Why do people join?
Leave leave
There is nothing to see
But the madness of one
A lonely and hateful person
As he drives deeper in this depression
No longer talking
No friends to help
No help to accept
As the depression consume and drag him down
Nowhere to hide
Leave for he will not be nice
Insults to be thrown
When will they see?
No one is wanted
Friend’s no longer friends
As I hide in the kingdom of hate
To rot in my misery
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141,381 Literary Works • 674,385 Reviews
Hey gammagamerale, it's AshleyDashley here for a quick review!
First off, great job writing this it was a great poem. And I really felt the the lines:
I can relate to this because I am a loner and don't really have any friends.
I saw no grammar errors and so congrats on that. You did a splendid job with this piece. I really likes it. I like the layout of your poem and the way your wrote it. This poem really describes me and I took this to heart. I see nothing else wrong with it.
Overall marvelous job. Keep up the magnificent work and I hope to read more of your work in the future!
AshleyDashley
Hi,
It is good to use art for emotionally expressive purposes, but it is my contention that art should serve a higher purpose, so, if you want to perfect your craft, you should aim to find higher value in your art than just using it to vent. This is not something directly connected to your poem. I think your poem would benefit from ambiguity created by floral or more sophisticated use of language. Floral language is sometimes very bad, but a key of poetry is ambiguity. Your language is not very complex and leaves nothing really for the mind to gnaw on.
Lemons
Hi, Curiosity here.
First off, well done. I'm not a good poet, even though I've tried to be tons of times. But stories and writing is my passion- that's what I mainly look for. But I've really enjoyed this, it moved me quite well.
Friend's no longer friends
I love this line because it really expresses me and probably other people when they realise they had a friend who talks behind their back. I definitely feel the emotion of whom ever you are writing about, if it's about you or a fantasy. I just want to say that looking at your other works, I see you write more gothic pieces. I can relate to this because I am known for writing gothic stories, but on the other hand magical and imagery pieces. I just want to say well done. I enjoyed it.
yes most people think i am a goth i am not!!!!! lol thank you for the review