Morning Breath
My eyelids fall heavily and cover my vulnerable eyes.
I sit there in the classroom, smothering all my cries.
How will I stay awake, with these slowly drooping eyes.
The one thing that keeps me awake is the scent of my own sighs
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140,506 Literary Works • 673,263 Reviews
Hello lolosboing!
Humor and realism worked into one poem, great! It's a quick read and succeeds in having a funny theme. The speaker doesn't necessarily say that their breath smells bad, although its implied instead at the ending which I found to be more creative than a regular poem that simply says that they have bad breath. Nearing the edge of sleep is something we all can relate to for definite, since its kind of a daily thing for me. I don't think you should change the poem or edit it unless you really want to because its fine the way it is. There's nothing that needs to be fixed here.
Cheers, Aleta
Hey, lolosboing! VegasLights here to give you a review!
I really love this poem. I love it because I can relate so much to it. I don't see anything that needs fixing, so I have no clue what I'm doing here. I love the descriptive words that you have used. They gave me great imagery, trust me. It brought me back to sixth grade, oh the bad days! I think the flow of your poem cooperates greatly with the structure of the poem. I really love how it rhymes, I mean I love traditional unrhyming poems; but this is great! My favorite part is the last line. I busted out laughing, I really needed that, so thank you!
Sadly, all reviews must come to an end and here is the end of this one. I thank you for your time and I hope you have a great day.
This is totally unrelatable to your poem, but I love how I look to the right and I see "Charlie Charlie Is Watching". I was like, what the frick is that! Anyway, bye now!