15.
“You win a few, you lose a few”
SUICIDE NOTE
Dear mother and dad,
Please forgive me. I am neither a good son nor a good teacher. My one hefty mistake took eight innocent lives. From last one week, I am in great melancholy, that asshole President of IMPERIAL INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY (university) gave me the suspension letter; I do not know where to go now. I do not want to live any more. I am your nil boy mamma. Nobody is with me today. I am feeling like a maggot. Dad, I want to give you ‘world’s best dad’ trophy for giving me such a beautiful life, but what a freak I am, I have ruined everyone’s life whether it is yours or…I have ruined Myra’s life too. Sorry Myra, I Love you honey, I do not know how you spend your next thirty years without me, but you have to forget our relation and continue your beautiful journey with someone else. I know it is a mammoth task for you, but you have to close with this for me.
Now it is the time to sign off. I hope I will meet my crewmembers up there; I have to say sorry to them.
Your loving son
that always loves you
Ratan
After writing this deadly suicide note, I popped up fifteen sleeping pills into my mouth at once and then I don’t know what happened, who took me to the hospital. As I opened my eyes, I saw Myra standing beside me.
“Are you alright? Thank god, you are safe.” Myra said.
I was watching her dull face, as she hadn’t slept from several nights.
“Myra, where were you? I searched you everywhere.” I said in excitement.
“And I was looking for you since you left imperial.” Myra said. “ratan I want to confess something.”
“Confess?” Again my questionnaire started.
“Ratan I am feeling very guilty about what I had done to you. I have ruined your happy life. I am a bloody sinner. Prof. gupta was right; I was involved in that conspiracy against prof. dhyanchand.” Myra confessed and cried.
This time a thousand volt current struck me, my eyes became red. My blood started boiling.
“What! Are you mad? How could you do this to me? I truly loved you. You made a joke of my innocence.” I yelled on her.
“please ratan, calm down. I want to tell you everything.” Myra requested me not to shout in that state.
“Nothing’s there to tell. Get out.” My anger was up to maximum level.
“please ratan give me one last chance. After this I will never show you my dirty face.” Myra said in worried voice.
Once again, I lost the battle with my heart and I allowed her to confess more.
“Ratan I belonged to very poor family. My father sold me to the bloody chairman, ‘Swaminathan’. At that time, he was struggling to set up a gang of his own. He wanted to rule on this city. One day he got a ticket from a local political party and anyhow he won a good number of seats. Moreover, being a minister, through black money, he opened a university named ‘Imperial Institute of Technology’ where he started smuggling drugs, arms …etc. slowly- slowly this univ gained popularity among students. Now he used another type of trick to harass others. Nobody can challenge him because of his power. When prof. dhyanchand and prof. gupta stood against him, then he introduced me to finish this game. He ordered me to hang around them as a spy. I sent every information and proof to swami. Nevertheless, I shocked when I heard that he killed dhyanchand and spared the life of prof. gupta. Now I understood this thing. Luckily, again swami’s plan worked when you introduced me in the lab in front of the prof. gupta. When swami took eight innocent lives along with prof., I got shattered and first time I found myself guilty. In that guilty mood I decided to take revenge from swami but I didn’t know how he know-ledged everything and one night he took me to the lone place and tried to end my life. That experience was excessively bad. However, luckily I escaped from there and hid in one cottage. The landlady of that cottage lives all alone, so I sheltered myself there for one week. In that period I got your address and when I reached at the same address one woman told me that you admitted at ‘Mahant Indresh Hospital’. I quickly took one cab and reached the hospital. The whole night I prayed for your life.”
After listening to this sentimental confession or story. My active volcano got silent and I hugged her tightly to salute her courage plus to show her that still I love her so much. In that sentimental environment, my mother watched me with Myra in that position. I quickly got separate from her.
“ratan why you are hiding your face. she is nice girl; she told me everything about what happened with you. But it was my fault; I encouraged you to choose the wrong college for the good salary package.” My mom started crying.
Myra hugged my mom and I was quite happy that I got my love and family back.
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127,378 Literary Works • 671,484 Reviews
There was a couple of things that bothered me throughout this chapter.
1) In this sentence 'I am your nil boy mamma', I think you mean't to put 'lil' instead of 'nil'.
2) When stating names and/or places, you need to capitalize the first letter. For example, 'Ratan' is a name, correct? So it should always be capitalized. 'Prof. gupta' is another one that needs capitalization.
3) Most of your sentences that contain the coordinating conjunctions like 'but' should have a comma before it.
Other than these things that I pointed out, I really believe that this was a good chapter! I really hope you continue this!
Hey Rishabh,
Time for me to read the end of the story. I was bit a shocked when I found out Ratan had lowered himself to suicide. He seemed like such a high spirited guy, but then I suppose the death of his friends must of lowered him.
A little detail to remember here is that when writing dialogue, all the beginnings of sentences still need capitals. Sometimes when they spoke it was still lowercase. So don't forget it here. Oh, and also because Ratan is a name, it needs a capital letter too.
After Ratan writes the note, you say he took fifteen sleeping pills. And then in the same sentence you say you don't know who took him to the hospital. That's a bit fast... I think you should separate those sentences. Maybe say he took the pills, describe his feelings. And then if you start a new paragraph and say he woke up at the hospital, it becomes a bit more dramatic and not too fast.
Myra's confession, when Ratan let's here speak, makes a pretty big block paragraph. Maybe split it into two somehow? Also, when Myra's speaking, bring in some more details! I would love to know how she escaped from the alleyway attempted death scene, because it sounds like something that could hold drama and action in it. It would be nice to see that as well
Ratan calms down and forgives here a little too quickly for my liking. Yes, he does love her which must calm down his anger quite a bit - but she did take part in the murder of his eight friends. Maybe a bit more shunning and time away from her to think alone would benefit this forgiveness? Make sure these feeling-related problems don't go too fast or they seem unrealistic. I like how you mentioned the mum and her feelings. I'm sure many people can relate to this, having a worried mum who blames herself.
All in all, a nice chapter. I'm going to read on and see how it all ends. I'm interested to see if Ratan can do anything and still shut down the univ?
Deanie x
This was very neatly written. I admire the conceptualization of the story. It is very well done and very carefully constructed. I love how the passion strengthens every instance a new bridge sets in, I like it so far, very nice for a bit of a story. Well done and I am looking forward to hear new chapters of your story. :>
Hi rishabh,have a good day!Here is Dark to give review on your novel(story chapter 15)
Not much to say,because I like how your story going through here.But let me give my opinion on the formatting;
This is a letter / suicide note that I think should be written in Italic font format.It can shows the difference between the background stories and letter itself.
from Wiki.
I like your writing style here and I don't have any problem to understand the whole part of your story!Good job and keep it up.
Kudos,cheers
~Dark