The Broken China Doll

Eyes, dazed and glossy,
staring blankly across the horizon.
A pale, hard face,
curved and round. -This is kind of the same thing, a little bit on the repetitive side of things.


Cracked in half and dirty.
She lies on the pavement,
hair matted with dirt.
Shivering against the cold porcelain of her head.
She tries to escape herself,
escape a jail made for comfort.


Her body was once warm,
once comfortable,
once clean.
Now it is broken,
constantly filled with the cold winter’s air.


Now it is squalid, half crammed with filth. - You already started a line with, "...Now it is..." causing it to be redundant.
Will she ever find warmth again?
Will comfort ever sneak its way under her chair?
Or is her fate simply to be bounced over by passing trucks,
and smashed into a million pieces, each day getting smaller.

Is her life over or did she ever have life. -You should have a question mark here, and you should have a comma after 'over'.
The near human feelings she could have felt
escaped when her hollow head exploded.
She is empty,
A broken china doll,
with faded lips
smiling against the grey concrete of a highway.

The ending of your poem was boring, there seemed to be a build up, but the a sort of cliffhanger at the end. It's more on the monologue side of things rather than a poem. for future reference, however, you might want to have, for example, in this poem you could have a young girl find the doll, and give the doll hope for tomorrow, before the girls mom throws the doll out fur to her cracked face and matted hair.
What does the poem symbolize? Most poems have a meaning behind them, although this seems to be just words.
It would help to catch readers attention quicker and better if there were more of different literary elements, whether it be alliteration, rhyming or onomatopoeia, although I enjoyed your use of personification and sight details.

I like the idea behind this poem though, and I feel like, with a little more practice, you can become very successful in writing poetry.

Hi, J here for a review.
I liked the subject of this poem and it makes me wonder why the subject gets used so much. I mean is it a metaphor of us or what we once were? Any way sorry for that glimse of what my brain does all day on with the review!:)
I don't like that there weren't stanzas it was just one complete piece, it needs to be broken down. The first 18 lines were good, they were strong but they had to many repetitions. Like with the eyes for one thing the two lines didn't mirror each other but the didn't add or take away from the other either if you know what I mean. And your rhyming was good but a little cliche.
Then comes so many questions which I was not a fan of. They made it seem like you were building up to a cliff hanger or a plot twist that never came. Your ending was a little better in terms or rhyming but it wasn't moving or emotional. In fact it was a little cold.
I still like the subject but I was let down when I read the end.

Good Job and Keep Writing!!

Hi,
I loved the subject of your poem, although it does make me wonder why people are so obsessed with broken toys. There are songs, poems, even entire novels about them. Why? Are the toys supposed to be a metaphor of us or of the children we once were?
Now, back to the poem, it's too bad you put it in one compact piece. It made it look and sound a lot like an enumeration.
The first eighteen lines were okay, rhythm-wise but they were a little cliché and it didn't help that there were lots of repetitions. The most perceptible one, I think, was the two parts about her eyes, that don't quite mirror each other while neither adds anything to the other.
Then, you begin with the questions. I must admit that I'm not a fan. They feel like the are trying to create a feeling of anticipation or suspense, and failing too. They also throw you off your rhythm and you seem not to be sure what you want to do with your punctuation.
The end was less cliché but it wasn't as moving. It felt cold when the first part of your poem clearly plays on the pathos.
That's only my subjective point of view, Lolosboing, but I was a little disappointed by the end of your poem. I expected more of a crescendo in emotion.

Hey lolosboing
Myjaspercat here again to leave you a review--

Eyes, dazed and glossy,
staring blankly across the horizon.
A pale, hard face,
curved and round. I would start a new stanza here.
Cracked in half and dirty.
She lies on the pavement,
hair matted with dirt. Try to come up with a different word then dirt, since you have already used the word 'dirty'
She looks out of dull, black eyes. So I feel like this is a little off placed since you have already mentioned the eyes at the beginning. As well, the two moments you describe the eyes are different in themselves. Just be careful about that.
Shivering against the cold porcelain of her head. Again, I would start a new stanza here.
She tries to escape herself,
escape Again, don't repeat words a jail made for comfort.
Her body was once warm,
was once comfortable,
was once clean.
Now it is broken, So, you reader already knows that the doll is broken. Therefore by repeating it again, you're becoming redundant.
constantly filled with the cold winter’s air.
Now it is dirty, half crammed with filth. Again, we know that it is dirty. Also I feel as if you've used the word cold already, maybe not.
Will she ever find warmth again. I'm assuming that this is question, so you need a question mark instead of a period.
Will comfort ever sneak its way under her chair? Start a new line hereOr is her fate simply to be bounced over by passing trucks,
and smashed into a million pieces,
each day getting smaller. Honestly, I think this is some of the best imagery you have in this poem.
Is her life over, did she ever have life. Again, you need an question mark here
No, and that is the most important thing.
This china doll does not have life. I don't like this. It feels out of place and unneeded.
The near human feelings she could have felt
escaped when her hollow head exploded. This again, is good imagery. You need more of this
She is empty,
A broken china doll, More repetitiveness
with faded lips
smiling against the grey concrete of a highway.