When will the time come?
My time to take the reigns
To be the boss
Only one on the top
Partners no longer needed
As I am the only controller
When will the time come?
My time to ride the saddle
To make my decisions
Only one to control my life
Parents no longer bother
As I am the only one controlling my life?
When will my time come?
My time to have fun
To hang with friends
Only one to choose who comes
Patience no longer needed
As I am the only one with the choices
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
I like the theme you picked. I feel that writing this came naturally and easily to you, since this was something you wanted to write about, right? I can practically feel the passion in this poem as I read.
Thing is, though, I feel that you put too much heart and less of mind. Too much mind in it will make your poem very emotionless and empty, no matter how well-written it is. Too much heart however, can deteriorate the quality of your work, even if it reaches out to the audience and hits them in the feels. I think you know which parts I mean.
Also, it seems like you wrote this on a whim and forgot to edit it. Please don't post for everyone else to critique without critiquing it yourself. If you do, you might take too much ideas and lose many traces of you in your poem. Losing all traces of yourself in your works is the last thing you want to happen.
Overall, this isn't bad, but not good either. Just average. Though the feelings that are present in this poem are something that you should at least preserve, if not intensify.
hey Gammagamerale, it's AshleyDashley here for a quick review!
First off I like the theme of your poem and then the direction you took with it. However watch your punctuation because I saw some places they could go, unless you met it to be like this. I saw no grammar error so fabulous job with that! I liked your flow it was really easy to read your poem and it kept me reading! I get the message and feelings that go along with this poem and i get it too. I can relate to this to and i think that may people can. Overall you did a marvelous job writing this! Keep up the magnificent work and I hope to read more of your work in the future!
AshleyDashley