Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.
"Fuck you" is defense,
an offensive sort that
drives back
the opposition.
It shields
with
"I don't care what you think,"
because caring
hurts
and pain--
let's not talk about that.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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129,796 Literary Works • 671,510 Reviews
Interesting...
"Fuck you" is defense," - yes it is. XD
I didn't know where this was going to go, judging from the title.
I like the way you explain what it is: 'drives back the opposition.'
I'm not exactly sure what you mean when you say: 'It shield with.'
I feel like the second stanza is a bit disorganised: 'let's not talk about that.'
So the narrator is refusing to acknowledge pain. But why?
That isn't really made clear. And the reader has no idea what this pain refers to.
I am left with questions after reading this piece, that I have no idea what form the answers will come in.
The last stanza's disorganized on purpose. This is a person who is scrambling for words. They don't want to acknowledge because--well, it's painful. xD And the shielding comes from not caring.
Hello there Niraco here to review this fine day. Firstly I would like to apologize for any mistakes as I am on a mobile and the keyboard is rather tiny.
I love how you open this poem with such a strong profanity. It really grabs readers.
I love short poems as sometimes they hold the most meaning which is very admirable.
The meaning of 'fuck' I think you portrayed very well in this poem. There isn't much I can say that hasn't already been said. The only thing I can think of is that many people such as myself will feel proud of this poem as it describes a word we use in this way.
A very nice poem which I hold dear. Happy writing!
thanks, dude
Hey firepup!
Kudos on writing a poem that's so short, yet it packs a lot of feelings and expression behind it! It was nice and simple and I liked it. I like seeing the meaning you incorporate into your words, and how you explain the hidden meaning behind the expression.
I don't see this as a poem expressing your dissent for the f-bomb; rather, your view on the meanings behind it. My view on this strengthened by the last verse, and maybe I'm wrong on your intentions, but that's how I view this poem and that's the meaning I extract from it.
The format is nice, except for the lines that are one or two words. They seem short and choppy to me, like I need to take unnecessary breaks when reading the poem, so the flow has a few breaks. I suggest you consider combining some lines here and there; don't fret about rhythm or rhyme scheme. An example is:
It would read better if that was just one line, because I see it as: "It shields *takes unneeded breath of air* with"
but that's just me. It's all up to you to change it.
Overall -- amazing job!
~Iggy
You are absolutely right and anyone who thought this was criticizing the f-bomb was projecting their feelings onto my poetry. Which is good, I guess--isn't it? That people can feel it as though it's their own? WHATEVER moving on.
Idek how flow works, I basically just do what 'feels' right. >.> BUT. This poem is a realization about myself (and why I starting using the afore-hated word), so the explanation is that it's to be read haltingly, as though the narrator is struggling for words. (Of course, this is usually portrayed by ellipses, but I DO WHAT IT WANT. <.< [I hope you know I'm joking.])
Thanks, Igster! Not sure what, if anything, I'll do with this poem. It's all feeling for me. I stopped when it was done. *shrugs* (But I did accept your criticism! This is not me rejecting that. ilu<3)
Hey there!!! It's MysteryMe, here for a review!!!!
For some reason, I really find myself attracted to short poems, and this is no exception. Though short, this work of yours carries a lot of meaning and truth, and the attention-grabbing title did not disappoint me.
The F-word really is a word that makes me cringe. I mean, I have no problem with it, but it's just so strong and sharp that I can't help but be shocked every time I hear it XD. It's just a word, yet society has made it seem far more powerful.
Anyway, you really got down to the meaning of the F-word, and I think you did it very well. It's basically just a defensive strategy for most people, and you showed that clearly with so little words.
I loved the flow of this, though it could be improved. I won't go into that, though, since it appears that the reviews below me have already touched upon that.
Overall, nice job. Hope this helped!!!! Remember to keep writing!!!!!
Thanks. Appreciate it.
THANK YOU FOR EXPRESSING HOW I FEEL ABOUT SWEARING!!
Ahem. Sorry. I lost my marbles there for a second.
I love this poem so very much. I smile as I read it, just because it expresses my feelings PERFECTLY. My only nitpick is that I think that "with" should part of the first line of the second stanza instead of alone.
Thank you for the perfect poem! Keep writing!
ahahaha YOU ARE WELCOME. And thank YOU. ;P
This was short, but it had a lot of meaning to it. It holds a lot of truth as well. I liked it and I would like to point out a few things.
1) I especially like the last two lines.
"and pain--
let's not talk about that."
They say so many things to me and the fact that it's the ending statement ties everything together.
2) One last thing I want to say is about the first three lines
"Fuck you" is defense,
and offensive sort that
drives back"
I know what you are trying to say, but the way you wrote it sounds wrong. You should consider rewriting it in a way that makes sense.
Other than that, this was really good. Keep it up.
Heh, it's just the disjointed style I'm going for. Not that you don't have a point, I just like it how it is. But I'll think about your criticism! ^__^
Thank you.
Take the word that from the second line and put it in the 3rd line. It sounds so off and this poem will flow so much better if you fix that. Also, you need a transitional word between sort and that, I suggest of so then it will read:
But to me that still doesn't sound to good. I would fix the offensive sort part because it doesn't do justice at to what you are trying to say. I understand what you are trying to say but it needs more detail or words at least that way it will come across smoother.
You have this same problem with the first two lines of the second stanza.
Those first two lines sound so awkward. I do understand what you are trying to say but again, you need to fix it so it flows smoothly.
Plus this poem is really short. I like the subject matter so when it gets down to pain and says
I got really sad because I feel like you could really go somewhere good if you kept going with this. But the length that it's at right now is fine if you don't want to change it. Just fix the flow of your words and lines and you'll be set
Heh, thanks for that. Fixed the typo.
I'll think about what you've said about flow, but I kinda like it choppy. It's not supposed to flow, and I know I sound like I'm making an excuse, but it's supposed to be very disjointed. This is not a very well put together thought pattern, it's halting and jerky because of the narrator's state of mind. Thanks, though! I'll definitely consider everything you've told me.