Sometimes in the night
Long after sunset
And long before dawn
When I am nice and snug
In my bed
I hear voices.
Sweet melodious voices
They call to me
Laughing, singing
The sounds dance around my eyelashes
Putting me in a dreamy trance.
I breathe softy as I eavesdrop
I imagine they are angels
Or perhaps pleasant memories.
Whatever they are are,
They are magical.
The voices lull me
But I will against them to stay awake.
Their voices remind me
Of the beach nearby,
the waves gently lapping
in and out the sand.
Their voices have the colours
Of the wind.
They sound as bright and flamboyant
as the full moon
Full of love and happiness.
Joy fills my chest
brimming to the top
with euphoric blithe.
The voices dance around me,
silvery smooth
and crystal clear.
My heart sings with them,
My veins grasping the rhythm,
My body is the music
The music is my body.
I soar high with the voices,
as they twirl around me
brushing me slightly
sending pleasant shivers.
Before I know it,
Their lullaby has worked
And my eyelids are shut
And the realm of dreams has taken over.
But if you look carefully
There are still traces
of silvery music
on my lashes.
So sometimes in the night,
long before sunset
and long before dawn
Listen closely to hear
the music of this creation.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,504 Literary Works • 672,591 Reviews
Awww, this is cute!
It reads a little bit too much like a story now, since you lay out the evidence all nicely. I suggest taking away some of the lines, sometimes stanzas, to give it a more surrealistic feel.
Here's what I would do:
Sometimes in the night
Long after sunset
And long before dawn
I hear voices.
They call to me
Laughing, singing, dancing
around my eyelashes,
taunting me to fall asleep.
I imagine they are angels.
Their voices remind me
Of the beach nearby,
the waves gently lapping
in and out the sand.
My heart sings with them,
My veins grasp the rhythm,
My body is the music
The music is my body.
Before I know it,
The lullaby has worked.
My eyelids are shut--
the realm of dreams has taken over.
But if you look carefully
There are still traces
of silvery music
on my lashes.
...or something like that. Obviously, I am not you, because most likely you'll hate the changes. But I think you can see that it reads a little different and, to me anyway, it seems a little more mystical.
Good luck editing!
Interesting! This poem caught your attention and held it, but sometimes the rhythm of the poem got bumpy. I think you should change the title to something like The Fairy's Lullaby though, but that's just a suggestion.