Hello lolosboing!
Humor and realism worked into one poem, great! It's a quick read and succeeds in having a funny theme. The speaker doesn't necessarily say that their breath smells bad, although its implied instead at the ending which I found to be more creative than a regular poem that simply says that they have bad breath. Nearing the edge of sleep is something we all can relate to for definite, since its kind of a daily thing for me. I don't think you should change the poem or edit it unless you really want to because its fine the way it is. There's nothing that needs to be fixed here.
Cheers, Aleta
Points: 344
Reviews: 126
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