6.
Dutch courage
What will you do, when you wanna propose a girl? To be straight, you will tell her your feelings. However, in my case, there was a little curve. After feeling so much pain in this college I wanted someone special to whom I told all my latent feelings. Now, the problem was how could I tell my feelings to Myra? I wanted to say three lovely words to her, anyhow. Therefore, I chose the wrong but courageous path to express my love (without fear) to Myra. That night I was drinking lager with Bahadur (univs’ canteen owner).He was a good cook. Whenever, I felt stress, I went to him for a drink and his handmade snacks. Also at that time, we were having fun together, drinking and sharing our life’s secret stories. My love proposal (to Myra) was a pre-planned game, which I had to play. In addition, all the controls were in the hands of my destiny. I was like a living Muppet.
“Sahabji, why are you looking so worried today?” Bahadur enquired.
I remained quiet; I was busy in drinking alcohol.
“Sahabji, if you are in some problem then tell me. I will help you,” he again asked. He was very caring. In addition, he was the member of the social society.
Our ‘social societies’ or what we call them in general ‘the minority classes’. The people in these societies are way to better than the people in upper class societies. I am not talking about ‘averages’ (middle class one), because they are ‘the most ignored’ people of this world. What my point is that why we give our social societies the severe disrespect? They work in our homes, to make our surroundings clean and hygienic. Why we cannot take any initiative to bring back their goody image? There are so many questions to answer but first, our upper class societies have to be social. The word ‘Indian’ means ‘the one who has lot of potential’. If we have then we can beat any country (excluding war) easily. Nevertheless, why are we losing every race with other nations? The answer somewhere lies in the word ‘discrimination’. You know who invented this grotty word. Yep, it’s our corrupt politicians, business personalities etc. in short “zillionaires”. These GORMLESS worms have stretched this word from Jammu and Kashmir to Kanyakumari.
The same discrimination was bahadur facing in India. He was from northeast. Moreover, we all know what kinda problems they face. They are Indians but we call them Chinese. What a shame and we call ourselves incredible. I don’t think so. Indians are the worst creation of god. We have lost our harmony, respect and uniqueness. Now it’s the time to accept that we are the extinct species. We are not Indians, because Indians never do discrimination.
Now coming back to bahadur, every night he cried for being Non-Indian. In addition, I made him felt comfortable via pouring some more drink into his glass. What else I should do instead of giving him a drink to express his anger in a better way? I am not a shaman then.
“I am little worried but for different reason.” I replied.
“What reason?” he asked while making another drink for me.
For a while, I remained quiet. I thought that should I told him about Myra or not? However, I had seen no fake expressions of sympathy on his face, as also he was the member of the social society.
“Bahadur, I like Myra yar.” I was feeling diffident.
Bahadur stared my face for a while and said:
“Now we celebrate big with this bottle”
I never drank the Indian branded drink. Nevertheless, it was bahadurs’ treat so how could I refuse it. For the first time I drank the ‘desi daru’.
“It’s desi, but…” I started fumbling.
“So what we need, a big celebration Sahabji” he was in nice mood.
“But I am not use to it.” I said. “And I haven’t expressed anything to her yet.”
Bahadur’s face again went dull. His excitement was lost. He placed that bottle on the table and said:
“Sahabji, consume this drink and then see the ‘Dutch courage’ in you to tell memsahib everything.”
I thought that without Dutch courage I lose Myra so for that I had to consume it. Then I opened the bottle like I was opening the champagne. I drank two full neat and my mind, at a sudden, was gone at the highest altitude.
I shouted:
“I am the king of this universe and I want to meet Myra, my beloved queen.”
“Sahabji you are going awesome. Now time to meet your beloved queen.” He was igniting my Dutch courage.
I marched ahead with my army towards teachers’ colony, sector-c, and apartment no. c-99.
“come out my queen, your king wants to meet you.” I shouted fearlessly.
In result, everyone came out including my queen.
“What happened to you, scumbag, why are you shouting at midnight?” An old moron chided me.
I ignored that egghead. I started shouting again.
“I am here for Myra, not for you. Where is my queen?”
Myra suddenly came out.
“Why are you shouting Ratan?” As she called my name, everyone got a super-duper shock.
That moment was very dramatic plus problematic. On one side, I was shouting and on the other side, Myra was trying to normalise my Dutch courage.
“Are you drunk?” she asked.
I stood still my all focus was on her. What should I told her? I was speechless.
“Your silence means yeah, you are drunk.” She was angry.
I was like watching her beautiful face. I was not conscious at all. I just wanted to tell her my feelings. Suddenly volcano erupted.
“Myra, I love you.” I proposed her in front of the mob.
All my shying nature dissolved into the desi beer. Now, I had my Dutch courage with little audience and me.
“What? You are drunk. Go home.” she said.
“You are my home. My home is incomplete without you. Please say you love me. I drank this strong alcohol because I wanted to express my feeling, which I hadn’t expressed in musoorie.” My little extempore went good.
I was feeling nice after giving a lovely speech. Now, I was ‘just’ waiting for the answer.
Everyone in that sector started showing this kind of window dressing as if a nail biting match was going on between India and Pakistan. It was a tensed situation. I was waiting for my answer and others were waiting for the next move. That night was unforgettable one. Suddenly, Myra started running towards me. As she came closer to my face, she kissed me. It was my first kiss. Each person present on the scene started clapping for my unbelievable achievement. I got my first love. Alternatively, it is appropriate to say that ‘Dutch courage’ made this impossible work possible. I thought she started hating me for this c-grade deed. However, it was all due to my Dutch courage, I founded my true love.
End of chapter
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139,498 Literary Works • 672,589 Reviews
Hi there! Right—let's get straight into it.
This was probably my favorite of all the Operation Imperial parts.
Firstly, I liked this chapter. It was quite funny, light and generally entertaining
What did not go down well, was once more the way you (or your character) treated Myra, the great love interest. Myra and Ratan met ONCE and had a chat. Then he comes to her, drunk half out of his mind, and telling her the reason he drank so much was for her. Then, for some crazy reason, she accepts his love! Imagine you, as a man, were approached by a drunk woman you had met once, who is yelling that she loves you in front of all your friends. Would you accept her and kiss her? This is slightly unrealistic. I'd suggest you make many more encounters between them, where Myra smiles at him and shows that she does not mind him, before this sort of mad love.
Besides that, some of your descriptions are witty and really original, for example: "nail-biting match between India and Pakistan". Very good!
Watch when you are ranting on about Indian and world politics. Be careful that you are not just dumping your opinions in readers' faces! Use dialogue and description intermingled to help refine your delivery.
Good job here!
barefootrunner
I like how you begin this chapter a lot. It pulled me in immediately as it was interesting and it painted a good picture. I haven't read the previous chapters, but the first paragraph in this chapter gave me a very good feeling of who the main character was. Good job.
I think you also did a good job with the dialogue. You don't rely on a lot of unnecessary exposition, and instead let the dialogue speak for itself.
As Deanie mentioned, though, the punctuation needs work, but that's fortunately easily solved through some proofreading. If you're interested in developing it further, I'd suggest having a friend go through this with a red pen and a fine comb.
Also, be mindful that a lot of your readers may not know a lot of the stuff that you refer to. For example:
Even in India, I'd bet that a lot of people wouldn't know what you're referring to. Instead of saying, "we all know," explain what you mean. What is that we should know?
Hi there rishabh,
It's always good when your writing gets better.
And don't forget to tell me when you post again on my wall!
Just for future notice, I don't get notifications when you reply to reviews. I only saw this chapter because I crossed it in the green room. If you'd like to let me know when the next chapter is up please post on my wall.
Okay the review: This chapter has improved a lot when it comes to grammar and punctuation! The sentences were good: not running on, and there were no missed words in sentences. Yes, sometimes the tense got a bit messed up and the words didn't all run smoothly. But there was a lot of improvement in this chapter so you should feel proud!
Now, about the story part of the chapter. It was good, and I was interested to see how Ratan would announce his love to Myra. It was in a bit of a strange manner, but it seemed to work. Would Myra be so easily convinced if he was drunk? People say all sorts of things when they aren't sober and I wouldn't accept anybody's love request while they aren't sober. True, he did announce his reasons to Myra but it seemed a little iffy to me there. Hmm... Maybe change this a bit? Although I do know he wanted some "dutch courage"
One mistake that I saw a lot was that you said he didn't know how to told Myra about his love. I think it's that he doesn't know how to tell her. Told is past tense, and tell is present. In speech we always use present tense.
Again: just a sum up. Stick to using past tense, but don't forget it's present tense in speech. You're improving well when it comes to sentences, it just has a bit of a rough word order sometimes. For example, you wrote: I stood still my all focus was on her. What should I told her? I was speechless.
And it's actually: I stood still with all my focus on her. What to tell her? I was speechless.
But from a longer list in previous chapters, when it comes to the English language you've just narrowed down to two things to work on. And the story is processing well. I just wonder when you will come to a climax? Where everything starts going wrong and Ratan has to resolve everything before the ending of the book. When the main problem of the story comes into light.
Keep writing
Deanie x