all that I am is starlight, dim

Hello, penfeme! It's review day!

I think you've got a simple, solid concept that can work well for poetry. Freedom is a really nice theme to play on, and I think you've definitely taken it in your own direction.

That being said, this still could use some improvement.

One of the first things I noticed about the poem is the odd syntax. Some of it is incorrect, and some of it is just awkward. I'm going to point out the spots and suggest edits.

tonight I set me free

You could say "set myself free" or "tonight I am free"

And the great
smoke white pillows
the stars laying their
Wandering heads upon them

You need some punctuation between pillows and the stars. I suggest an em dash, like this: —

As a side note, quickly, I'm not sure what you're doing with your capitalization. If you're going to capitalize the beginning of every line, make sure its consistent, and if you're not, just make sure it's consistent. I found it distracting.

My eyes' switch flips on

Say "my eyes switch on" to get rid of awkwardness.

incredulous, blocking my wonderment view.

Wonderment is a noun, not an adjective. Use wonderful here, which is an adjective.

The bully gates of gated community safety,

I'm not sure what this means. Are you describing the gates of the gated community as being bullies?

All right. Now that I've got all that out of my system, I'll talk about the content in general.

It's helpful to stick with a theme for imagery. You use a lot of different things, which isn't necessarily bad, but you don't give us any warning. The darkroom tray part was really jarring for me, and also this switch out of the nightscape you've got going on and into a "six feet under curfew" (which I don't understand), and joybirds and such. Try to stick more with the night theme and less with the random images.

Line breaks are what I'll leave you with. At the end of a line, as a general rule of thumb (sometimes it works differently), end on a strong word. A strong word could be a noun or a verb, or even an adjective (though you should be careful when breaking a line in the middle of a phrase). You break the line on conjunctions sometimes, and it's not working.

Altogether, I enjoyed reading and reviewing this for you. I hope that this proves useful to you in some way! Happy YWSing, and happy review day!

How are you penfeme? (That's Romanian, right?) I hope you're having a good week. I'm just dropping by for a friendly review.

Usually, while reviewing a poem, I'd run verse by verse and critique the content, give positive criticism and then state my observations or things that I liked. However, this isn't really divided at all. Now, I don't know if that's just because you purposefully used no verse division or because the website didn't let you. Now the latter's happened to me a few times, so I absolutely understand if that's the case. Tip: Using a mustache (~) can help divide verses and so can playing around with your structure in the Publishing Center. Now, since I can't really review this thing stanza by stanza, I guess I'll just have to individually separate it into little chunks.

Enough chit chat! Let us commence the review!

tonight I set me free

with the summer

black blue sky,

And the great

smoke white pillows

the stars laying their

Wandering heads upon them

Like a best friend who stayed

For frights of a horror flick,

The first thing that popped out at me in the first verse is the first sentence. Though technically there's nothing grammatically wrong with the introduction, it sounds a bit awkward. Using the word 'myself' might have given your introduction a bit more fluidity. I'm also a bit concerned about the capitalization used in this poem as a whole. Not using capitalization while writing is a stylistic choice that's become popular in the last few years and a lot modern poets use it. I don't have a problem with that, however, sometimes you do use proper capitalization and other times you don't.

I thought it might be your way of separating the verses, but that didn't make much sense once I tried reading it like that.

I also felt as though there are a lot of run-on sentences throughout the poem. Reading this your head that's not too much of a problem, but I'm sure that it'd be a lot harder to read this out loud.

I will congratulate you one thing, though. Your writing has a very relaxed and "chill" vibe. I'm a generally very hyperactive and excited person but reading this got me to just stop and read. And today's been a pretty anxious day for me, but it got me pretty relaxed. You've definitely got tone in your writing.

My eyes' switch flips on

as I watch the brazen streetlights,

incredulous, blocking my wonderment view.

Alright, so the word 'wonderment' feels a bit out of place. It's a very strong word, wonderment, and when you use such a strong word, you really have to build up to that or your readers might not believe what you're saying. I mean, yes, the street lights are described as brazen and when you think of brazen what do you think? You think bold and eccentric and attention-grabbing, but I can't really see the brazen streetlights, I just know that they're brazen. What makes them bold and eccentric and attention-grabbing? You've got to make your audience believe what you're saying. I also don't know what it is that's blocking the view.

I gaze and shake the darkroom tray

Of my mind, feeling the teardrop's muse of running back to the ocean of

Where I Belong but I don't know HOW the wind moves me east to 7pm sunsets and liberty beaches.

So then there's this part, and I think that this is when your writing gets a bit confusing. Here's why: this is when I noticed that the poem doesn't have very much of a structure. It doesn't feel like a collection of written verses that relate to each other, it feels more like lines from a pre-written paragraph separated in random order. Poems tend to need structures because it makes them easier to read and understand, it helps people identify them as poems and it gives your writing beat and rhythm.

Here's the thing, your poem isn't choppy. It feels choppy at times, but it isn't choppy. It's just that it's not put together in a way that it can be read very smoothly. Here's an example of another way this little block of writing could be put together (without changing any of content apart from the structure):

I gaze and shake the darkroom tray Of my mind,

feeling the teardrop's muse of running back to the ocean of Where I Belong

but I don't know HOW the wind moves me

east to 7pm sunsets and liberty beaches.

I also noticed that you capitalized the word 'how'. There's nothing wrong with capitalizing something so that it's read in a different way but personally I would have used italics. Again, nothing wrong with it, just personal preference.

'What did it' I ask

And feel the air change and expand, like catharsis and the moon married and had a daughter, me

in all my invisible freckles and obvious flaws.

It was my clearing iris,

Washed by the threatening rain,

The bully gates of gated community safety,

It was Christmas lights gone wrong

But it was the thought that counted,

Epiphany sunlight in the dark past

Midnight & this beating heart passion,

Simple soul, covered wonderful,

Mysteriously in dust.

Let's cut the crap. This is, in my opinion, the strongest part of this work. It is the most well put together and it is the most visually and auditorily satisfying. It's also when I realized that though this poem is confusing at times and has issues, it is very raw. It feels very emotionally sincere. Even when I don't fully understand what exactly is going on, I understand the feeling that you put behind the words. And I really appreciate that.

I want to remind you not to use flowery or poetic images just for the sake of having them or to prove to your audience that you can or that you know how. Use them when they have genuine significance to the story. Making a poem that is carried solely by its pretty words and ideas is like drowning a mediocre cake in frosting. It's essentially sugarcoating. You really only do that a few times throughout the poem, but it's not excessive. Just an observation!

Most pretty good poems tend to have a moment of epiphany or change. This poem had one, and I really appreciate that. There's not much to divulge on that so I'll just continue.

I feel as though some words are used just for the sake of being used. Take this for example:

Washed by the threatening rain,

What makes the rain threatening? You've got a hook, and you grab attention, but you have to remember to answer the questions your readers might be asking.

The bully gates of gated community safety,

I'm a BIG fan of alliteration and this little section had my poetry senses tingling like crazy! Bully gates of gated community safety, bully gates of gated community safety... just sounds nice, you know? I like it!

That's about it for this! We must now move onto the next verse! Er... poetry chunk.

(I want the legacy of fire ablaze past my six feet. under curfew. I want constellations that draw existence to knees. God knows we need the scrapes and bruises of a forest burned down but the joy-birds still singing.)
It was the occurrence
that I am simply dust
Covered destiny,
A bird flying just for
the air is free.

I don't really know why that first section is in parenthesis, it doesn't need to be. I mean, I thought it was relevant. And in my personal opinion, I feel as though if it wasn't it shouldn't really be in the peom. If you were trying to imitate thought, you don't need to signify that it is a thought. Poems are essentially thoughts put to word. Thoughts within thoughts aren't really a thing, unless you're in the movie Inception.

Otherwise, you've got a nice ending. It felt like it ended at a pretty good spot and the last line is pretty memorable. Your whole ending is memorable, in fact.

It's a fine poem and it obviously had thought put into it, some editing and this could be a real showstopper! It's both raw, emotional and calming. A tidal wave of emotion that managed to put me at ease! Congrats.

Don't stop writing and take good care of yourself!