Why do I cry like the trees
in fall
and scream into the winter wind?
Why do my silver leaves drip so easily,
with only a simple kiss of moonlight
or the laughter of the lucky bluebird?
Why do I still wonder
how I can embrace the lost,
and warm the cold with my
own frigid hands.
How do I cease to forget,
the feel of a sweet voice
and lazy rays of sun making the dust glow
like my own little constellation of tiny stars.
Why must I adore a ghost
and not a person?
How do I intertwine fingers,
with a shadow?
How can I say ‘thank you’
when I’ve already said ‘goodbye’
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125,009 Literary Works • 672,837 Reviews
Hello! Berri here for a review! *(*´∀｀*)☆
I just want to say, first of all, this reminds me of a song called "Goodbye to a World". It's by Porter Robinson, and I think his lyrics and your poem line up pretty well (except, to be perfectly honest with you, your poem is a lot more descriptive than his lyrics...) But I think it would be cool if you took a listen and compared the two!! (o^∀^o)
As is with a lot of poems I read (not all of them,) I can relate to this. There is a person in my life who I really, really like, but they always seem to slip away from me before I can tell them to stay. This poem is just perfect in that way <3
One of my favorite lines has got to be "...making the dust glow/like my own little constellation of tiny stars." I remember as a kid, growing up and seeing little particles of dust floating in the sunbeams... but you just made it super pretty and aesthetic-sounding! Kudos to you for being able to do that!!
Anyways, I really enjoyed your poem! I didn't see any grammatical/spelling errors, and no punctuation errors showed up either.
Keep on writing!
Berri out ~ ଘ(੭ˊ꒳ˋ)੭✧
Hey there! It's ZeldaIsShiek here to review another quintessential piece of literature that made my day and win this Review Day by helping the Red Pandas stay in first place and reaching my goal of 80 reviews. I might even get to 100, if I work hard enough. I am really excited to review this amazing piece of art that you have created, and maybe add some witty humor as well. Anyway, that's enough idle chatter from me. Let's get into the review.
This poem uses beautiful seasonal imagery that describes how one feels after they lose a loved one or someone who is very important to you. You want to thank them for everything they have done for you, but they have already left you, and it destroys you inside every time you think of them. I love how the seasonal imagery in the first stanza screams to the reader about the pain and the feeling of loss that you must have had after losing this person. They were truly dear to you, and losing them was the hardest thing you have ever done, but they are already gone. You can now only see a ghost where they once were sitting next to you.
That's all for today. Keep writing amazing literature that inspires me to read and review them, and have a great Review Day! Let's beat the Blues once and for all!
~ZeldaIsShiek
This was so good! I felt it was really dramatic, in a good way of course. I could feel the pain the narrator was in in such a realistic way, gosh "goosebumps". I'm not great with punctuating poetry myself, so I don't have any comments for that. Overall, fabulous work. I loved it!
Hello there. I m Kostia and I will give you a brief review on your poem.
First of all it would really help if you could seperate this in stanzas. Maybe you could add some more verses into it while doing so in order to make the meaning clearer. You should underline the meaning of this poem. As I read it it made me feel like it was about someone who died. I don't know if that's what you wanted to express here. However I feel like the beginning is kind of irrelevant to the rest of the poem. You should definitely add some verses and try to connect it better.
Other than that I generally liked your poem, especially the ending. It was very nicely put, dramatic and easy to remember everything an ending should have. Your vocabulary is simple and lovely while I don't have any major grammar corrections for you.
The poem could use some editing but I love what you have so far and I would like to see the edited version.
Keep up the good work!
I’m only going to give a short review, so...
It was GREAT!
I love how the speakers feelings are expressed by using personification and also the use of similes. The poem expresses loneliness after the loss of a loved one using nature imagery.
This poem is truly beautiful!
Keep up the great work!!
Thanks for sharing this beautiful, wistful and melancholy poem concerning someone who is gone via death but who is still strongly cherished. The poem beautifully expresses the loneliness which seems to permeate all aspects of the speaker's life now that the loved one is gone. Compares himself or herself to the Autumn trees which shed their leaves as if they were weeping. Wonders whether whether the voice and touch of that beloved one can ever be forgotten. Feels trapped by having to adore a memory instead of a living person. Very nicely written. Look forward to reading more of your work.
suggestions
....goodbye[?]
....stars[?]
....hands[?]