Young Writers Society

I see what you did there at the end. Like how old people always say they miss being young or something, that was pretty neat to do that. Some of the other things that you did here though kind of made me stop the reading flow to think.

You were young and in love
with the idea of love.

Close your eyes, fall back in time
to yesterdays now broken.
Remember the early days
when he was your mind,
before he destroyed
your love with dynamite.

WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG.

Hallo, Misstoria!

I'm a big fan of the Killers song, so just knowing that it helped inspire this in some way makes me like this piece that much more. I do like this, but I don't have much strong feeling towards it because I feel like it would either do better as a song (in which the emotion can be delivered through nonverbal tones), or is just missing something. The issue I find in many love poems is that they visit the same themes frequently without bringing any new ideas to the table. This follows that scheme, dear, a relationship that seemed picture perfect in the heat of the moment, but in hindsight, was much less than perfect. You're just telling us this story, dear, with nothing to make it unique or fresh to us, which takes you down a dangerous valley: cliches.

Sometimes being relatable is not enough; you need to paint a picture with allegory, with images that show us these scenes and make us almost live it through your words instead of just read it off a page. Try to incorporate ideas that could be unique to a particular love story, like the smell of the scenery on a first date (salty air on a boardwalk, popcorn in a movie theater to name a couple cliches).

Hope that helps some!

June

Hi there fellow Young Writers Society Member! Speakerskat here to review for The Tsunami Tyrants.

Makes me think about my crush and my ex and my crush's twin bro all at the same time. Weird ,especailly the last person 0.o

Anywho, I loved how you wrote this and it really said a lot about love and the heartbreak and heartache we all suffer when trying to figure out "Who do we really love?" and "Who really loves us?"
I didn't love my ex, I like my crush but I don't know if he likes me, and yet again I don't know where that third person fits LOL XD random I guess.

What I'm saying is your piece is really lovley and quite relatable and just so amazing at describing your and possibly other people's feelings and I love that your inspiration was a song. Turly magnificent

Keep it up
~Speakerskat

Hi misstoria! Here to get in a good review for our team and help this out of the Green Room!

Overall, I think this is lovely. There's great imagery and it flows well. I especially liked your opening lines:

Close your eyes, fall back in time
to yesterdays now broken.

You were young and in love
with the idea of love.
He played the game so perfectly
and you gave him everything.