“Kye…” Laise whispered in his sleep, remembering the silky chestnut hair and blue-green eyes. All he could think about was his laugh, gentle and smooth. He missed the brush of his fingertips and the focused look in his eyes. He missed it all. In his painful dream, he was staring at Kye underwater, tears somehow visible underneath the sheen of slimy lake water,
“Laise, why did you abandon me” Kye whispered, bubbles drifting from his parted lips. Laise reached out to him desperately, barely able to see his hand groping in front of his face. But Kye just kept getting farther away, until all he could see, was the glimmer of lonely moonlight in his empty palm.
He woke with a jolt, a falling sensation bringing him into a sitting position.
“Kye…” He whispered, running his fingers through blonde hair. Both hands were clasped tightly around his head, eyes wide and unfocused. I must have hurt him real bad. For him to want to disappear like that, Laise thought. Christine came into the room, asking what was wrong,
“Where’s Kye? I got out of the hospital but he’s nowhere to be seen.” Laise stared out the window, as if hoping to see him waving from the old willow. Christine stiffened, but she knew she would have to tell him at some point.
"Laise. I know I should have told you sooner, but I didn't want to give you such...unexpected news so soon." Christine's small face seemed to turn grey in the moonlight as she whispered the truth,
"Laise... don't blame yourself...but, Kye is dead. He drowned himself in the lake." Laise laughed, dry with disbelief.
"Come on mom! Stop joking around! I bet he's just at his grandmother's or something!" despite his efforts to convince himself that it wasn't true, the look on his mother's face confirmed it all too well. His lips pressed into a thin line and cold hands scrunched the sheets. No way...
"How." Was the only word he could manage, barely choking out from his sticky throat.
"A fisherman pulled him out of the lake the day after you went to the hospital... there's a funeral happening in a few days." Christine muttered and covered her face with spindly fingers, leaving space for only her wide eyes to stare out at the floor. Laise shook, back trembling. Then the tears started, and for the whole night, it seemed they would never stop, like he was crying out the entire lake.
But there is only so much lake you can cry out, and someday, the tears stopped. Time turned back and the wounds were healed. Yet, wounds with such great size as that always leave scars, and although scars fade, they will never disappear. And so, Laise was left with his own scar and nearly every night, the rain would fall, and the lake would refill. Drowning his best friend countless times in dark dreams. There was no possible way, that Laise could escape that eternal nightmare that came back, every time he remembered, chestnut hair, blue-green eyes, a summer's day, I'll never forget, the sun beating down on our backs. Sitting by the very lake that stole you from me. Why does it have to be me, that loses everything...
THE END!!!
(i can't continue it because Kye is dead and he's one of the main characters. SOrRy!" - Lolo
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125,006 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
Hi Lolo,
I have not read the first one of these as you suggest, so I'm afraid I'm just going to have to wing it.
Nitpicks first:
I think this is unrealistic and moves too quickly. He might be in denial, but to think his mum would joke about something like that... it's off.
I think you move through this whole thing way too quickly. Maybe I need to go back and read the first part but we get no character development here, no deep look into Laise's emotions about how he feels having Kye gone. There's a lot of telling going on here and not a lot of showing and it doesn't make it interesting to read which is a shame because you have a good premise and if told well could make a really good piece of work.
I'm going to leave the review here because I don't have much else to add but I really think you could benefit from rereading your piece as a whole and deciding what you want to say with it because currently there isn't much direction to it.
Hope this has been helpful.
Icy
Hi. Thanks for the review! Yeah, it's a pretty sucky piece. I was really bored. I completely agree with all your suggestions and I'll change a few things!
Hi lolosboing intersting name you got there.
l only have three basic points l want to look at regarding you work.
First One
l liked the whole suspense sequence that the sory offered. the dialoque between the two characters was also intruguing.
Secound piont
I didn't realy agree with your title its hard to make sense of, not captivating at all, and l think that's you biggest mastike because readers are attracted first by the titlie and not really the content. So l guess that's one one the areas you can improve on
Third Point
I only understood the story on the third time of reading it so it's a littlie confusing to undertsand at first, which may lead to the whole plot being wrongly interpreted. l would sugguest you keep it simple but yet interesting.
But its great story freind keep at it.
hi. It's called three two one because I didn't know what to call it, and i kept it that way because the first story was called three two one. You'll probably get it a lot better if you read the first one. thanks for the review!