning source in the family. I sent ten thousand rupees every month to my family so that my parents never suffer any pain due to money factor. After debating with Prof. Gupta, I got chilaxed. My all worries ended with that debate. Now it was the time to hit the button. I signed off from the cafeteria, saying thanks to Prof. and reached my room for further preparations.
Faculties in that college hardly took any class besides it was a private university. That day I had arranged my class little earlier as per the plan. As I reached the staffroom, I saw that all the young faculties celebrating Myra’s birthday. They were inviting me also in that celebration but I refused their proposal. I was only the new recruit in that college and I had not even a single friend over there. Before making friends I always go for the type. First, I find friends of my type and then my hand goes to them for camaraderie. I had already chosen my students as my friends in the college.
I reached the lecture theatre on the scheduled time. As I entered into the class, everyone got super shocked. I started taking lecture without confabulating with the students and this was the key point of my plan.
“So today we begin our first unit ‘Boolean Algebra’, as you already know what this chapter is all about, I am expecting that you know the basics” I had a well-executed plan and I was glad that my notes and hard work had shown me fast result. Everyone was listening to my lecture with keen interest and my excitement level was going up every second. At a sudden, I threw a simple cum twisty question among the studious audience.
“Anybody know who invented this Boolean algebra”
A silence entered into the class a small frequency murmuring was only audible in the lecture theatre.
After few seconds, I broke the deadly silence.
“No one? Strange! I am again saying let me know that you know the basics or not.” I said in a rhyming tone as if besides engineering class I was teaching some playgroup tiny tots.
“Sir, we know the basics but we do not know the history of this unit. This is engineering class not arts or something shit.” A dull voice came from the second row.
“Ok. I know but who’s that chap. Come out I heard your query.” I replied to that dull voice but this time I got little miffed but I controlled my anger. I wanted to make a cool atmosphere during the lecture and side by side, I wanted to remove the anonymous panic or anger from the students as well. This time beautiful, lass came out.
“Sorry sir, I will not repeat this kinda nuisance again during the lecture.” She said by continuously looking down via hiding something from me. First, I thought that might be again they were trying to do something mischievous with me but when I unfolded her hands, the story was completely different than I expected.
“It’s ok I am not gonna eat you for this and stop shaking your hands.”
I noticed some serious wounds in her hands but I was not sure about what I had seen. I called her again and unfolded her hands. This time I got a quadrupled shock. So many cuts and lines were there as if she got serious beatings from someone. Nevertheless, the question stops at “why” and “whom”.
“From where you got these wounds dear,” I asked her sympathetically.
She remained silent for few minutes and I was waiting that when she would ‘off’ her silent mode and the moment came for which I waited too long, the hand mystery revealed.
“I got slipped in the washroom” her half-heartedly given answer had not satisfied my curiosity.
“Are you nuts? Please give me the actual answer not a story.”
“Try him Devika” Imtiaz stood up from his place.
“NO yar, he is a faculty member.” She replied to him in severe frustration. “Sorry sir I won’t.”
She came back to her place and started crying. I got surprised and started thinking that why these students are behaving like this. This time I made a move towards Devika to say sorry to her. In addition, I wanted to know the reason behind her wounded hands. However, she started crying so heavily that I stopped my feet. At that time, I thought that might be I called her nuts in front of the whole class so for that she was crying so much. I got no perfect reason for this and I felt pity for that young beautiful lass. My whole plan was spoiled and then I suddenly realised that Prof. Gupta was right, no plans, no notes help you in teaching. Teaching is an art not a football match. Time was almost over so I ended my lecture via giving them some notes so that they would not suffer in their upcoming exams. I ended my lecture and made a move towards the staffroom. Prof. Gupta was standing at the entrance of the staffroom as if he already knows that I was coming there.
“Why your face is so dull?” Prof. Gupta asked in his James bond style.
I remained silent as my mood was off. I was in a shock and I did not wanted to discuss about this stuff with anyone.
“I am ok. Sir” I replied in a shaky voice.
“No you are not, son, I wanna tell you something”
“Sorry sir I am not in a mood to listen your pravachan. I want to relax. Shall we talk later?” I started walking away from that spot.
“Ok lad, this means, you liked Devika’s story.” He shouts.
I stopped and turned back slowly.
“Whoa!” I was in a severe shock and my mouth was ajar.
“Yeah, boy I know everything. Devika’s hands wounded due to chidings and beatings of Prof. Khanna. He is a real psycho.”
“Where is he, I want to kill him, right now. Where is his cabin? That pest should not have the right to survive in this world.” I got excited and started shouting like a mad man.
“Hold on boy. Don’t shout. I do not have the full proof. He was in my black list, that’s all.” Prof. Gupta made my excitement level down.
In this university right from the beginning, I got so many shocks. Moreover, this was a big blow for me.
“Where is it, I wanna see that list.” I asked him with great cheerful readiness.
“Nope, I will show you but at the right time. You are not prepared for this, right now.”
My all excitement goes down to minus level. I took my bag and started walking towards my cabin. In addition, like a door attendant Prof. waved his hand and gave me a continuous pleasant smile until I reached my cabin.


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304 Reviews


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Sun Aug 25, 2013 5:38 am
barefootrunner wrote a review...



Hi there! Okay, so a quick review for you :) and happy review day!

Once again, I'm going to call you on your grammar. You really need to work on this aspect of your writing!

Secondly, the readers need much more details about everything. Sometimes it is impossible to know the exact placement of each character—front of the class, in the isle, back? Where are they? What facial expressions do they have? We really need to see much more.

Next, I need more character development. I have a suspicion that everybody in this class is made in your image, that is to say, they are very much like you. Everyone swears, everyone uses the same type of language, everyone has the same type of behaviour, though slightly varied. You need to separate yourself from your characters.

Next, a specific comment on your main character. I don't think he is entirely justified in going so crazy about a girl's hands. Yes, it's terrible. Yes, the person responsible should be punished. No, he shouldn't be going crazy like that. If you maybe put in a clause about how meek the girl was and didn't look like a troublemaker, it might do your character more justice. Again, description :)

Your plot is moving along very well—not too fast, not too slow—but you need much more focus on character development and description.

Good job!

barefootrunner




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Sun Jun 30, 2013 10:21 am
Rydia wrote a review...



Hello! This looks like a good piece to review :D

Specifics

1. I'd like to talk about your first sentence. I realise it's not the first of the novel, but it is the first of a chapter and you have to take extra care with all of those. At the moment, it's a little too ordinary and almost too casual to have much of an impact. Maybe you could try something like:

"When I was in the IIT, I had more friends than days to spend with them, and Professor Gupta was one of the more unusual."

2.

Prof. Gupta was a very nice person he who gave me lot of good advices, but I never took them him seriously.


There are a lot of sentences like this which don't quite flow or don't make sense. I think this would really be improved if you found someone close to you who could proof read it. Most of it's very simple grammar mistakes, but these can be easy to miss in our own writing.

3. You need to be careful to avoid contradictions - you can't call his advice both careful and fruitless. You can say that she realises now on that occasion it may have been careful advice, but also show us that she still believes his advice in general is always fruitless.

Characters

The character of the professor may need some work. He's hard to get to grips with because you portray him as being very intelligent and philosophical, yet he uses expressions like 'jerk notes' or 'outta shit'. He's not a very consistent character and it will take a lot of extra work to make that possible. Maybe if you described him and showed us similar contradictions in his clothing: trainers with a smart suit or a coin on a piece of rope around his neck? This brings me to my second point...

Description

You're a little low on description in places. You start off well by telling us where this takes place and who the two speakers are, but after that we get little sense of what they're wearing or what is on the table between them etc. A little description can go a long way in helping your reader to imagine the scene. When writing, it's good to consider the five senses to help build that all important atmosphere:

Sight: What can your character see? What do the people/ surroundings look like?

Sound: Is it noisy in the room? Can snippets of other conversations be overheard or is the cafeteria deserted? Are either of them eating? The sound of cutlery etc.

Smell: They're in a cafeteria so what are the food smells in the room?

Taste: This one isn't always needed, but in this situation, does your character have any food? A drink? What are they doing if not eating in the cafeteria?

Touch: Describe what objects feel like or the feel of someone's hand when they reach out to shake hands etc.

These can and should be applied to every scene and they will help you draw your reader in.

Overall

I think you've got a good start here, but you need to write more slowly and concentrate on building the scene. It's normal to want to push on with the dialogue and the action, but description and characterisation are just as important and are what will make your readers want to continue reading.

Feel free to ask if you're confused about anything in this review!

All the best,

Heather xx




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Sun Jun 30, 2013 5:24 am
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Nate wrote a review...



I enjoyed this! There are some grammatical errors and sentence structure problems, but nothing major. I thought your English was really pretty good.

What you need to work on, though, is description. For example, take this:

“Yeah, boy I know everything. Devika’s hands wounded due to chidings and beatings of Prof. Khanna. He is a real psycho.”

“Where is he, I want to kill him, right now. Where is his cabin? That pest should not have the right to survive in this world.” I got excited and started shouting like a mad man.


You placed the main character's emotion at the very end -- after he speaks. As a result, this exchange isn't as powerful as it could be. Instead, try something like:

“Yeah, boy I know everything. Devika’s hands wounded due to chidings and beatings of Prof. Khanna. He is a real psycho.”

I stopped and turned back toward him. “Where is he," I began to shout like a mad man. "I want to kill him, right now. Where is his cabin? That pest should not have the right to survive in this world.”


By changing the order of how the emotion appears as well as providing some simple descriptions about what the character is doing, you can turn a simple conversation into a very powerful piece.

However, I did find the speaker's narration to be very good and interesting. I especially liked this part:

So due to my ego problem I had shown him that I was hearing his stuff just for passing my time. Indian mentality again! Albeit, whatever I was doing was wholly wrong but for me it was partially ok. I was creating my own world.


Right there, you've shown the reader a lot about who the main character is. It's also slightly humorous, drawing the reader further into the story that you have crafted.





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