Young Writers Society

Hey!
MintyLeaf here to give you a review.

Let me say that I loved the imagery you conveyed in this piece. You made me feel bad for a tree, that's something new. It was very clear that the tree had seen very much in its long life, and no one has ever paid it any mind in return. I feel like people look down on trees because they're everywhere, they hold no importance to some.

"The billowing oak was content,

as the loneliness it had once felt had been washed away by its new friends.

Finally, the oak had friends other than the Sun and Moon,

Who weren’t friends with the oak willingly."

This was my favorite stanza, because it shows that while the tree's happiness is legitimate, its' friendships are not. It's so bittersweet.
I think you were robbed of a win; you should consider publishing this to a magazine like TeenInk, or something.
Again, I loved this piece!

Cheers,

-MintyLeaf <3

Hello, fleural!

It's nice to see a nature poem that personifies something rather well. Overall I did like the thought behind it and the descriptions, but there a couple of things that need to changed, in my opinion.

One, as niteowl said, is the overuse of "billowing oak." Only once have you replaced "billowing" with something else. You could have done that, and used "billowing oak" only at the beginning and the ending of the poem. And while this image kiiiiiiind of works, because it brings to mind an undulating, waving tree, it still isn't the best word to use.

You seem to have mixed up "its" and "it's." The difference is, "it's" is the shortened form of "it is," while "its" implies a sense of belonging; belonging to "it." Here's hw you use them in sentences:

"The cat likes its food hot."

"It's going to be a rainy day."

I hope that helps. You gotta replace two "it's"s with "its."

With the billowing oak lit up

Against the black sky by the pale moonlight.

A car driving by, searching for home,

On a scorching summer’s day -

The billowing oak rustled once more;

Paying no attention to the solitary oak.

~

But still the billowing oak was lonely,

They took a seat on the wooden, worn down benches beneath the leaves of the tree and at last,

Someone had paid attention to the tree who had become an expert on loneliness.

Finally, the oak had friends other than the Sun and Moon,

Who weren’t friends with the oak willingly.

Hi there fleuralplants! Niteowl here to review this lovely poem.

Overall, I like this concept. We have the tree witnessing life in all its glory and yet feeling lonely, but there's a hopeful tone at the end with the oak finding people to notice it. There's also some great lines, like "A howling wolf, searching for its pack/A car driving by, searching for home" and "eavesdropping on the sounds of the day".

However, I feel like the poem doesn't flow as well as it could. The first two lines feel like they're going to set up a rhyming poem, but then the rest doesn't rhyme. The piece doesn't feel super proselike until the end when it does. I'm not saying you have to rhyme or not rhyme or that you can't try different styles, but I feel like this would be stronger if you had a consistent structure throughout.

Finally, the oak had friends other than the Sun and Moon,

Who weren’t friends with the oak willingly.