Young Writers Society

Hi, Ruby here for a review!

Wow, this poem is AMAZING! Really, one of the best I've read here so far! I was drawn in by the title- I love Mythology (a little too much)- and so I decided I had to check this out, and I'm so glad I did. First off, this seems like it could have come straight out of an Ancient Greeks' mouth. I loved how you threw in "thee" at the end, which really gave it some authenticity. However, adding a few more of those older words used to address would really give the poem that feel from start to finish, since it was so strong even just at the end.

The subject of this poem is rad, I love that you led into the shock of being in love with yourself instead of just starting off with that. The 3rd stanza is my favorite because anyone would wonder: why be in love with someone who could be so horrible to you? This adds to that surprise at the end, because you've established not only are you in love with yourself, you aren't very nice to yourself either. It gives the reader a lot to think about. The theme of the self-destruction of being obsessed with yourself is something that anyone could relate too- I know I'm at fault for getting a big head.

The imagery found throughout the poem is lovely too. The 'bouquet of thorns' and 'ring of poison ivy' almost gave me chills. Such a contradicting and sadly beautiful thing, and it represents so much just in the first two lines. It caught my attention and left me wondering where the root of this doomed love is. The line
"Into the foamy waters you stare"
is quite possibly my favorite in the piece- it gives such a calm vibe, just like the actual ocean. It also fits in with the sort of gloomy mood of the piece. I just could imagine a cloudy, still beach with this person staring so intently at the water.

I also really admire the structure of the piece. I usually stick with every stanza having the same line, but that's mainly because I sometimes have problems making them different due to ruining the flow. But somehow, you made it work perfectly. It was like reading a well-constructed story as well, a story I just couldn't put down.

I thoroughly enjoyed this and I look forward to reading more of your poetry!!

This is bloody good!

This is my first review in a couple of months so bear with me if I seem unclear or anything of the sort.

Wow, this almost feels like a proverb. I read this and the tone is as clear as day. I try reading this aloud and I feel like I am lecturing or even scorning someone. This is a true beauty in the form of words. The tone is clear, the message is blatant, which you can't really say about too many stories. I did see some rhyming words in this, but they were in inconsistent intervals. Poems don't have to rhyme, but it is expected for there to be some sort of pattern and I am having trouble finding the pattern in this piece. Not to bash the story itself, no error there as far as I am concerned, just the structure could use some work.

Anyway, great poem.

And welcome to YWS.