‘A mouse may help a lion’
After being discharge from the hospital, I reached my home along with my family. Nevertheless, I wanted to take my revenge from that man ‘Swaminathan’. He was ruining so many lives and anyhow I had to stop that bloody moron.
In the mid afternoon, after lunch I was deleting all the stuff from my mobile one by one. As I reached to the folder named ‘dark fantasy’, an intuition made my mind to open that folder (otherwise I would directly delete that folder from my mobile). As I opened that life-changing folder, I got all the videos and pics that I recorded or clicked inside the univ. I called Myra and renamed all the media files. Now, I got one ‘MOUSE’ in the form of the folder. After the renaming process, we decided to put all the stuff to social media sites like face-book, twitter, youtube, paper-msging etc. I didn’t expect such a response from the people. When these real mobile clips and pics became visible to the young India. A NATION WIDE protest started, everyone was demanding to ban this univ named ‘Imperial Institute of Technology’. We got invitation from every news channel for giving them the detailed information. At that time, my mobile actually worked as a ‘MOUSE’.
Now at a current stage this univ is shifted under the GOVERNMENT jurisdiction and the chairman of this univ is suspended from the party and leading a painful life inside the jail.
At this moment Myra and me, we both are leading happy married life with one naughty kid.
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127,182 Literary Works • 671,484 Reviews
Your writing is kind of dismissive, but I actually really like it. I read a couple of the chapters of this story already,, and I found it interesting.
This being the finishing chapter, I feel it could have more. So much more.
All you have here is something about a guy moving some folders on a computer and stuff, after this whole story I really feel like you need to send it off with more bang.
I know there were more characters in this story. What happened to them?
Also you shouldn't abbreviate university in formal writing as much, it gets annoying.
I feel like you just wanted to finish the story, end it, you got bored, gave up. I respect that choice but come on,give him a proper death, give him a majestic funeral. All stories end, you may have loved this story, you may have not, but wrap him up tighter.
The first paragraph needs more. Just a bit, I now since I have only read some of the chapters, I am not getting the full gist of it, but any reader could tell you that it seems too dismissive, this line as so;
I like the line, it makes me want more, but you don't give me more. That's the thing.
Overall I think you did a great job with this series and I am very happy that you finished it, some people can't o that, and I respect it. If you were proud of this story I think you should go back, clean it up, and flesh it out. I noticed a ton of abbreviations and shorthand throughout the entire thing so yeah, you've finished! a great job. Next step to go, or let it fall to wherever.
Stay sexy.
Hey Rishabh,
They made the ultimate sacrifice for this judgement.
So this is how the whole story of Operation Imperial begins and ends. I am glad I was able to read you're story all the way through and experience it. I think Ratan has come on a great journey.
What seems a bit iffy though, was that if he was really intending to overthrow this university, I don't think her would've merely "forgotten" he had all the videos on his phone. This could do with some correction or it seems a bit unrealistic. I suggest that instead, Myra has all the videos. She was on the enemy's side for a while, so that makes sense. It would help the story seem more real.
I liked how this owner was put in prison, and how you summarized the story with showing that Ratan and Myra lived happily ever after with their child. It was a bit saddening to know that his other friends couldn't though
Another thing which was a bit awkward was that you kept mentioning his phone being used as a mouse. From reading the title I think you meant to get across the message that a small thing can start a rebellion. Maybe a better quote for this would be "the spark that lit the fire?" That way his phone would be the spark. And the fire would be the protest. Whichever one you use, whether you switch the spark or stay with mouse, make sure that somewhere in the chapter you explain what you mean by this. Otherwise it gets a tad confusing.
So, Rishabh! Thank you for sharing your story. I wish you well with the publication, and am looking forwards to more chapters of your non-fiction!
Deanie x
welcome deanie! i love to share my thoughts with you via a fiction. i love your opinions about my novel, you are a great reviewer. it helped me a lot. thanks for your valuable reviews.