I seldom mourn in the morning.
Pernicious zephyrs promptly greet me
with the golden racket-less alarm.
Untimely, I arise like the wings of dawn
Finding the decade’s muse in a quarterly.
Quite a sum fewer than yester-year
Waste rears in light of the dark.
I dwell in a counterfeit sundial
And thievery blocks the doorway
A knob of silver-fringed locks
Slumber engulfs my disquieted spirit
For the winded ransom of a sixpence
A stoic and somber demeanor I hold,
My timbre sounds means of presumption
“Lend” a petty dime for your time, now darling
Resonantly whispers my bleary incompetence
Diffident bouts of critical rain
Barreling spouts of vanity-fear
Deny and deny it unfathomably –
Oneiric bliss transits evade me
Nonetheless, evanescence ensues.
Night is spent in illiterate winds,
My tongue parched by tendency
My strings tire of being wrung
Red dye falls with precipitation
So to a key my prison alludes
Oh my soul, I plead my solemn case:
leave me be ’till demeaning daylight
Hear now, I speak in a tenor crescendo
Heed my plea with cognition, please –
I whimsically mourn in the morning.
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140,106 Literary Works • 673,010 Reviews
Hello! I figured I'd give you a review on this since it's been sitting around for so long!
This kind of poem appeals to me very much. These are the kinds of poems that I read for pleasure, and I very much enjoyed reading yours.
You had great images, and I really like your fantastic word choice. It made everything feel surreal.
I can't find much wrong with this, but I will try to give some help with it.
There are times in this that it seemed a bit too sesquapedalian. Don't get me wrong, I love words and beautiful ones, but this poem felt a little too wordy, especially because most of the time I couldn't tell what was going on, and I couldn't get the images to connect to one another in a way that made sense to me. Now that could just be me misunderstanding the poem, but I think that a little clarification and trimming-down of words could be in order. However, all the words you use fit with your tone and theme and the do sound nice. They are very... precise words, however, and even the sounds of them don't flow very well. Try reading this out loud. It's kind of hard to do!
Also, I might review the grammar if I were you. There's a couple of places it seems that might be benefited by different punctuation, but you're the poet, and I'll leave that up to you to find because I might just be interpreting it wrong.
But really, I think this poem is good the way it is. I really enjoyed reading it.
Fantastic job, keep writing!
~fortis
Thank you! I do find this one rather hard to read, myself, ha.
Hey there, poem-loving Coehl is here!
This isn't a "sophisticated" or "professional" review or anything, just to let you know, but I do have a few words to say about this lovely piece.
First off, I personally think that there are no grammatical or punctuation errors in this piece. Second, your use of vocabulary in this piece is amazing. I'm not kidding you. I actually had to look up a few words from the poem in Dictionary.com! But I'm not joking around, the use of not-well-known vocabulary was a great touch in this piece, it gave more meaning, depth, and a side to the narrator than in some other poems and third, I really do love the use of imagery and scenery you placed into this work of art. This poem blew my breath away, it helped me create images in my head that I never even thought of, even the simplest of the breeze blowing softly. You did a great job on the imagery.
That's my review for now, nothing big or professional, just a couple of words to say. By the way, this is one of my favorite poems in YWS! Amazing job!!!! <3
Thank you so much!! And yeah I like using non-popular terms no one has ever heard of.
Not a problem, and thats good to hear!