Past my empty shadows,
Into common moments,
Secret remedies are ready,
to make you completly disappear.
An entryway to Heaven's gate,
Shattered with my movement.
Is this where the sunshine is?
Where is all the fear?
Am I afraid of what's in front of me?
Do I have to guess again?
What do i expect from you?
You see I can't even breathe...
Am I an illusion?
Are you just my dream?
Just a perfect angel,
but a demon to me, only me.
Why can't I break this wall?
Is it all spinning?
Is this the apple of the evening?
I'll lose everything...
Silently the senses,
Pick a broken lock,
Pouring down the poison,
To what time forgot.
Am I afraid of what's in front of me?
Do I have to guess again?
What do i expect from you?
You see I can't even breathe...
Am I an illusion?
Are you just my dream?
Just a perfect angel,
but a demon to me, only me.
A dreamer's paradice,
Is but a feather's distance.
Confusing pours my mind,
An anagram is formed.
A silent prayer,
quietly it'll set in.
Swirling in a vortex,
Don't leave me here.
Am I afraid of what's in front of me?
Do I have to guess again?
What do i expect from you?
You see I can't even breathe...
Am I an illusion?
Are you just my dream?
Just a perfect angel,
but a demon to me, only me.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
These words are nicely put together and I could almost put a tune them. The structure you have is good also. Thanks!
I could see this as a spoken-word kind of song....
Which is to say, it wasn't bad. It was rather interesting, and I would love to hear the beat or music that would support the background to these lyrics.
It's like a peom in song form. It's really heartfelt. You did a good job with it, especially with the metaphors and similies
Honestly, I didn't think it was very good. I liked what you were saying, I just don't think it was a very good song. There was no rhythm to it, no beat. There weren't even any rhymes! I hink this would be better as a free-verse poem.
I instead of 1. You do this more, make sure you fix it up. It's a simple mistake but annoying.
What? The apple of the evening? What's that supposed to mean? DId you just put it in there for rhymes, or does it actually mean something?
Overall, needs a lot of work. Is this your first song? Because it seems like it. Did you write it with a tune, because I really can't get one, no matter how hard I try. I'd recommend a complete re-write with the same theme, but making it more musical, because it seems like a poem more than a song write now.
Good luck!
(*AAAAAAAWWWWWWWSSSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEE*)
i absolutely enjoyed this if I was a real crit, I'd give it three thumbs up(*tee-hee*) we don't have three thumbs)