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My life use to be tranquil,
And at the same time exultant,
Soft pearl like drops would wake me,
Tapping my velvety emerald skin,
Tap, Tap, tap
I would open my eyes,
To the crisp new day,
The sky a greenish-blue dome
With soft fluffy clouds
My fiery heart would leap,
Sending an urge through my sandy veins,
To pluck a cloud and,
Hold it on my tongue
The clouds would waft through my,
High majestic hills, slowly,
Loitering, inspecting my vast beauty
They would hover over lakes,
And rivers that flow freely
But that was then.
Todays and tomorrows mornings will be different,
I wake up to the tingling,
Of the vehicles,
As they plough through my hills
I wake up to the hammering
Of their machines
As they pound on my flesh,
Imprinting painful wounds on me.
They stomp on me,
Walk proudly,
They fight each other for my land,
As if they own all, know all.
They pollute me, torture me,
As if I have no feeling,
They drill within me,
Clog up my rivers,
They make me wheeze and choke.
They produce smoke
That snatches,
The exuberant flames of life,
Which exist within me.
I see from my own eyes,
My body slowly turning gray
Do they notice?
Do they care?
I will not be able to go on,
Do they know, to harm me
Would be a mistake,
For they are only harming themselves,
They go on to build,
Great Civilizations, as they call it,
On my lands, plundering and taking freely,
Always taking freely
I see it from my own eyes,
My beauty turning gray,
My once brilliant emerald skin,
Now gray and charred.
I see it all,
From green to
Gray and then to black,
Complete darkness,
They shall extinguish,
The life within me forever.
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139,524 Literary Works • 672,598 Reviews
first of all plz get some punctuation it would make it so much easier to read. I agree with Ginger that you overdid it a little bit in some parts. It's good to get the point across and elaborate, but there is a stopping point
overall it is a nice piece of work and you deserve a smily
Well, your use of imagery was lovely in this, although in some places I think you over-did it slightly - I'm not so sure. The imagery that you did use though really made it easy for me to envisage it in my minds eyes and therefore get a better feel of the poem.
The structure was different and I think I would advise you to rethink this, although maybe I am just saying this when I look at my personal preference - the traditional stanzas/verses.
Other than that, to say this is a relatively new site to you and it is only one of your new posts - you've done a good job.