The broken hearted
and the setting sun,
They all relate,
and become as one.
Life was perfect
it was just for you and me.
Waiting for nothing
holding hands... easy.
I was suffocating in myself,
I needed to break free.
You didn't let me so found,
My own way out, so critically.
You didn't let me be.
You wouldn't count on me.
You gave me no other choice,
To find myself, and be free.
CHORUS
I broke your heart.
I'm sorry but I can't go back.
I'm not a follower.
I'm not part of your herd.
Do you wanna lose this free bird?
I'm just gonna fly away.
Fly back to my keeper, But
I'll fly away from him someday.
END CHORUS
You remembered all my special days.
My birthday, our anniversary.
Those were the days
But I kept up with my mistakes.
One day you left on your trip,
And so i took a day to play,
I messed up, oh baby please,
Life's what you make it, ok?
I remember the shock on your face.
I could see the pain.
it was so clear, it was so raw.
But i told you it was coming soon.
My life tore down, up from the core.
When i saw you cry my love....
but i swore to change my ways for you
and now, I'll never love again.
CHORUS
We belong together.
the fates did so reply for me.
we'll work it out
on the sunset pavilion.
Just as we met.
we'll come through.
till we repeat everything, my love
Again and again, this disseminating loop.
I was all alone.
rocking the baby,
She was your love.
Your last call.
I couldn't tell her
You were gone,
daddy never wanted her
and now he's lost.
CHORUS
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Canary word: Present
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First thing punuaction!!
Now that's out of way.
First verse sure you can think of better word than one or sun. Second thing capitals in all lines this counts for rest of song too.Also you start by rhyming no one screamed stop rhyming keep pattern and flow consistent. Ending part of first verse the first line makes no sense "you because suspicious". Looking at this hurts my head so many things wrong with it, but i'm so tired nothing is consistent in this.
i write about people i know and my feelings. thats all there is to it.
can i just ask about your work?
do you write from experience or just think of songs to write?