Ours

by misstoria

Published February 13, 2012

In Dramatic Poetry

Loving you
is not an easy
thing to do.
It's complicated,
underrated,
a o so hard.
We fight and argue,
kiss and makeup,
grow and live,
learn and love.
Still they say
dumb and in lust.
I disregard
try to ignore,
but my daddy hates you
even more than war.
I cry and you hold me
and then I remember
why i need you.
Looking into your eyes
I forget the horror
and in those moments
i simply whisper
forever.
Comments & reviews · 1
User avatar
alliyah
Review
alliyah wrote a review Review · Jul 6, 2012

I really liked this poem, and how short and snappy the lines were. The development of the story in the poem was nicely done as well, following the person as they go through the reasons being with them is complicated and ending with that unexplainable reason that they still love them simply 'because'. My favorite lines were " grow and live,/learn and love./Still they say /dumb and in lust./ I disregard"

I only saw a few mistakes. In the 6th line it doesn't really make sense. I think it was probablly just a typo. I think possiblly the line "but my daddy hates you" might be better broken in half because it seems a little long. The rest of the flow of the poem I thought was good. Last suggestion is that in the secound to last line "i" should be capitalized.

Thanks for posting, it was an enjoyable read. Have a great day!

~Alliyah



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