Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.
i feel so crazy,
ludicrous,
absurd,
any word you can
substitute for
batshit insane.
time moves so fast and
i move so slow and
i feel so rushed and
i have no time for anything.
i’m running and running and
i can’t catch up to life.
i don’t feel sad or
depressed (again)
i just feel nothing.
how can i feel when
time speeds by, and
i am just left behind?
it feels like a stab
directly to my chest, and
i’ll be feeling fine, good, even,
when it hits me-
i suddenly feel worse than
i ever have, in my entire life.
it starts as a bad feeling-
dull, painful, far away.
eventually, it becomes
a pain in my chest that i can’t fix,
and no matter what i do
i just keep getting stabbed.
doesn’t everyone have bad times?
yes, but are they like this?
they must be. it can’t just be me who
feels like they’re getting
stabbed in the chest-
over and over until i am no more.
i no longer exist.
the pain obliterated me,
stabbed my chest until i was gone.
and it all came so suddenly,
i was hurt and i didn’t even know from what,
i was dying and i didn’t even know why.
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Canary word: Present
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"time moves so fast and
i move so slow and
i feel so rushed and
i have no time for anything.
i’m running and running and
i can’t catch up to life."
Oh, boy. I looove lowercase prose, and this was my favorite stanza in this whole piece, because there are some days when I wish I could flip a table, and others where I could just die because the day is so long. Honestly, none of these ramblings are the least bit crazy, but very, VERY normal in today's fractured society. Quarantine has driven everyone nuts, no matter how much they want to deny it.
I hope this helped you in some way,
-mintyleaf
Hi! Thanks for the review, it did help!
"time moves so fast and
i move so slow and
i feel so rushed and
i have no time for anything.
i’m running and running and
i can’t catch up to life."
Oh, boy. I looove lowercase prose, and this was my favorite stanza in this whole piece, because there are some days when I wish I could flip a table, and others where I could just die because the day is so long. Honestly, none of these ramblings are the least bit crazy, but very, VERY normal in today's fractured society. Quarantine has driven everyone nuts, no matter how much they want to deny it.
I hope this helped you in some way,
-mintyleaf
Hey Fleuralplants!
I see this work has been in our green room for a little while so I'm here to give it a quick review. I'm much better at reviewing prose than poetry so please bear with me here - practise makes perfect, right?
Flow
I think your description of this as being ramblings is very apt as there are parts of this that seem to have clear direction and then certain sections really don't.
[quote i feel so crazy,
ludicrous,
absurd,
any word you can
substitute for
batshit insane.[/quote]
For me this is a good establishing stanza as it immediately sets us up for the rest of the poem. It has a good rhythm and a very clear voice.
But then we seem to transition from the feeling crazy to a sudden pain and I think it would have been nice to come a full circle and link that painful stabbing feeling back to the feeling crazy.
Imagery
You have some good imagery at the end of the poem that for me doesn't necessarily fit with the tone at the beginning of the piece. You start of with almost a dark humorous tone conveyed with the terms 'lunatic' and 'batshit crazy' but at the end you have lines like 'the pain obliterated me' which I think is wonderful imagery but felt very different in terms of tone from the start.
Overall Impressions
A very aptly titled poem, haha! I think it could be tightened a little to make the flow a bit better but overall I liked it
Sorry there wasn't much to this review, but I hope it helped a bit anyway!
Icy
Hi! Thanks so much for your review!
I can totally relate to your ramblings. was it intentional, that everything was lower case, because normally at the start of a sentence it is supposed to be capitalized. I can totally relate to this part though.
doesn’t everyone have bad times?
yes, but are they like this?
they must be. it can’t just be me who
feels like they’re getting
stabbed in the chest-
over and over until i am no more.
This part to, in the very beginning.
"i feel so crazy,
ludicrous,
absurd,
any word you can
substitute for
batshit insane."
Nice job on the poem even if you were just rambling. Can't wait to read what you write next!
Carpe diem,
LUNARGIRL
Hey, thanks for the review! Yes, it was intentional that the poem was all lowercase- it was just a stylistic choice.
I feel I can relate to your rambling. Sometimes, from the pain of others and pain from inside of myself. The pain feels so much that I don't even feel that it's pain anymore. It feels... normal? I don't know. Anyway, I don't know what to say... great rambling?
Ahahaha thank you!
I don't know whether this poem is a manifestation of your true feelings, I guess it is, but I could totally relate to the poem. A lot of times that's just how we are, not sad nor depressed just something in between! By the way, keep writing would love to read more of your poems.
Thanks!