I refer to a lot of people as young old wise fools. To me, it makes perfect sense--young at heart, old in body; young in body, old in mind--wise about life, foolish about love; wise about love, foolish about life.
(The punctuation after "old in mind" is bugging me.)
The poem itself is about me. It's a rambling run-on sentence poem on purpose, because I'm writing in stream-of-consciousness style. (I'm good at that. It's my rambling brain.)
Also, HNNNNNGGG. I can't decide on the line spacing. Should there be fewer line breaks? Is it good as is? I can't decide.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm a young old wise fool
stumbling in light who boldly
shrinks
yet fights
yet avoids
confrontation
I'm an open
closed book
that's always
running while
I drag on
through my days.
I don't want to speak
I want to be heard
as I shout
quietly
while minding my own business
and trying to fix
everyone's problems
I'm a new-fangled rebel
clinging to old fashioned beliefs
who pushes away
while drawing close
and tearing apart
the things I want to hold together
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hrn. This needs finishing. And it lacks cohesiveness.
Oh well.... I just thought I'd get it out there.
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It kind of made sense upward, until the third stanza, or should I say second stanza? Oh well, it could use a bit more, but then again, it also works well pretty much the way it is.
Interesting poem. Suggestions in red, critiques in blue.
I like this, it's a bit lacking in power/vivacity to me, but others may enjoy that. Stream-of-consciousness isn't too easily judged anyhow. Hope this helps; keep writing!
Hi there.
Firstly, I really like the phrase "Young Old Wise Fool"
Secondaly, a lot of the lines in the poem are really great. For example
"while minding my own business
and trying to fix
everyone's problems"
And
"I'm a new-fangled rebel
clinging to old fashioned beliefs
who pushes away
while drawing close
and tearing apart
the things I want to hold together"
I really love the style of this poetry. I would really love to read more like this.
Good job.
Hi! I've havent got much time today but I'll try and post a proper review later and help you with an ending. For now, This was great! the sentences were stark and blunt and well-thought-out.
This is my favorite stanza:
I'll do a thorough review later!
~Amelia