The End

very emotional poem. i like it.
now for the long detailed review:

the change after "THIS IS NOT A GOODBYE" from 2nd person to 1st has a lot of impact, making the situation personal and more emotional to the reader. the bluntness, short statements, and all caps give off strong emotion, despair, and even a sense that the character is spiraling into irrationalism as he lets the overwhelming feeling of loss and hopelessness overtake him.

there are a few grammar issues [sentence structure stuff], but i think they help get across the emotion and psychosis of the character and would leave them. one thing i would change:
"I DRIVE AWAY ONES THAT SAY THEIR FRIENDS" THEIR should be THEY'RE.
i like the all caps because as i was reading the poem, i felt like the character was yelling/screaming in between uncontrollable sobs and almost shaking me by the shoulders trying to get his point across.

i saw in one of the other reviews someone suggested saying "TINA OH TINA" at the beginning, but i think it is better where it is because the poem is still written in 2nd person at the beginning and using a proper name would throw off the sense of generalization, which would make the sudden transition from 2nd to 1st person a lot less impactful and meaningful.

This is. This is probably one of the most disturbing pieces I've read.

I can feel that your English isn't very good, judging by your other stories, and sometimes you slip in some aspects. Sometimes you slip in capitalization, punctuation, and grammar. This is where it actually works better for you. The distorted English somehow makes it even more disturbing and more emotional and somehow more violent. Props to your creativity.

The emotion here is intense, as expressed by the distorted English. Though the distorted English is a double-edged sword; it makes some parts really cringey and painful to read.

This is a good piece actually, but it can be improved. Please do proofread your works, or at least let someone else do it if you can't. Like, seriously. You can't keep going on like this.

Anyways, keep writing, apply what everyone taught and is teaching you, get better at English, and I'll see you again.

WOAH WOAH WOAH

HI THERE MEMORYHUNTER HERE FOR A QUICK REVIEW~

1. Technical boring stuff
Okay, we'll go through it slowly, despite what I said about this being a quickie. First of all, CAPITALIZATION IS WEIRD BUT FEELS FINE BUT IS AGAIN WEIRD. <---I'm sorry about that, I just wanted to try capitalizing everything all over again.

There are many ways to convey emotions in poetry, and capitalization is one of them. However, it is unlikely that a person would capitalize every word in his or her work. Being unique in poetry is a priority, most of the time, but some people don't like that 'all-is-capitalized thingy' for expressing anger or sadness or anything.

To think of it, I was kind of surprised and afraid when I saw that all the letters were capitalized. It's such an unlikely thing in poetry and looks just like an instant message in Facebook or some social media.

Also, you need punctuation. When I started poetry, I disregarded punctuation because I thought that the line breaks already provided that stop. However, I soon realized that not all readers stop at line breaks, and punctuation gives extra flavor to the piece. Whatever that means. If you want to give this Already Packed With Emotion Poem, you should try adding commas, periods, dashes (Dashes would look great!), semicolons, colons, and all that shebang.

The grammar here is also deteriorating. You should proofread your work. (Though I don't edit mine, BUT DON'T FOLLOW MY FOOTSTEPS; I SUCK.)

The I LOVE U SO in the end was weird and, as blunt as I could, cringe-worthy. But I'm not sure if this is a satirical piece. I have trouble finding satire because I lack the intelligence of even the common ape.

Poetry doesn't have high regards to grammar and spelling and all that jazz very much, but when it comes to the point that your piece is not understandable anymore, it will be... bloody. For me, I think not following grammar and spelling, etc., is a style, a kind of art, but in your case, I feel that it's not working. You might as well proofread and write write write.

Heh. I love the word write.

Also the stanzas. You're better off with separate stanzas for now. Especially when you make long/er pieces.

2. Feelings: the fun stuff

So, I get it. The feeling is intense. You definitely conveyed it through... capitalization and stuff. But it gives off a kind of amateur feel, doesn't it? I like the vibe you have here. It's so Stephen King, and I love Stephen King!

The Tina name is... what can I say? It can fit as a repetitive line all over the poem. You might as well state that 'Tina, oh Tina -" or whatever, in the beginning. Not just the middle and the end.

This is the end as an ending line seems to be cliche and really, just overly dramatic. Poetry tends to be dramatic by not being so dramatic, get it? Like the coldness is what adds to everything. I'll link to an article about this (Though it's not about the coldness in poetry, but in novels. It's the same feeling either way). HEREHEREHERE It adds much horror to a piece.

Anyway, I love the intensity and the Stephen King ish feeling, but eh. This poem looks amateur-ish, that I can't yet consider it as Stephen King ish. Write write write and I know you'll reach the deepest points of Horror. This was lovely.

HAPPY WRITING~

Hay Harry576 here for a review:

I really felt a feeling in this poem and it made my heart feel like what I feel almost everyday, I will git to the bad first and this is not criticizing and if it is I am sorry. First off I noticed that it was all caps, most poems are not Caps, the first letter on the left side is the only one that is caps. Also even poems you have to watch for punctuation, you have no periods and no commas. You need these just like any writing, it helps the reader stop and think about the last sentence when you have brakes. Also you seem to be expressing your feelings and not paying attention to your story line, ask yourself questions like what is it that makes me upset and feel this way. But now that I have given you the bad lets go with the good.
This poem has a great way of grabbing your attention and you keep up the good writing, you really express yourself good in this poem. (THIS IS NOT A GOODBYE

IT IS THE END FOR I WILL NOT BE SEEN AGAIN

AS I TAKE THE BLADE

FOR IF THE ONE I LOVE SAYS SHE WILL DIE

THEN I WILL JOIN AS TEAR STREAK MY FACE

NOTHING LEFT FOR ME) This part is the one that made me think about why people think like they do. Good job expressing yourself here. Keep up the good work and happy writing.

Hi,

The poem is very vivid and disturbing at times. If this was your desired result, good job. However, I notice that you are 17. Are you considering writing poetry seriously? If not, this is perfectly fine. It's perfectly acceptable to write poetry for the sake of expressing yourself and releasing undated emotions, etc. However, if you want to perfect your craft, you'll want to be a little more thoughtful in your consideration of how it is that you want to convey your artistic message. There are many many interesting things you could have done in this poem (metaphor, more clever usage of imagery, maybe a contrast of sorts, etc, etc). The poem, from a literary standpoint, comes off as sloppy and overly emotional. It's not intelligent; it's just dramatic sobbing all the way through. A good poet is purposeful in his or her use of words and images, etc, but this poem is careless in many respects.

Lemons