Young Writers Society

Royal here to review!
So this was interesting, but it had some problems.
Namely, that the images were all entirely different from each other, and almost completely disconnected. The flow was jerky and awkward, and the diction was vague, which made it difficult to understand what the speaker's purpose was in this piece. There were some grammatical errors, and there didn't seem to be any kind of decision about structure. It's fine to have a set structure, or have no structure at all, but when a piece has a little structure in some places, and no structure at all in other places, often it starts getting confusing and choppy. I'd try to figure out what the speaker is really trying to say in this piece. What is the point? What is the meaning? And if there's more than one meaning or topic (and I feel like there is, because there are so many disjointed images here), then I'd pick one and stick with it. The more specific, the more unique the experience, the better. Good luck!

Hi there gammagamerale! Niteowl here to review for Team Granger this fine Review Day!

Overall, there's some interesting ideas in this piece, but I think there's a couple major issues.

1) After reading this, I have absolutely no clue what "ariham" is. I Googled it and didn't get much. Is it a name? A foreign word? I feel like the meaning could be more clearly expressed in the poem.

2) The language in this piece is repetitive and doesn't have a lot of imagery. This means the piece could be stronger. In many cases, I find that when a piece directly references abstract concepts like life or truth, it's not as strong as a piece that shows us something about those concepts without using that word.

A shadow over everything
now let me tear it open
show you the truth
you will feel the betrayal that been hidden
no longer love
slowly tearing away your humanity
With your eyes wide in fear as i tear it away

your memories recovering

the pain you hid down must now come up

this blanket you have hidden in must now be ripped away

there is now happiness in here

Hi its, Sayantan4119,

First-of -all you could guess what I want to say, it's all about punctuations.
But there lies a confusion that why are you going for or against humanity or if you want to express compare it with other objects to produce special effects.

I wish it's not a general poem, though you have mentioned.
Few things I was unable top understand because you have neither wrote it in poetic style too much nor in the simple text.

Its true always what you are saying.
Be more aggressive to write such type of poems from next time. You are a nice writer.

Follow me on Sayantan4119.