A wounded soldier

Love this <3

Pretty nice. All the rhyming sounded natural, and you could hear the soldier's yearning for a normal world.
Just a typo correction - it's 'peoples'', not 'people's''.
I like how the last line is kind of rhyming, kind of not - it depends how you pronounce 'again'. Many good poets have words that don't quite rhyme here and there, and it adds character to the poem.
This is just a question - is this a present day war? Or more of a world-war-1-war?
Anyways, very good!

HI,

Nice poem. Words are less for such a good balladry. For this feeling, you need to add more words. Feelings are enough just add some vocab.

"Will you assure me

that all is well

that all of the the world"

Correct this flaw. It is good to correct mistakes for betterment of the piece. It is making no sense. The idea of poem is good. Some feelings, give you nice ideas. You did exactly same.

You talked about strength, kindness, flash, bombs. It is good to read such a nice piece.


Hope you will write more.

Hey there, lolosboing! I'm Tom, I'll be leaving a review for you today.

First I'm gonna point out some lines I REALLY enjoyed in this piece of yours. As a whole I enjoy this poem and it has a strong and beautiful meaning, but a few lines especially stand out to me.

"Will you shield my eyes
from the blinding flash
of dropping bombs
and thunder's crash"

This is my favorite part of this entire poem. It's absolutely beautiful. Only the 2nd and 4th lines rhyme with "flash" and "crash," but the first two lines both have five syllables and the second two both have 4. This creates an amazing flow and rhythm. The spacing is perfect to allow the syllables to fall how they do. It has a great up and down to it and I've read these four lines multiple times now just because of how well done they are. Don't change a thing here.

Now that I've spoken about those four lines there, there are also some parts I recommend rewriting to make a bit smoother and easier to read. The final two lines of "and will I ever see you again?" don't really fit in with the two preceding lines. Not only does the rhythm fall off, but it's hard to understand the meaning of that segment. I understand each segment (or stanza) is four lines long, and each one is easy to understand the meaning, but this one lost me. The first two lines contradict each other when the rest of the poem had been about sheltering you from pain and war, while the last two lines are suddenly very short and almost rushed. I recommend rewriting them to maybe be a bit more drawn out so they flow better, and perhaps reword the first two as well to make the segment's meaning clearer.

I also recommend rewriting the third and fourth lines "will you give me a bed to ease the pain?" because it's meaning is a bit unclear to me.

With those first four lines as a whole, to me they seem as two separate segments of two sentences while the rest of the poem consists of segments/stanzes of four sentences. So maybe try splitting them up by developing each set into four sentence segments of their own, if that makes sense. This would adhere better with the rest of the poem's structure.

Other than those critiques, your poem as a whole is beautiful and easy to follow. I love the overall flow of it and read it multiple times and enjoyed it more and more each time.

I hope to see more of your work in the future!

- Tom

Hi! Charlotte dropping in for a quick review.

Firstly, wow! The rhyming scheme for this was amazing! I love poems that rhyme and your one did, so of course I just had to tell you.

Secondly, your detail and description is phenomenal. This was so simple and yet so heart wrenching.

Thirdly, I love your last line! 'Will I ever see you again?' This question highlights what the soldiers would have been feeling. It also sheds light on the fact that sometimes soldiers are forgotten.

Lastly I would like to mention something said in a previous review. Griiffinkeeper said that this poem didn't really suit the character of a soldier. Well this begs the question have they ever seen a soldier, wounded on the battle field. I'm not being picky or horrible about them but my opinion is different. I think that when wounded a soldier would only be thinking of him and how he could live to see his loved ones again.

Anyway, overall this is an amazing poem and I look forward to seeing more work from you.

I think the poem is written well. What concerns me is that it doesn't seem to fit the character of a soldier.

For one, the narrator is only thinking about himself. The tone seems to be "will you do this for me?" But soldiers are trained to be team players, their lives depend on others. A wounded soldier is often frustrated because they are a burden on their team and that they are apart from people that have their back. Soldiers are often stoic; not asking for help, even when they really need it.

I think you show great promise. With more life experience (meeting and getting to know soldiers in this instance) you'll gain a better understanding of who you're writing about. The realism, not the technique, is what's at fault in my opinion.

this is a great poem, but it seems underdramatized for what it is about. I recommend you separate the stanzas and add more punctuation and powerful words.

Sorry about the messy formatting. I tried several times to even out the spaces, but it wouldn't allow me to when I saved. Sorry! Still, I think the rhyme has enough difference for you to differentiate the different stanzas.